8 1/2 Month Update

[sirod9]

hello everyone - I'm at 8 1/2 months, and still going strong. it is hard, PAWS is still a thing, and I'm finding myself wondering if I really do have ADHD. Even though I was diagnosed in the past, I have never had what I would consider proper testing to come to a final diagnosis. Even if I were to get a final diagnosis, I would have to continue to go unmedicated. because I honestly can't do that drug without abusing it.

Anyways, I was dong great for over a month, then over a week ago, I was hit with a terrible bout of PAWS (at least that is what I believe it is). there is no other explanation. Fatigue, brain fog, depression, anhedonia, increased hunger. I was doing so well for a good period of time, that I became a bit too confident that I was "out of the woods." The worst symptoms have somewhat passed, but the brain fog persists. The positive side of PAWS is: I don't crave adderall. Oddly, I crave adderall more when I'm feeling good. Not intense cravings, just a low level desire to do drugs (if that makes any sense). When I am experiencing PAWS symptoms, I am well aware of the damage adderall does, so the cravings disappear. 

On top of it, my relationship suffers at times. My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but my occasional inattentiveness hurts him. He says it is as if I am there, but stuck in my head or elsewhere. I know I sometimes interrupt him when he is speaking. and I go off on "tangents." taking up a storm about all sorts of odd subjects. and yes, my mind tends to wonder about all of the time. It takes much focus and energy to just be present with him. which I am working on and succeed at sometimes. he just doesn't understand what is going on with me, so he sometimes feels like I am bothered or annoyed by him. which is NOT the case. I love him very much and am willing to work on my stuff, but I guess he will have to accept the fact that I will sometimes just be "spacey."

Work: work is good, I am not going "above and beyond" by any means, but I am putting in effort. it is a steady job and I have been there for over 8 years so I have a good relationship with everyone. I am good enough at what I do that I can do okay even during PAWS.

Weight: I've been working towards losing some weight, and have lost 3 pounds. I feel okay in that area. I only gained about 15 pounds, but that last 5 tipped me over.

Okay, that is my update. If any old timers read this - if you have any advice, or hope stemming from personal experience in quitting, PLEASE SHARE  Positive reinforcement helps so much!

 

[m34]

I’m sorry you’re having to go through that! That’s awesome you’ve  made it to 8.5 months.
 

Hang in there. I remember the 8-12 month was bumpy for me as well. I’d get to feeling great and it would hit me out of no where. Things that really helped me during that time was doing an anti inflammatory diet. It also helped me to go back to the mindset I had in the beginning. If you don’t get much done that day it’s ok because you didn’t take an adderall type mindset. Just know deep down it will not last forever. You’re almost through the worst. Once you hit a year it really starts to get more consistently better. 

[sirod9]

2 hours ago, m34 said:

I’m sorry you’re having to go through that! That’s awesome you’ve  made it to 8.5 months.
 

Hang in there. I remember the 8-12 month was bumpy for me as well. I’d get to feeling great and it would hit me out of no where. Things that really helped me during that time was doing an anti inflammatory diet. It also helped me to go back to the mindset I had in the beginning. If you don’t get much done that day it’s ok because you didn’t take an adderall type mindset. Just know deep down it will not last forever. You’re almost through the worst. Once you hit a year it really starts to get more consistently better. 

Thank you!! Hearing from others who have gone through this process completely is the most helpful thing. It keeps me going knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[DelaneyJuliette]

When I had my 5 years it was like that for me too.  M34 is right; shift the mindset and know that this too shall pass.  I'm trying to do that now so I can build my time back up bc I KNOW that the emotional states won't last.