Heather67 Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Godddddd,is this day gonna end!!! Brought some bags of clothes and shit I need to go through....and yupppp,just keep walking by em on the table. That "lets get Jacked its Friday"thing is subsiding...but its being replaced with,"fuck I don't have shit at this point in life"...no car no job no social life no Benjamin's or Washington's for that matter, its overwhelmingly inescapable it seems. I get my " I hate heroin" kick, for it is 97% responsible for the current lack of's....I get pissed at my husband because heroin showed up via him. ..yet at the same time I miss him and the marriage that once was before the shit blew wide open. The support of a spouse,the just hanging out and having dinner and goofing on t.v,laying next to him and feeling protected......son of a bitch dude!!!!! Yet at the same time I wanna land a fuckin punch on him strait to the face "!!! Complete emotional roller coaster....I'm like fuck my 2 friends cuz they suck...wishy washy douche Bags sometimes...can't do what they say. My kid is all over me being a pest...and I feel no sense of calm or peace. Frustration,irritability ...yeah HALT!! MINUS THE T. HURT(NOT HUNGRY), ,ANGRY LONELY ..NO TIRED. ahhhh the addict without the drug.....I love this shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 That sounds about as close to hell as you could get...... I wish I had something to say that could help you.... but all I can do is just join you and say, Yeahhhh!! Fuck that frog!! Because some days, that's just how it is. You're strong, you'll get through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Oh occasional.....its a bullshit road indeed sometimes....but its MY BULLSHIT ROAD right. Hahaha....3 ways you can go in life....give up,give in or give it all you fuckin got!!! I've always been a challenge kinda chick. ..so yeah,FUCK YOU HEROIN AND THE FROG U RODE INTO TOWN ON!!! I AM NOT DONE YET!!!! I'm also not right!!!! LOL ...Hugs!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 oh man, that sounds a lot like how I felt Wednesday... yeah, looking around at my life saying "wtf good do I have to show for any of it!?" No friends, failed marriage, job's about to dry up, no money, house falling apart and all these kids practically hangin' off my t*ts all the damn time (not literally, lol.) I know commiseration is no real comfort...... all we can do is all we can do. It passed (like a kidney stone, but passed) hope the feeling passes for you soon too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Oh no commiseration is good ....specially on the kid front. LOL ...I'm not Heather...I'm.mommy. that's it no identity....nuthin...mommy this, mommy that...goldfish crackers,juice...go-gurts(who's dumb ass came up with those shits!!!)and God forbid they here ya move....its like a mass decent on ummm mommy...really,just gonna try and brush my freaking hair....but I want a lollipop .....A WHATTTTTTTTTT!! glad you can fit some candy in while bleeding the life outta me. I love them dearly..and blessed they are healthy but God damn...these people and time outs and soft voices .....that's not always how parenting is. Or life...but I suppose ill keep trudging ....thanks girl!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yep, time-outs and soft voices only around here! Ha...haha...hahahahahahahaha...HAHAHA. Aw, girl... no doubt we all love our kids beyond anything in this world, but .. goddammit it is HARD!! Especially the toddler/preschool years are so demanding. I had four kids in just under 6 years (I didn't plan it that way, the youngest two are twins (and surprises), now 7yrs old and, must say, much less stressful). I stayed home for most of those years except for a part-time job (where they came with me...christ) and later finishing college. I just remember the constant crying, fussing, mommy mommy mommy, goldfish crackers stuck to my socks and yes, that fuckin go-gurt smeared everywhere...(hell, it's still like that some days)! I laugh, I cry, I laugh.. and cry sometimes at the same time 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Good God. You two mothers make me really really glad I never had any kids (or got married, for that matter) In your Golden Years, you will look back at these experiences with fond memories, I hope. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Hahaha quit once...those damn deal breaking spouses. No...someday ill laugh..its just hard when all your day consists of is potty training...nick Jr...and not much adult contact. Its tough right now ...but go- gurt will suck forever !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 What the fuck is go-gurf ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 lol go-gurt is yogurt in a squeeze pouch... kind of like old school push-ups but with yogurt and in more of a capri-sun looking pouch... yogurt on the go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, you mothers' experiences with kids seriously reaffirm my decision not to have them.....!!! I'm sure they're beautiful and I'm sure it's worth it in the long run, but kids are so tough! They are little energy vampires! Oh man, and quitting adderall with kids nagging you....24/7......I CANNOT IMAGINE!! My heart goes out to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 The brutal honesty of what people say is one of those things that make this place so interesting. I have learned so much about relationships, spouses and rasing kids (and yes, lots about addiction too)from some of you here. I really don't think you would get these perspectives from casual conversations or even serious discussions with your friends, parents or significant others or even tharapists. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 The brutal honesty of what people say is one of those things that make this place so interesting. I have learned so much about relationships, spouses and rasing kids (and yes, lots about addiction too)from some of you here. I really don't think you would get these perspectives from casual conversations or even serious discussions with your friends, parents or significant others or even tharapists. I totally agree with you. The kinds of raw comments that these amazing moms make are not the things I would ever hear from my friends with kids, even though I see every day the exhaustion on their faces and the depression they feel. There is a HUGE social stigma being able to be honest about how shitty childraising can be, like it makes you a bad parent to be honest about the challenges of it. I wish more women would feel comfortable talking like this in public. So many moms suffer in silence, childrearing can be really lonely and painful for moms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 You know the flip side of being a parent is taking care of your elderly parents...and I have earned my wings and sripes in that catagory. It would have been sooo helpful if I would have had a place like this to vent while helping my mom through the end of her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 .. that was the lowest point for you in terms of your addiction, too, wasn't it? Family pressures are so shitty sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yup. And I was taking adderall because I thought it helped with the depression...and now I am unsure whether it helped or made it worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 You are speaking the Gospel on that MFA!!! It seems to have had its beginnings in the ",!I LOVE BEING PREGNANT" go to phrase of so many soon to be moms,what???? Seriously???? That can be the case ,who am I to say...but 4 times out and I've hated it every time!!! I'd go strait to labor vs what is actually 10 months ladies...sorry....anyday. when I had my princess Mallory ...15 years ago and the first....I brought her home and realized I met the first person I would 110% lay my life down for to spare hers....provide her with anything at my own expense ...unconditional love like nothing ever felt....they are all the best of two people despite how the two feel about each other. ...they are pure and not jaded...they see the good in everything,they say the funniest shit at the best and worst times.....they are forever an extension of you .....the heart of it could exsist outside of your body. But they are little people with needs and only gradually developing means to take care of those needs. Trying to keep perspective in place about that when the demands are coming like rapid fire....is not a wall in the park...I do it temporarily without his father, whom a child desperately needs....I want my children to have an unabashed sense of humor,and be genuinely accepting of who they are. For popularity is for the masses....integrity is for ones soul. Adderall does not give me the ability to even see the twisted humor amidst the stressful days of cartoon theme songs and poptarts. It strips me of all ability to to be anything to them....I'm a physical presence only. You have to quit for yourself ...they reap the benefits of that. Parenting is the toughest job...some say thankless....not true...that comes when they are older...not in words, but by whom they become. Stay off adderall. Cross my fingers and hope for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Also the way I see it is that by the time I reach retirement age, there will be no more Social Security program and thus will be thankful I had so many kids. Hopefully at least one of them will take pity on me in old age... Nah, I bet by now we moms are both probably feeling the need to put disclaimers like "no, no don't get us wrong-- there's lots of wonderful things about raising kids". And there is! Plus words can't even describe the unconditional love you feel for them- someone you'd totally give your life for without a moment's hesitation (and in a way, that's exactly what you do little by little throughout it all) But the moms who try to act all perfect and like each day is just perpetual joy-- ew, such fuckery I cannot abide. I don't know, it's hard to explain-- there's really no analogy I can think of for it, it's just a unique life experience unto itself and the good and bad parts are just two sides of the same coin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 One last thing to mention- hilarious as hell! Samuel Jackson reading "Go the Fuck to Sleep" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv6b0CretuE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 I was thinking about what QO said about caring for elderly parents. I think if anything that is more of a suffer in silence kind of thing, because no one gives a shit about old people. It's not like when I run in to friends, they ask me "oh you haven't put any pics of Nelda on Facebook recently?! I miss seeing her, she's so adorable!". Nope, old people are just old. And they are needy and sad and time consuming, but without the joy because you know they're going to die soon. Sorry to be all Debbie downer this morning! I'm kind of in a shitty mood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Speaking of the elderly....my mom just said "there are woman who enjoy it Heather!!!"....pipe the fuck down lady!!! Another one I love dearly but living with her at my age ...beyond taxing ...whole mother post!!!! Go the fuck to sleep too!!!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Supposed to read ..whole other post...came out mother. I smell karma and its coming for me. Oh shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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