Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Day 4 adderall free. I Spent the past 3 days completely stoned on weed and eating everything in site. Not a good time. I didn't care during, but i threw out the rest of my weed last night because i have to go back to work soon and i feel so fucking bloated and fat. I am craving an adderall so bad, just to take away the stupid disordered eating, but there's no possible way for me to get any, so that's good-i guess. AH! Still in this brain fog. All i want to do is sleep for a year. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Did you take adderall? NO. Then guess what? YOU WIN! Forget about being on a diet, looking great, having a tidy room, getting shit done, etc etc. Let go of all your expectations of yourself. You are sick and you should focus on getting better. That's all. Now go take a nap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 you got this. it sucks the first hand full of days, then it gets better. your mind fucks with you and the adderall calls, that starts to go away too. just keep trudging thru it no matter how much it sucks, once you're thru it it is a lot better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Did you take adderall? NO. Then guess what? YOU WIN! Forget about being on a diet, looking great, having a tidy room, getting shit done, etc etc. Let go of all your expectations of yourself. You are sick and you should focus on getting better. That's all. Now go take a nap. No, but i would have if i could have so in that logic, i fail. lolI have been having vivid memories of the beginning of my adderall honeymoon all day. The memories are coming back on their own, i haven't thought about these things in a while and i don't want to. All i can seem to think about is the 'good times' and the bad times are really hard for me to remember. I know i don't need to be doing anything but getting better, but feeling fat and lazy makes me feel SO much worse. I went on a 30 min. walk, didn't help. I guess today is just going to be a crappy day xoxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 you got this. it sucks the first hand full of days, then it gets better. your mind fucks with you and the adderall calls, that starts to go away too. just keep trudging thru it no matter how much it sucks, once you're thru it it is a lot better. I just wish this insane desire to be high would go away. I don't expect to me happy or motivated, i just want to NOT want the adderall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 I just wish this insane desire to be high would go away. I don't expect to me happy or motivated, i just want to NOT want the adderall Though you don't expect to feel happy or motivated right now, I'm guessing you are wanting adderall because happiness and motivation is what you would expect it to deliver, no? I wish I could tell you what would take that desire away, but I know the feeling too. All you can maybe do right now is remember that the feeling you want adderall to deliver is NOT gonna happen, even if you did take it... remember? Yeah, maybe you could catch a not-worth-it slight buzz (not even an hour tops, remember?) then it just comes on like a torturous wound-up painful agitation and wishing those horrible feelings would just fuckin' stop!! Remember, how we both said what those awful feelings were like.. and also the disappointment that the "good feeling" was so elusive and short-lived, we just couldn't catch it anymore? I remember when I first posted that 3 weeks ago and you knew exactly what I meant... that the "good high" just couldn't be caught anymore, it just went straight to fucktacular mess. Your lover (the good high) is not there anymore, the honeymoon's over, sweetie.... he's never coming back no matter how hard you chase him. I'm sorry. Just know that you WON'T always feel like this if you just let go of trying to revisit a "place" that no longer exists-- it's just not there anymore, only the bad parts of the adderall ride can ever remain for us. You don't want back on that. Hugs.. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Though you don't expect to feel happy or motivated right now, I'm guessing you are wanting adderall because happiness and motivation is what you would expect it to deliver, no? I wish I could tell you what would take that desire away, but I know the feeling too. All you can maybe do right now is remember that the feeling you want adderall to deliver is NOT gonna happen, even if you did take it... remember? Yeah, maybe you could catch a not-worth-it slight buzz (not even an hour tops, remember?) then it just comes on like a torturous wound-up painful agitation and wishing those horrible feelings would just fuckin' stop!! Remember, how we both said what those awful feelings were like.. and also the disappointment that the "good feeling" was so elusive and short-lived, we just couldn't catch it anymore? I remember when I first posted that 3 weeks ago and you knew exactly what I meant... that the "good high" just couldn't be caught anymore, it just went straight to fucktacular mess. Your lover (the good high) is not there anymore, the honeymoon's over, sweetie.... he's never coming back no matter how hard you chase him. I'm sorry. Just know that you WON'T always feel like this if you just let go of trying to revisit a "place" that no longer exists-- it's just not there anymore, only the bad parts of the adderall ride can ever remain for us. You don't want back on that. Hugs.. This was really eye opening and i want to hug you for reminding me of this!I do remember our exchange a couple of weeks ago. And you are SO right. The honeymoon IS over. It has been over for a LONG time. I know that even if i stopped the drug for a while that i may get one really good addie high type of day, but that of course comes with a price. The price being an insanely bad crash. And then, the next day i would chase the high and it would not be there. I could not have said it better myself. The memories i am envisioning are gone. They were 'great' while they lasted, but like everything in life, all good things must come to an end. And there is no more good left in the adderall. I know this, i just need to remind myself of it every day. xoxox 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Well i got dressed, did some makeup, and brushed my hair all before 3pm lmao It's a start i guess. I also cleaned the kitchen and went to put some gas in my car. Decided whether or not i should bake something. That's what i usually do on my days off. Without the weed i haven't really had a desire to binge. I've eaten a turkey sandwich today and have been drinking lots of water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Well i got dressed, did some makeup, and brushed my hair all before 3pm lmao It's a start i guess. I also cleaned the kitchen and went to put some gas in my car. Decided whether or not i should bake something. That's what i usually do on my days off. Without the weed i haven't really had a desire to binge. I've eaten a turkey sandwich today and have been drinking lots of water. This is something to be proud of. An object in motion stays in motion. Motivation follows action, as they say! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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