Extreme fatigue

[sirod9]

DISCLAIMER - I'm not fishing for advice, more so support. If you have words of hope (went through this, came out the other end), or words of encouragement, please share. I just need to vent... :| 

Hello  everyone! so far, I'm feeling better today. But yesterday was HARD. I would say one of the hardest days I have had after 5 months clean. It amazes me how some weeks, I feel like I'm "out of the woods" only to be hit by a week where I feel like I'm withdrawing all over again. I know my diet has been pretty crappy, and I sometimes drink over the weekend. But nothing outrageous. I clean it up during the week and do intermittent fasting. I even tried an IV Infusion last week, but still felt like I had just quit adderall. Yesterday was the worst. I felt lethargic. My body was extremely heavy, like bags of sand. My eyes kept randomly falling out of focus, and I was losing words left and right. The cat had my tongue! And my adderall cravings were strong. 

I went to sleep super early and I'm feeling better....so far. I'm just like "really!?!" I know (well, hope) that in a few years I will look back on this time and THANK MYSELF for staying strong and staying off of that drug. But I can't help but be afraid that this is the new "normal" and I just have to make the most of it. It would be so nice to get a diagnosis from a doctor - "Temporary malaise - somedays worse than others. cut her a break" so that people don't think I'm naturally like this. Then again, no one is really giving me shit, I just think they are, or are about to. Maybe I need to cut myself a break.

I'm not "single" but my partner and I have been taking a lot of space. THANK GOD. because on days like yesterday, I feel so incredibly unattractive - and I'm grateful to be on my own when I feel like that.

Anyways, that is my venting rant. Thank you. I hope everyone is having a good weekend  

[GeorgiaRigby]

Sirod, you are doing okay!!! I know you are feeling so much, gosh it really did come through in your writing and I can imagine that feeling after having quit this shit for such an impressive period of time...Good for you... It's okay to feel this exhausted!! I can't speak on it being 5 months as I have barely gone more than 11 days and recently only singular days.  I have felt this way even taking the medication recently.   So fucking tired and just heavy heavy heavy.   

I know what you mean about wondering how people are going to feel when you are doing worse or having a hard time.  I can't stand the feeling of having to worry about not "showing up" bubbly and happy or energised.  I don't want anyone to feel like I'm not happy to see them, glad to be there, enjoying myself.  Why is this??? Nobody is really thinking these things!!! People love you as you and however you feel and show up on any given day or within any experience.  We contain multitudes and our expression is layered but our own. This is to be something we celebrate in ourselves but also in others... You are wonderful and can feel however you need and still be loved and celebrated.  

Hope that helps? I am needing to hear something so similar myself!!