Adderall sucks the life out of you and steals your soul

[Scottie]

Hi All,

It's been 15 days since I last had adderall, and it has not been a walk in the park to say the least. I started out taking adderall when I was 20 years old (10mg IR). My grades in college were poor, and I was lacking drive and focus, so I literally asked my doctor for a prescription and he wrote it for me, hardly any questions asked.

On Adderall I completely transformed into the focused, smart, and motivated student that I always yearned for. I went from community college to a very credible university, and eventually obtained a job with my dream company. I owe a great deal of credit to the adderall because I would most likely not be at the level of succes that I am at today without it.

While in school I would take 10-30mg a day on and off, depending on how much I had on my plate. I used to think of adderall as wonder drug, and I never had any regrets about taking it. I mean how could I, I felt like the fucking man when I was on it. Then... the dependency started to kick in. My last year of college I increased my dosage from 10mg IR to 15mg IR. I was obviously capable of doing so much more, and feeling so much better while I was on adderall so I started taking adderall almost every day.

Things took a turn for the worse when I started my career. I was the new kid on the block, and I wanted to show everyone that I was not messing around. I had my goals mapped out, and I wanted to rise up through the ranks of my company fast, and there was no way I was going to do it without my best friend addy. I excelled rather quickly, working 55-60 hour weeks like it was nothing, and was still able to workout 5-6 days week. In the midst of this I upped my daily dosage to 40mg XR. I was about 6 months into my job, and I was very happy with my progress. Then something strange started happening. I started becoming very irritable, and the ever so popular adderall come down, which I hardly ever experienced, kicked into play. The biggest thing I noticed was how socially awkward and boring I was becoming. I was literally turning into a zombie. Adderall slowly turned me from a fun loving extrovert, to an introvert on the highest level. I wanted the old me back. The part that had a sense of humor, the part that could hold a conversation on something other than work, and most of all the part that could let go and have fun. Obviously stopping adderall was out of the question, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I came up with a plan use positive thinking, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

This is when things really took a turn for the worst. We all know that when we're on adderall we get tunnel vision and focus intensely. After I realized that adderall was turning me into a zombie, and changing me as a person, I started becoming very self conscious and started focusing on how I was acting and what people were thinking of me. I pretty much developed social anxiety, and It was so bad that I couldn't even talk with my co-workers, friends, and family. I felt miserable, so I tried to quit adderall. Without adderall my confidence was nonexistent, so my social anxiety became worse. I went back to adderall, and it was hit or miss. Some days I would be good, and other days I would just hyperfocus, and ruminate about stupid things, like if my eye contact was okay, or why did this person give me a strange look? I couldn't function around people, so I knew I had to quit. I took a week off work and literally hibernated in my apartment. I felt okay, mainly because I did not have work to do, and I wasn't around anybody else. I went back to work adderall free and things were a lot better. I would get stints where I had social anxiety, but I was usually able to take a deep breath, and focus on work and other things. My productivity plummeted to say the least, and I was not able to get much work done without adderall. I made it another week and I was feeling a lot better. But during the week I let my emotions get the best me and I took a small dose of adderall. Immediately felt the high and confidence that I first got when I started taking adderall, so I decided instead of stopping cold turkey I was going to ween my self down. I felt good for 2-3 days, but then I got that zombie feeling back and I started hyper focusing again on stupid things.

I decided that I was going to bite the bullet, and quit cold turkey. It's been a rough 15 days, but I know I will get better. Things are actually starting to feel more natural. I don't always have to force myself to laugh, and I'm not over thinking everything. The withdrawal symptoms seem to come in spurts, so it has been very unpredictable. I've been drinking a lot of green and chamomile tea, and it seems to help.

I'm 15 days closer to getting my soul back, and turning back into the regular me! I apologize for the long rant but writing about this has definitely helped my rehabilitation process.

[kisskiss]

I really enjoyed your entry...congrats!! Keep posting your progress, as reading others helps me get through mine

[Brandy76]

Wow this such a well written story on the grasps of adderall. I totally relate to becoming boring and irritable its like I'm only happy when the pill frst hits but in between doses watch out Im nasty and become very withdrawn.

And it's strange about u going back to the "regulare me". I don't even know what that is anymore