*POP`

[Bostonhopeful]

This site is exactly what I needed. I have been struggling with Adderall abuse for 6 years, although only became aware about 3 months ago/ When I first started using adderall it brought me to new heights in my career and self esteem. It took a severe toll on my family life and it literally took rock bottom and then some and then this site to WANT to do it. Finally I have people who feel and think and crave and doubt the same way I do about giving it up. Reading these posts last night gave me the extra oomph to give it a serious attempt.

I'll give you a very brief view into my relationship with Adderall. I fell in love instantly because "it brought me to heights I never thought about reaching career wise. I never thought it was a bad thing to do because it was presecribed (although not to me) and I was acheiving so much. I failed to realize that the lying about it every day, obsessing over stupid shit, and unhealthy sleeping patterns were taking a toll on my body, mind, and family life. It really is a selfish selfish drug / high. I spent so much time on the DUMBEST things ever. Ignoring my wife, and not being as attentive and loving to my kids who are my everything. But I was successful at work, and making more than ever thought possible. I never liked to be high on the weekends when I was with my family because I wasnt myself with them. No laughing or playing with them like before. So as my addiction, I became I became a lump on the couch on the weekend. I blamed it on my heavier workload and so forth but I went from taking 40-60 mg a day to 200-250 daily. My wife knew something was up all along. Shed accuse me of being high and Id deny everytime, Until one day she asks me to take a drug test. I of course had to admit I had been lying and severely low balled the amounts I was taking. I told her I was sketched at home because of the lies and now that she knew things would be back to normal. Wrong. I started using them at all times of the night. Often just laying in bed to appear to be sleeping. Things got so bad at home I left. "I couldnt handle it, work and all the arguing." not realizing I am only arguing with my wife because of my habit, That only mad things worse. I was drinking at night now, I had no one to answer to, I became completely dependent on Adderall. My wife and I both missed eachother greatly and my kids were hurt and confused by what was going on so I decided to stop and move back in. I went two weeks and thought I was healed. I asked my wife if I could tak a few a night we went out and she said sure if you cant handle it. Yup,I hit the ground running. Right back to where I was. Just last night my wife was telling me I am doing a much better job but w still fight because I refused to listen to someone who had never used it. I decided to google quitting adderall and It brought me here. It changed my life reading an article by Mike. I heard it from someone who gave me feelings to relate too and encouragement not criticism. Today is day one and it sucks. Having this to read and my wife to learn what is going on in my head and body got us on the same page. I actually WANT to quit. I had known it wasnt healthy and affecting me in a bad way but was scared to go without it. That is the short version. I have accomplished many things while on adderall, I also lost everything important to me because of it. I now want a normal, happy, regular life style. I cant accomplish things on my own. I just needed that little push. When I read this site last night my mind just went *POP*

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you

[highonlife]

Hey Bostonhopeful, welcome to the site and I respect you for making the decision that is best for you and your family. Stay strong!

[Bostonhopeful]

Thank you. Its been an interesting ride. Been through a lot with those little things. I've really come to not like how I am on them , it just became a part of my life quick. The biggest things for me is actually wanting to stop. I have never had that feeling. I have never seriously thought about "life after". I know the next 3-4 weeks are going to be very blah. Maybe even beyond that, but I am ready to take a few lumps on the road to recovery. I know the cravings are going to be tough, but reading all the stories from people who have been there and are HAPPIER now is what I needed. It was always my dirty little secret. I have a place to share some questions, take advice and listen to some ways to cope with this change in lifestyle. Thanks for the encouragement.

[finding freedom]

May I just say... congratulations. Seriously! That decision and desire to live life as yourself again is so wonderful. I'm really glad you found the site, and perhaps show your wife some of the articles, etc as well. As you know, they do a really great job describing what it is like and what to expect.

You must be so excited to be on your way to living in the moment with your kids again. Imagine how great it's going to be to just spend time with them and be candid to whatever life offers you at the moment. Nothing is so wonderful as genuine time and experiences shared together as opposed to being completely absorbed in your mind about what you 'should' be doing or making some sort of plan/agenda for getting things done.

Way to go

[Bostonhopeful]

Thank you so much. It is definately a huge change in the way of life. Day 2 I am exhausted and down, but I keep reading posts here and it helps immensely. Thank you very much for you encouragement. It really makes a difference.