Helping a Sister

[Worried Sister]

Hello, I am seeking advice to help my Sister. She has been taking adderall for over 5 years now and started using it after being prescribed by a doctor for ADHD. Since being on adderall she has experienced many changes in her personality and day to day life. I am very close to her (although she lives two hours away) and will do anything to try to help her.

She suffers from a extreme addiction to the medicine and is experiencing multiple health problems from the side effects. These side effects include extreme shaking, tremors, muscle twitches, stomach cramping, irritability, depression, mental confusion, sleeping for 24-48 hours at a time, hopelessness, paranoia, withdrawn from reality, inactive social life, mood swings, and extreme anger/hostility when the adderall is not available to her.

For the past six months or so she has doubled her dose of adderall which means she is without it for a period of time at the end of the month, I believe she is suffering from overdose and then withdrawal which is causing the extreme problems in her health. She is a nurse and I am not, it is difficult for me to communicate my concerns about her addiction because she believes it is not the adderall and that her symptoms are caused by something else.

I am scared for her life, she calls me in agonizing pain and it scares the hell out of me. I jump in the car and run down to her whenever/whatever time it may be and constantly drop everything in my life to help her, which I don't mind but others in my life are becoming irritated by it (my husband, parents, friends, even clients). I feel hopeless, I want to help her so bad but the only solution I have read about is rehab, which is not a option for her.

She is very stubborn and always gets her way, if I were to suggest rehab I am afraid she would turn away from me and the family. She attempted suicide two years ago, my husband and I had her forced into a hospital for care (she refused to go to the doctor and slept in her closet for days). After the attempt she was able to talk the doctors out of putting her under a suicide watch and they had to let her go.

She was never treated properly for the mental state that she was in. The next time she cut, she treated herself because she's a "Nurse" and refused again to go to the hospital. If I force her to go, the repercussions of that are devastating, she completely shuts me and the family out, and then I don't know what is going on in her life and if she is ok. It's terrifying.

I know what needs to be done: quit adderall, rehab, talk to a therapist (which she has, but I don't think she goes anymore), but I just don't know how to go about it. Anytime I've mentioned that the adderall is the problem, she finds a way around it, saying it's another health problem, and when she goes to the doctor with her pains they just give her more drugs!

I constantly think and pray for her, SHE HAS NO IDEA, she thinks that I don't care no matter how much I show her. She never thanks me for driving two hours in the middle of the night so I can help her with her dog and take care of her. She is easily angered and irritated by me, sometimes it can be very hurtful, I feel trapped and don't know how to help her anymore...I feel she would be more receptive to someone she respects and admires (which is obviously not me) I try to talk to Dad about the issues but he feels she needs to get through school first before we suggest getting her off the adderall.

I'm worried it will be to late by then...if anyone has any advice for me, phone numbers of specialists, or has experienced this yourself or with a loved one, please help me.

[Worried Sister]

I will say I am NOT a Doctor, I have only observed and assume this might be the underlying issue. It is possible her health issues are caused by another health problem. From the research I've done this seems to fit. She is just in so much agonizing pain that it breaks my heart, I just want her to feel better and live the life that was meant for her. One another note, she is doing very very well in school, and doesn't lose focus on the task at hand.

[Cassie]

I know what needs to be done: quit adderall, rehab, talk to a therapist (which she has, but I don't think she goes anymore), but I just don't know how to go about it. Anytime I've mentioned that the adderall is the problem, she finds a way around it, saying it's another health problem, and when she goes to the doctor with her pains they just give her more drugs!

This reminds me of when I was abusing Adderall and didn't yet realize I had a problem. I must have read about 50 self help books over a year period, desperate to cure my depression, anxiety, paranoia, and mental confusion. It never even dawned on me that these problems were due to speed. I'm surprised she is still in denial after 5 years though. I think most of us on here realized our addiction long before that, after 2 or 3 years maybe. I'm just going by other posts I've read on this site. I've also noticed that a good majority of people on this site that are trying to quit have been on adderall 4-7 years at the time of quitting. Seems to be the breaking point for many of us.

Anyway, you must be a saint to bend over backwards for your sister, because from the way you described her, she is not a pleasant person. I'm sure you know that she'll never seek help as long as she's in denial about her addiction and has your services at her beck and call. You and your parents might consider seeing a counselor that specializes in substance abuse issues and families.

[Worried Sister]

Thank you for that, I often wonder if I am inhibiting solving the problem by consistently giving in, it's so hard to see her so alone...She does have good days, but they are far and few in-between. I've read on this site about losing empathy because of adderall, which I totally get (I used for two months in college and was soooo mean to my parents it was awful, I was constantly on edge barely sleeping, never eating), I feel she's lost her empathy which makes her unpleasant, but I put up with it because I was in that dark place for a short time, but the only person able to pull me out of it was myself...nobody else knew what was going on, I was alone and desperate and made the change willingly. I will seek out a counselor, maybe it will help give me a piece of mind, I am sooo distracted from my work....Dad might not be ready for that but we'll try. Thank you again!

[I hate myself]

Worried Sister, your post hit me right in the heart because I am going through a similar situation. What it all comes down to is that your sister has to be the one to make the change. There is nothing you can do if she refuses to face her addiction. The TV program INTERVENTION is a good source of information as is Al-Anon. By helping her during these self inflicted crises you are prolonging her misery. It will be hard to not help her, but you must let her know that if she does not agree to treatment or stop her Adderall abuse on her own, you will no longer be available to her. It is tough love and the only thing you can do to help her. Can you get your family to arrange an Intervention?

I am struggling myself on a daily basis to finally stop this horrible Adderall addiction. I have quite a few friends who are also taking this drug that I find it extremely hard to completely quit. Sometimes I just want to run away for a few months, get healthy again and get my real self back.

What breaks my heart is seeing how it is destroying my younger brothers life. He has completely changed since starting this drug years go. He is constantly on edge, antisocial, and looks like he has aged 20 years in 5 years. He is also in denial and actually thinks he needs the drug to live his life and gets defensive when confronted. I know what you mean about the health problems, this drug destroys your immune system, causes heart damage, and accelerates other chronic diseases. But what it destroys most is the most important thing in he world-- self love and the ability to love others.

Good luck and keep in touch, this site is an invaluable source of information.

[Worried Sister]

You're totally right, the more I read that I can't help her, the more I accept it. She has to overcome this on her own, helping her just feeds the addiction. I wish I could take the pain away for her, she is so smart and has numerous opportunities ahead of her, I wish she could see how much she is holding herself back and missing out on her life.

It must be especially difficult for you, my heart goes out to you and your brother. You sound like a very strong person, you've taken responsibility to know you need to quit and you will overcome this, they say it takes time but with patience and endurance, you can beat this!

I honestly don't know what a intervention will do, I feel if we (me, friends, family) confront her as a whole, she'll completely lose it, she is a very complicated person and it's hard to predict what might happen especially with her past antics. I will research that show though and maybe one day if she doesn't realize how it's destroying her, I might have to take action with a intervention. As a family we are hurting greatly for her, I don't think she realizes how much and I honestly don't think she cares.

Something that helped pull me out of it (I had a experience with Adderall in college) was I really listened to myself, what I was saying, how I reacted to people, and found myself wanting to take it back. It's very small at first, but you have to think how you would of handled that same situation prior to adderall. I was also very lucky and met my Husband a few months after my experience, and he's the one who really saved me. Yes, I was pretty much alone through most of my addiction and withdrawal, but once I felt love again, it was the greatest high in the world.