My story with abuse and recovery.

[nomorespeed]

My whole life i have been addicted to highly stimulating activities whether that being video games or spending countless hours on social media. There was a time when i was around 13 when I would wake up in the morning and hop on Xbox and literally spend the whole entire day playing games (7am-12 at midnight). The video game phase ended around 14 and I needed something else to replace it so I would spend all of my free time watching YouTube, being on Snapchat and watching porn the second I got home from school or football.  So of course all of this lead me to have symptoms of adhd and not have motivation to do in well in high school. So at 16 I decided to go to a psychiatrist and get on adderall I tested very high on the charts for ADD and ADHD. Just like anything else that's stimulating I fell in love with it it gave me that instant dopamine and it'd last a few hours. My addiction with it started slow and really kicked off around 17 as i started experimenting with taking double my dose which was 2 10mg instant releases at the same time. The high i got from it was amazing. My usage kept ramping up as I kept chasing the high I got from it. i loved how confident and careless it made me, I felt like I could do anything I wanted. My senior I year I was taking up to 80 mg of instant release a day and would take xanax sometimes to help with the comedowns. At around 19 I realized I had bad problem, I was in a relationship at the time and It forced me to quit adderall. I would literally pull all nighters and became paranoid cause of how geeked I was she thought i was insane. But for about 2 years I was abusing up to 100mg a day of adderall and a lot of nicotine. When I quit I wanted a fast recovery it was like my body and mind already knew what it needed to do to recovery from all this abuse. I quit adderall, nicotine, social media, alcohol, porn and caffeine.  Only thing I really would consume that was stimulating was caffeine again around 5 months of abstinence from everything. Around the 7 month mark I really noticed some big changes. I had so much energy and motivation it felt great. I would literally want to do homework or clean things. I never had the urge to do any of those things before. Around the 8 month mark was when I really noticed positive things. I was literally high on life. I felt better than I did when I was adderall, eating foods felt amazing and just doing normal tasks would give me a little high everytime. It was like i was a kid again. Socializing used to be very boring for me but now it was very fun and I wanted to talk to everyone. But around the 10 month mark I was feeling so good that I felt like taking adderall again. For 1 year I was taking up to 120mg again everyday with alcohol on the come down. I was running out of adderall so fast that I knew I had to quit because i knew i couldn't maintain that high everyday. I knew I was destroying my brain. So I decided to stop cold turkey around June 2020. Up till now I haven't had any adderall, so im 2 years clean. I have drank alcohol a lot during my recovery though and nicotine and have been addicted to social media such as TikTok and YouTube. I believe that those things are holding me back to a full recovery so I have cut out social media and limited my alcohol intake. But I truly believe that complete abstinence is the key to feeling great sober and being productive and to have a good recovery from the abuse done. It is very hard though to limit the things that are stimulating its literally everywhere. Im 22 now and am thinking about starting wellbutrin because I have about a year of college left and I want to get it knocked out, but my depression is making it hard and my lack of motivation. So i'm going to try wellbutrin and limit anything else stimulating to see if I see any results. I know it's not smart to get on another stimulant but I feel like I will not be able to get through my college without it.