Can't believe I did it....

[jason]

I was doing great (well, still tired and useless), but I hadn't had an addie in 70 days. I was just having a bad week and unbelievably (of course after searching)I found an old 30mg tab in my brother's car. I guess I'm not at the point where I can resist to throw it away. I took half yesterday and the other half today. I didn't get that "all great feeling", just a little something.

Now...I'm just feeling like shit. I can't believe I ruined my long streak and relapsed with just one pill. So, am I in for another bout of withdrawal?...or, will I avoid all that; since it was just a small amount? I really hope so.

I was just so sick of not being able to complete any little thing...but I know going back to the add. is not an option!

Any words of wisdom?!?

Thanks for all of you out there!

[LILTEX41]

Withdrawal should only last today and maybe tomorrow. Just consider it a minor slip and keep plugging forward! Hey, I relapsed four times in 2 years after trying to quit. Just remember if you were to "go back out" you don't know when you'll "come back in". How many more days, months, weeks of your life do you want to waste chained in addiction to some pill? You got up to 70 days on your very first attempt to quit! That's a huge success! Celebrate it, be thankful you got through it, and learn from your relapse what triggered it and how to prevent another relapse going forward. It's progress...not perfection. Do not beat yourself up for it. You came here and shared your dillema with us. That's a great sign! I think you know exactly what you need to do and you can do it!

It's funny, but just today on my way to work I was thinking about adderall. And, btw I'm not trying to take away from your post, but I'm hoping what I'm about to share with you might help. So anyhow, I was reflecting on the fact that the old old old me (from 6 years back) is here again now because I feel messy, lazy, and somewhat scattered brained. HOWEVER, what I learned from being on adderall is the fact that I AM smart and am capable of so much when I apply myself diligently. Previously, I kicked ass in my job b/c of adderall work wise, but socially I was a total trainwreck b/c I was constantly jittery, sleep deprived, paranoid, and constantly on edge. I realize now that since I'm a supervisor now my people skills are actually my best quality and if I were still on adderall I would probably be failing my team miserably. I think about my relationships today and how much they've improved and that all and all my life is sane now. I'm okay and I know that no matter what I will eventually get to a place I never even dreamed I could without adderall. I'm going to be a balanced individual in every way possible. Every day I don't take adderall, I am over joyed by the accomplishment alone. You will feel so good about yourself in the end when you can look back and say you fell, but then got right back up and wiped the dust off to keep running.

Good luck my friend!!

Erin

[jason]

Erin,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. Unfortunately this isn't my 1st attempt to quit; I've lost track, probably my 5th or 6th. Either way, it is one of the 1st times I've been able to keep from taking more and more after a relapse...so, I feel pretty good about that.

The reason I took it, is because I have social anxiety and it has been rough at work trying to make small talk with co-workers. It really does "cure" the social anxiety. I also was tired of not feeling like doing any chore, task, etc...but, I'm sure I'll get through this eventually. I've decided to give transcendental meditation a try, and will start the training this weekend. It's been shown to help with drug addiction, anxiety, depression, among many other problems.

Thanks for your support,

Jason