Documenting the Dissipation, 11 Years of Dependance.

[lightofthetunnel]

Well hello there! This story is about this 20 year old documenting his quitting process of adderall, hopefully cold turkey. I will document each day in detail how i feel, dosage, and if i slip up after a week. now my introductions are usually more organized and focused, but...im not on adderall!!! yes, after more than half my life on adderall, i'm finally throwing the sweat rag (am i right?) and i can feel emotion rushing back to me. ahem!

Day 1: well, this is the first day of no adderall. i am prescribed a whopping 60 mg's a day, took 20 yesterday, now none (may seem like a big drop off, but for me, thats "weening" in a way). ill be honest its really nice in some ways! instead of binging with no sleep, its binging to go eat. instead of clammy hands and a cold heart, its a daring man with a warm start. "I'm tireless and im wireless"-George Carlin. now. we know quitting aderrall isn't sunshine and rainbows so ill end this days entry. (ill make this a little shorter)

Day 2: I'm still enjoying the freedom to feel. of course im more clumsy, feel pain, disorganized, sleep all the time, about to gain 15 pounds in a week and have occasional emotional mini-meltdowns, but at least this way i can laugh about any of that happening. i start to notice the cons of adderral after making it one day without any. on adderral i would've noticed the cons of everything else. even happiness.

(this remains for the next 2 days as well)(Day 4 is a little bumpy)

Day 5: Oh boy! i have a bottle with 58 IR's of 30 mils just taunting me when i wake up, but I'm documenting this, i hate heart twinges, my friends notice im more balanced mood-wise, i love eating & sleeping, and the ability to laugh. Im looking for every reason by now not to take any of those sweet, addy-girls.(they are sweet, they're the orange ones) they look so tantalizing, but i resist. and its going to get a lot worse.

Day 6: Dilemma! so im applying for college, christmas shopping, and cleaning before relatives arrive. its all such bs i swear, but this is god testing me in probably the worst time in my life to quit adderral, or is it the best. I guess do your best at your worst, and your worst will get better! (i just made that up) anyway, im a musician who wrote a LOT of music on adderral. you know those all-nighters? yeah, i rocked those. (sorry if im making it sound worse) now i lack all motivation to play guitar or write songs, but i still crave to. weird huh? I even crave the desire of cigarettes on adderall, even though im still smoking them. all these little reasons building up, but this venting is helping a significant amount.