afraid to take that step

[Freya]

Ive tried weaning myself off but it isn’t gonna work and as much as I want to stop there’s the fear of being without it and the regret that comes after making that decision.. admitting that I need help and having my dose decreased to eventually nothing at all. Just been incredibly stressed out I can’t keep going on like this the dose I take is not good and I feel my health declining and who knows just need some advice. Thanks

[GettingOffOfIt]

I was able to wean off but it took me years to get up the courage to try.  I don't know about your experience weaning off but it was rough for me the first couple of step-downs but it got much easier after that.  Alcohol can make it much harder if you partake in that.  I quit that before weaning off.  Alcohol will make you absolutely nuts if you drink much while taking Adderall anyway, and not just when you are drinking/drunk.  Stopping that would probably be a priority if you are.  It takes a lot of will power to quit, no matter which route you choose.  If you think you can quit cold turkey then try that.  I did that several times and was successfully off of it for over a year.  It gets better.  

Don't beat yourself up for failing.  It is a powerful addiction.  There is no harm in trying weaning more slowly or trying cold turkey several times before being successful.  Just be determined to quit and be prepared for a lot of anxiety.  

Quitting is the best thing I ever did.  You do not need the drug to be successful.  I wanted to get a new job but I wanted to quit the drug more.  I was scared I couldn't do my job (software engineer) without it but if I ever wanted to get off the drug, I had to do it before I got a new job or that would be the end of me.  I was determined to quit and show myself I can do it without the drug and so that motivated me to get where I am.

7.5 months later after weaning and I am better than ever.  I not only function normally, but I am even better focused and have more energy.  I still need L-Tyrosine from time to time.  That's really just me still taking the easy way out to be honest.  I still take an Alpha Brain on occasion when I want to be super sharp.  I can work all day and come home and study/prep new code for job interviews all night until bed time.  I can usually fall asleep within a few minutes and wake up fully refreshed, if I watch my caffeine intake. I can also change tasks easily and jump right back in to what I was doing, where I used to just hyperfocus on one thing for way too long on the pill.  

I have a big final job interview next week for a job that could pay me 2.5 times my current salary.  If I would have quit years ago, I could have been in this position much sooner.  Instead, that evil pill made me happy with my current crappy job, being very entertained by doing some really boring and dreadful work for less pay than at other places.  Who knows what I could have been without it.  I refuse to let my past haunt me though.  I'm only focused on moving forward, not on what I lost as far as relationships, career, etc....  I'm living my best life from here on out.  

Hope you can join me.  Its a tough journey to start but gets much easier.  

[Freya]

24 minutes ago, GettingOffOfIt said:

@GettingOffOfIt I was drinking every night for almost 3 years until March of this year and since then I’ve felt a lot better I agree with you I tried multiple times stopping adderall during then and I’d end up taking more I was incredibly emotional although I am still just not to the extent alcohol brought it. but regarding adderall every week to every day now I’m trying but every second of the day I’m thinking about it and it’s consuming me to the point of the adderall not even doing anything(more so than before). Thank you for what you said, it means a lot to me everything.. and staying at a crappy job not moving forward is where I am at right now I got nobody I’m too out of it all the time to keep anybody and even so i feel blah constantly I have no emotions just feel constant tension and stress I m glad to hear you’re doing better and I really hope next week goes well and you get the job!

 

[DrewK15]

@Freya I can hear your despair and I’ve been there. It sucks. Welcome to the forums, I glad you found this site! There is so much wisdom here, click around and find stories that sound like yours and do what has worked for others. You can do it. 

The first step is to get your doctor on board with helping you wean off and quit. If you find you don’t have the self control to step down your dose slowly, you may need to stop cold turkey. Good luck, I wish you the best in your quit!

[Freya]

On 8/31/2022 at 10:46 PM, DrewK15 said:

@Freya I can hear your despair and I’ve been there. It sucks. Welcome to the forums, I glad you found this site! There is so much wisdom here, click around and find stories that sound like yours and do what has worked for others. You can do it. 

The first step is to get your doctor on board with helping you wean off and quit. If you find you don’t have the self control to step down your dose slowly, you may need to stop cold turkey. Good luck, I wish you the best in your quit!

It really sucks but I began tapering last week this forum helps a lot. This is the longest I’ve kept with it, today I’m on the lowest mg I’ve been in 5 years and I’m at work right now which is rough I really would like to go home. I’m doing it without a doctor tho I don’t want to go my doctor and regret it and not be able to turn back. Last September my uncle did that with Xanax and when he wanted to back out he couldn’t and he was going through it mentally more than physically and he ended up killing himself. I don’t want to feel stuck like he did and I know if I go to a doctor I’ll feel like that. I know the withdrawal is not anything like benzos or opiates but the mental part is enough for me. Right now I feel so sad but more angry that I allowed myself to get this bad… hoping I don’t give up. thank you  for writing