Almost a month clean

[Workingthroughit]

First and foremost, I need to thank this forum. Reading these stories is so incredibly helpful. I was on xr 20 mgs for about 7 years when I quit cold turkey about a month ago. I'm a lawyer and I used adderall to get through law school and the 70 hour work weeks. I'm 29 years old, and I was seriously concerned about my health taking this drug.

The first week was absolutely brutal. Luckily that first week coincided with a major flu epidemic that hit my office. I got away with a 40 hour work week. I slept a solid 14 hours each night. And this is really embarrassing; I had some serious constipation issues.

After that first week I started to "feel" again. I'm not trying to be vague; I actually finally felt something instead of being a drone. I remembered what I liked and what I didn't like. On adderall, I could literally make anything interesting. I've been known to go through bankers boxes of documents in 15 hour clips. Adderall let me lose myself in my work. Now, I get to choose what I like.

No more constant dry mouth. My workouts have been off the charts. I sleep soundly at night. i never thought my sex drive was low. But its incredibly higher now. My energy levels are getting better and better each week. I'll never have the energy I had. But I'm really learning to love my job for what it is. I still process information quickly, but I make less mistakes.

It's a struggle. But the positives have outweighed the negatives and I know this was the right choice. Thanks to everyone for your stories. They got me through this and will continue to get me through this.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Welcome to the forum. Lots of people like you here. (Sebastian, are you out there....??). Keep talking. There will be awesome days and shitty days and everything in between. We are here to ride the waves with you.

[LILTEX41]

I LOVE reading posts like this! You definitely made me just now. So happy for you! Congrats on your new fabulous life!

Hugs!

[BeHereNow]

Hi WorkingThroughIt, congrats on almost a month clean! This is a huge accomplishment because quitting cold turkey is NOT easy. Thanks for sharing your story, it's very inspiring.

I have to disagree with you about one small thing though. I think that your energy levels will eventually EXCEED what they were on adderall. Your energy will permeate more of your life, you'll have more to spare, but you won't be able to summon it with a pill. There is a reason they give it to ADHD children, it has a calming as well as stimulating effect...calming and stimulating them into little drones.

I think adderall also burns people out. All that energy expenditure makes for a serious crash. I have quit before and I am currently on day 23 (or is it 24?) From my previous and current experience, I have more energy, far more energy overall (and when I quit before, for years, it was insane how much energy I had--why did I go back???) It's just not as concentrated. Your brain is producing all those energizing chemicals again and I forget where the website says it, but it compares it to (I think) something like a pool of water-- the water (dopamine, energy) is all there when you're successfully quit, but adderall pours it out in a very specific stream. When you're off it, you just have it. And you WILL! And it sounds like you already do!

[Sebastian05]

workingthroughit. I am also an attorney and i was diagnosed with ADHD while i was in law school. Now i seriously question the validity of that diagnosis. I was taking this garbage for 4 years and change at 10-20mg a day instant release. it was usually 10mg in the morning and then 10mg in the afternoon. For the past year or two i went down to 10mg a day. Just one in the morning.

I feel like while i was in law school it DEFINITELY helped me. I always felt energized by it and felt confident and safe. The damn stuff would make me feel safe, and like i was on the right track and just going about life in the right way. I'm pretty sure without it, I wouldn't have been able to focus as hard as I needed to for the bar exam. It has also helped tremendously during the working day for me as well.

A few weeks ago, I just decided I was sick of this stuff being a crutch and figured i couldnt be on it for the rest of my life, so i cold turkey'd it and went through some awful withdrawal. Terrible anxiety, awful insomnia, night sweats, chills throughout the day and awful depression.

I then decided to ween myself off so i went back on at 5mg a day for about a week. Now its been about 2+ weeks since i've had any. I still have a really hard time sleeping. The insomnia really sucks. The awful anxiety has gone away for the most part, but I've been feeling really depressed and hopeless. I dunno what the hell is going on, but I certainly hope i havent melted my brain with this BS that i was prescribed. I hope that this goes away and that i get my confidence and energy back.

I've always been one to eat healthy and work out, and that hasn't changed. I dont feel the same general enthusiasm, though...for anything. I just feel like i've been wiped out.

This is a very scary journey for me so far, and i feel like its just the beginning and im scared to death.

[Cat]

Congrats Workingthroughit, the strength it must have taken to make the decision to quit in your situation is admirable. And Sebastian05, you too. I am not a lawyer, but relate to the demands and high expectations that I created with adderall in my professional life. I started taking adderall after college while just beginning my first professional job. I was promoted to a director level position quickly and at a young age. I don't give adderall all of the credit because I was also a top performing student without it during undergrad, but it made me feel vulnerable to leave it behind at this point in my career.

Still, I cannot imagine having such a strenuous job that working "only 40 hours" was a luxury. My first week off adderall coincided with my first week at a new job, so thankfully I was able to get away with a lot (less) and pass it off as taking time to learn the ropes.

I was totally burned out and bored and slacking at my last job even with adderall though, so this is a totally new experience on many levels. Getting through the day without adderall, learning a new job without adderall, making a first impression on my new colleagues without adderall. It's almost like living a new kind of double life, celebrating the smallest of victories in private (finished the easy project and replied to all the emails and then ate a salad, yay!) and pretending to be Very Focused on Very Important Things in public.

[Heather67]

A month is huge...for me it kinda solidified that I could really do it if I chose not to fuck it all up. Its a daily winding road for sure....but it feels good to feel again...and to know you are really being honest with people,and that a day is so much less complicated than it used to be....and that when you go to bed...much earlier than before,you know that you are indeed fuckin doing this shit. Getting your own life back. So big happy out to you. That helps keep us all going!!!