2nd day with no adderall

[Debra77]

Today is my 2nd day without adderall and let me tell you I'm barely able to function. I am a 43 year old female. I feel so physically and mentally exhausted. I'm at work right now and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat so anxious to get up and just walk out and go home and get in my bed. I have been so tempted to grab the adderall bottle and take one but I know it's got to stop. I have been on adderall and at one time vyavanse for 5 years now. Here are just a few of the things that this drug has done to me:

1. I'm thin and unhealthy.

2. I got a DUI 2 years ago.

3. I walk out of my job of 16 years.

4. I've isolated myself from family and don't even answer their phone calls.

5. When I'm coming down from this medicine I am literally like a zombie and want to be totally left alone.

6. My mouth is dry all the time.

7. This medication has RUINED the last 5 years of my life without a doubt.

8. I can't have any type of relationship because I have such a short fuse. Very irritable and mean when the medication wears off.

9. I cry all the time.

10. I don't even cook dinner for my 2 son's anymore and they have been neglected because all I want is to be left alone. Thank the lord one of my sons is 17 and can help me out somewhat.

11. I think about suicide on a daily basis but don't think I would actually do it but who knows with the crazy decisions I have been making. I think about my 2 sons and I bawl my eyes out.

I just started a new job 2 weeks ago and have already missed a day and 1/2. I broke down in tears yesterday as it was my first day off the adderall. I had to explain what was going on and will probably be fired but at this point I don't even care anyone. I have been making foolish descisions lately like walking out on my job of 16 years without having another job. I couldn't pay my bills and my credit went to crap. I then found this job and I'm convincing myself how bad I hate it. I don't know if it's really the way I feel or the adderalll talking. I also take xanax and ambien at night to sleep. Also, 40mg of prozac. I'm so sick and tired of this roller coaster ride. I wish my doctor would've told me the effects of this medication 5 years ago and also how addictive xanax is. I didn't take my xanax for 2 days because I was out of town and didn't have it and I nearly died. My doctor has gone so far as to tell me that I need to file for disability. I can't make it financially on disability. What am I suppose to do throw in the towel and say i'm done. Thank you for listening everyone.

[Heather67]

Damn girl, I feel ya. Been there,done that,had over 3 years clean off it,and gotta do it again. The things you describe are relatable and pretty much the norm on mass amounts of it. I feel the hammer bout to come down on things and I'm trying to lay out a plan of attack cuz my son is only 3 and dads away for ummmm bout 4-5 years. This site is gonna be a great resource for us both ..can you do a rehab? Or intensive outpatient...oh yeah. .the new job tho,well I'm really wishing you the best with it,but your in a tough spot on it / or off it right now..the job may not survive. There's no detox off addies usually..anyway, but for me it removed all distractions. I'm sure some others on here with good time off it will give ya more than I can right now,but I felt for you,because I have felt it too. We all have. Get through it hour by hour ..hang in there!!

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Debra, you sound so desperate and your story is so devastatingly sad. But you have come to the right place... it's also a story not dissimilar to many of us. Congratulations on making it through 2 days (I hope)! With the weekend ahead of us, maybe you can take a bit of time to do some planning about how you are going to manage the next couple of weeks without adderall.

There's a post on here about the importance of planning. I couldn't agree more. I have been in your shoes and I lost my job after 12 years of being fine... then went through another 2 or 3 jobs in 3 years shortly thereafter... all because of adderall. I am now taking the time I need to stop, be gentle with myself, rest and recover from this horrible addiction. It is taking a lot longer than I expected as I'd heard on many other sites etc that it just took 2 weeks, but when you're a chronic abuser, I can tell you first hand it takes A LOT longer than that. I'm on day 50 (yay!) and still have to take a nap almost every day, and can't overdo it 3 days in a row or I end up spending next day in bed. I do feel more in control though which is great.

Welcome to the site though and you really have come to a great place. be patient, take each day as it comes, ride the waves. We are all learning from ourselves and each other, day by day.