More Confused than ever using Adderall

[Pluto]

This is a little difficult to post. I am well past bedtime.. normal behavior for someone on Adderall I suppose. I have been on Adderall for 2 months at 20mgs 3 times/day. I have become more confused than ever in my entire life. I can NOT accomplish/finish a single task. I am so behind in EVERYTHING and own a business that is growing quickly despite the current economy and my lack of focus/organization. Now, 2 months into this program I was put on by my psychiatrist for the reason of being confused, I find that each morning I can NOT move at all. I feel like an 80yr old man (I'm 42) and it literally takes 2 hours to get going after taking my first dose. Then instead of getting stuff done, I completely procrastinate everything and hyperfocus on the computer. The only time anything gets done is when it's the last minute and I'm in panic and force myself to complete the necessary tasks at hand to keep the company operating. I'm embarrassed to say, the company is now starting to fail quickly. WHY am I 10 times more confused than before I starte this Adderall? Everything seems overwhelming contrary to SO MANY stories I've read about the effects of Adderall. I want OFF! I desparately want OFF! Please, any suggestions welcomed. I have the issue of the fact that I can NOT cold turkey and hide in my room for 4-7 days (seemingly the time frame other friends have taken to get over the completely coma like state of mind). I have to continue working. I believe the idea or correct way for my situation would be to reduce a little at a time. This I find very difficult too. As I am now findig the HIGH pleasant in spite of how much a wrecking ball the drug has become for me. However, I believe if someone shared with me a similar experience, one that included the complete confusion or state of confusion contrary to the ability to focus better using the drug. I am spun out and all over the place. So if there's someone out there who share that simularity of experience while on, and possible weaned off successfully but continued to complete every day tasks (preferrably someone that had very high volumes of work to complete each day), I think just reading it (the detailed reduction program or however it was done) this would help me out. I like to gather strengths from success stories that apply to my condition or have very similar... simularities. What did you do? When/if you reduced and kept your resposibilities.... what mg reduction did you use and how much time between reductions and everything else involved, ie; diet excersize etc. I will add that I, up until 2 days after starting the Adderall was in the gym every single day. I used to compete in bodybuilding and have always been super lean at 225lbs and 6' tall and eaten very strictly about 6+ meals/day (small fequent meals consisting of low fat, fibrous carbs, higher protein) basically a bodybuilder, fitness diet. I would do cardio and heavy weightlifting 5 days/week and could keep up with the 20 somethings easily. Again, 2 days after the start of this horrible med, I haven't worked out a day since, eat horribly, mostly sweets and carbfilled meals, fast food..stuff I haven't touched in 20 years. Anyone out there have adviced to keep going, ( I WILL tolerate pain and sluggishness as long as I can get through the day wihtout passing out or no matter my will power not fall asleep etc). Please share. Your input is greatly appreciated. And I will apologize right now, because I have NOT read any of the threads yet. I decided to start with pouring out my guts first, then do some reading as I've read all the tabs in the main index of the site before finally arriving at the forum section. I have taken Xanax (I try to use it as sparingly as possible, strecthing a months worth out over several months) so I can get to sleep now and wake again at 6 am. And damn it.... I will probably take the 20mg dose and say to myself..."oh just one more day, I'll lower it tomorrow", for the umpteenth time. Help please. I promise to be reciprocal and share any success I achieve and/or answer being transparent as possible as to help others if that's even possible in my stage of this horribble game.

Thank you for reading! I will be back tomorrow sometime when my alzheimer like symptoms (my best description of what's happened since the drug) allows me to access the part of my memory that nudges me to go back here to this forum. Have a peaceful night/rest depending what time zone you are in.

Goodnight.

[Alliee]

You have only been taking it for two months? You don't know how lucky you are.

I'm assuming youre worried because you fear your business is about to crash and you need your old mind back and can't afford to stop taking adderall for a week?

Are you sure you couldn't postpone something? I really think you need to just stop taking it. You are so close to having your old brain. Adderall, over long term, permanently fries dopamine transmitters, depletes skills you have built on for your entire life, and just ruins the coping strategies that you have taken years and years to develop without even knowing it. After two months... you still have all of that stuff. You are just so lucky. STOP taking it!! It is really bad. In a few years you will be nothing but frustrated and angry and pissed off and you will realize that all of the good things in your life that you worked so hard for dissappeared subtly without any warning. The things you got just by being you for your whole life, things you were admired for.. are not only gone.. but forgotten... you knwo that saying, it's not how you start, it's how you finish"? Well.. even my closest friends and my sister don't even remember how I used to be. When I am on adderall they treat me like crap. Adderall is so evil. It really is. It will do really good things, but something equally bad will result because of the same event. It effects the people close to you negatively. Your popping a pill prevents you from playing your role in their lives.. i've seen it happen in my life... I am a problem. People around me don't realize it but I know what i should be/could be doing for them.. and would normally be doing... and I see what they are doing because I am not there.

[Alliee]

You know? your situation is easy. You need to call the dr. and tell him never to write you a script again. If you really are having this much trouble quitting on your own after two months... do you think you can do it? Just cancel the script. Tell everyone around you that you can't take it anymore and then never take it again. You have to be strong. You still have a lot of natural strength left.. the only thing you dont' have is the terrible experience from adderall that most of the longer using members have... that is going to make us quit. You don't have the huge nagging unnatural problems that we have yet. You have the same old problems that you have dealt with your whole life... and that the people who know you expect from you and love you anyway for. I wish I could have those normal, natural, familiar problems back. Just stop taking the medicine. You have it so easy, I'm honestly happy for you.

[Alliee]

triple post... sorry! My computer is playing tricks on me.

[Alliee]

whoops

[Pluto]

You know? your situation is easy. You need to call the dr. and tell him never to write you a script again. If you really are having this much trouble quitting on your own after two months... do you think you can do it? Just cancel the script. Tell everyone around you that you can't take it anymore and then never take it again. You have to be strong. You still have a lot of natural strength left.. the only thing you dont' have is the terrible experience from adderall that most of the longer using members have... that is going to make us quit. You don't have the huge nagging unnatural problems that we have yet. You have the same old problems that you have dealt with your whole life... and that the people who know you expect from you and love you anyway for. I wish I could have those normal, natural, familiar problems back. Just stop taking the medicine. You have it so easy, I'm honestly happy for you.

Thank you Alliee! Sometimes just "hearing" it ("it" being the answer I knew was right) is what you need. That was inspirational. YES - QUIT - YES. Everyone gets sick, if I'm down for a few days, it's not abnormal human behavior, lol. I have gone to half of what I was doing....and yeah, I'm a litle tired. Oh jeeese, a little tired?! You're right. Big deal. I will stop now. Took half a pill this morn. No more. Trudge through the next several days or whatever the length will be. I'm sure although I may by out of it or??? I can push through it and work. Can't be as bad as what it will be if I don't. Thank you for the inspiration and sharing. I even had trouble figuring out how to respond/sign in etc just now. Won't happen again soon. Here goes... I'll try to post results. I imagine most people don't come back AFTER they've successfully quit and share compared to the amount of sharing when they're in trouble. I'll try to post a little of what I go through, and then post after Adderall effects are gone, when I'm feeling normal again. Of course, I'll have you to thank again.

Only one way - flush'em down the toilet right now. Thank you again!

[Alliee]

Good. I'm happy for you. I know a girl that started taking adderall in jr high because she was getting into trouble too early for her age. She stopped getting into trouble.. but the girl is not happy as a 26 year old. She is snappy. She has had a bf for a long time.. they get in long drawn out arguments (sure sign of adderall). The poor unmedicated guy. Also, she "works" so hard.. but to no avail. I think life is all about relationships and being who you are and contributing that way. none of her co workers liked her.. and although she did a ton of work for the gym that was a start up company, she got nothing out of it and is now transferring jobs. She always said her boss was going to get her in the best business school ever, but that never happened. If your heart isn't in the work (which with adderall it isn't.. you will have problems). Yes, you will go through hard times without it.. but at least a business won't be built on fake, generic adderall work (which isn't the best quality and clearly lacks that something special that you have that probably contributed to the idea for the business anyway). Stick through the hard times on your own, without adderall. With the adderall you wouldn't build skills, and the medicine would inhibit you when you are making important, emotional decisions, by taking your emotions and making them numb, too aggressive, or too artificially confident for the situation.

That's my opinion. That being said.. there is one girl on here who took adderall for ten years. only her bf of five years knew she took it. She said she moved up the ranks in the corporate world for those ten years (so it did work for her) but now she doesn't know what to do and feels trapped, because she knows she couldn't be respected by the higher ups without adderall. That situation isn't worth it, I think.

Finally, with adderall, I often feel dead inside. I never had that feeling. I always felt love for my nearest friends and family... but with adderall I don't have as much emotion. I have inattentive adhd, and adderall made me feel antisocial. and not to mention, I got ticks, my skin isn't as glowing, and my hair thinned. I'm not as healthy as I was. there are a toon of other problems I had with this but I won't go on here.

[John]

I wrote on here about my Adderall plight a couple of weeks ago. I have managed to quit cold turkey. I have been on Adderall since 1996 except for a 4 year period where I stopped completely. I was able to function just fine. You just need to realize that because you have ADHD you need to work a little harder than someone without it (IT IS possible). Also, often prescribed for depression but for Adult ADHD - Wellbutrin XL has been a god send for me. I found myself getting so much down it FELT like I was on Adderall (in regards to motivation) There is no HIGH associated with it though, I just feel normal. You may want to ask your doctor about it - It WORKS for me I sleep great, no weight gain, no loss of sex drive which is common with anti-depressants, and has even helped me quit smoking! Its markerted under the name Zyban for smoking cessation as well. Look into it and good luck! YOU CAN DO IT! I DID!

[Pluto]

Good. I'm happy for you. I know a girl that started taking adderall in jr high because she was getting into trouble too early for her age. She stopped getting into trouble.. but the girl is not happy as a 26 year old. She is snappy. She has had a bf for a long time.. they get in long drawn out arguments (sure sign of adderall). The poor unmedicated guy. Also, she "works" so hard.. but to no avail. I think life is all about relationships and being who you are and contributing that way. none of her co workers liked her.. and although she did a ton of work for the gym that was a start up company, she got nothing out of it and is now transferring jobs. She always said her boss was going to get her in the best business school ever, but that never happened. If your heart isn't in the work (which with adderall it isn't.. you will have problems). Yes, you will go through hard times without it.. but at least a business won't be built on fake, generic adderall work (which isn't the best quality and clearly lacks that something special that you have that probably contributed to the idea for the business anyway). Stick through the hard times on your own, without adderall. With the adderall you wouldn't build skills, and the medicine would inhibit you when you are making important, emotional decisions, by taking your emotions and making them numb, too aggressive, or too artificially confident for the situation.

That's my opinion. That being said.. there is one girl on here who took adderall for ten years. only her bf of five years knew she took it. She said she moved up the ranks in the corporate world for those ten years (so it did work for her) but now she doesn't know what to do and feels trapped, because she knows she couldn't be respected by the higher ups without adderall. That situation isn't worth it, I think.

Finally, with adderall, I often feel dead inside. I never had that feeling. I always felt love for my nearest friends and family... but with adderall I don't have as much emotion. I have inattentive adhd, and adderall made me feel antisocial. and not to mention, I got ticks, my skin isn't as glowing, and my hair thinned. I'm not as healthy as I was. there are a toon of other problems I had with this but I won't go on here.

Didn't do quite as well as I had hoped. Down to 1/4 (5mg) tab once in morn now. Dragging by early afternoon but am able to push through that. Mornings are the toughest. When I quit cold turkey, no amount of will power got me out at 6am. I suppose it probably was possible to pull off but my mind was weakened and felt like an 80yr old man. 5mg enabled me to shower and dress (bitching like an old man, lol the whole time but enough to get up and out the door). Wow, you become so worthless and tired when quitting. Would have done it cold turkey had I had 4-5 days of off time. But (I may have mentioned earlier) I took on a new sector of my business and 4-6 new employees that demand zap every bit of energy I have, calling me constantly. Combined with all the rest of the faucets of my work, the phone (my direct line) rings every 10-15 minutes 7 days/week. Until the receivables catch up, I am not in the position to hire a full time admin to buffer these calls and work load. (That was/is obvious to me know from your writings, the Adderall throwing my hat over the fence and biting off much more than I could chew). Funny now...Yes I see it... I wouldn't have EVER made that decision to take on more at that time should I have been.. ummm for lack of a better term.."Normal" or,,,Adderall free. Looking back, (lol, only looking back just 30+ days ago), my decisions were void of emotional intelligence. No usual inner voice talking to me saying, "taking on this much on my own is totally irrational at this stage, etc." Wow, what a revelation. Even though I have taken 1/4 pill instead of cold turkey, I have much more clarity at times - more towards the afternoon and see the Adderall guy almost from outside myself. Hoping that the seemingly inevitable depression and malaise after quitting won't be too much and cause me to throw in the towel on parts of my business. Trying to keep in mind that ya just PRESS through when tired and depressed as your normal emotions will come back.

I am a little embarrassed about my last post stating "that's it, done, no more", then switching to 1/4 tab in the morn but it was only after failing to get up in the morn and falling way behind. I'm thinking that the drop from 1/4 tab once/day to 1/8 or even none will be easier than 20mgs 2-3 times/day. There was some confusion as well dropping to the 1/4 tab. Have to think a little harder to get stuff done. Funny though because I was all over the place when I was on 2-3/day and a complete mess... so I have contrast to compare with and that keeps me at bay when I think about taking another. And that is another difficult task. NOT taking more than the 1/4 tab when the tiredness hits.

Another strange thing. I have been in the gym for nearly 18 years. Used to compete on a local level in bodybuilding shows. I had been 6' and 240lbs with about 8-9% body fat. Ripped abs, great shape... Then once I started Adderall...the stuff that gives you tons of energy, I quit going to the gym. Haven't gone for 2 months now. Diet went in the garbage, eat just about anything compared to 6-7 meals per day of smaller portions of completely clean no fat meals. Doesn't make sense. You'd think I'd be in the gym more when I was on Adderall full bore. Will probably force myself to go starting this week. I bet that will help out tremendously, kicking in the endorphins again etc.

Anyhow - this has been quite a ramble. Not going to re-read this and correct my grammar. Hope it's all cohesive. More of a true post that way of what my present state of mind is. I would type this much prior to Adderall. My personality. Will post again soon with hopes that I will say that I've been Adderall free for x amount of days and in the gym for... Thank you Alliee. And thanks for everyone who posts. Forums usually are full of complaints of failure and every part of "bad" you can imagine. I try to filter and read success stories as to motivate myself of the reality of it being totally do-able - getting off Adderall and leading a productive life. With that, I will try to post some good news and maybe inspire someone else here.

Thank you.

[Pluto]

I wrote on here about my Adderall plight a couple of weeks ago. I have managed to quit cold turkey. I have been on Adderall since 1996 except for a 4 year period where I stopped completely. I was able to function just fine. You just need to realize that because you have ADHD you need to work a little harder than someone without it (IT IS possible). Also, often prescribed for depression but for Adult ADHD - Wellbutrin XL has been a god send for me. I found myself getting so much down it FELT like I was on Adderall (in regards to motivation) There is no HIGH associated with it though, I just feel normal. You may want to ask your doctor about it - It WORKS for me I sleep great, no weight gain, no loss of sex drive which is common with anti-depressants, and has even helped me quit smoking! Its markerted under the name Zyban for smoking cessation as well. Look into it and good luck! YOU CAN DO IT! I DID!

Can you share if you will, your exerience quitting cold turkey? The daily notes paraphrased? Maybe just a Day1, tired, Day 2, more tired, in bed all day, day3.... etc? I see that you said you were able to function just fine but don't know if that was after you went through a rough time period after quitting or right from the get go - the day after you quit cold turkey. Or maybe you went directly on to Wellbutrin at the same time you cold turkeyed Adderall? I wish to hear about the actual First day of abstinence, second day... what you felt like. If only a little sentence of each day - that would still be great. I'm curious to hear. Thanks for posting.

PS: This is a favor I'm asking, I see that you've posted before. I suppose I could start reading about the forum, but my experience with forums is... once I start doing that I start reading the heck outta everyone's posts and find ALL the reasons to scare the heck outta myself. Right now, I've only posted myself, and read the responses. This is just my method of accomplishing my task at hand because it seems to filter/solicite the more "POSITIVE" replies and keeps me away from the negatives. Hope you understand. Thank you for replying so far!