[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

Does this work?

[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

Well both. I went on the website and they have pregnancy, weight loss, savings tickers but no drug addiction tickers lol. Which one did you guys use? 

[how did it begin for you?]

Yeah the weight loss is huge for a lot of people-for me it helped fuel my eating disorder. I would take it and not eat the whole day, then I would come off it and binge like crazy. The scary thing is that Vyvanse (which is the drug I was addicted to the longest) is now being used to treat binge eating disorder. That to me is so dangerous and scary.

 

The academic part was also a huge pull for me. I am a perfectionist and felt like I needed to complete everything and do all the readings during grad school and write every single paper perfectly.

[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

Aw, thanks you guys! Yup, I've been clean for four days now-does anyone know how to get those counters up? I don't have a problem staying clean for even a month or two, but then something happens that triggers me, and I know those triggers will be worse come grad school, so I'm planning to come here if anything triggers me.

 

I also want to get a substance abuse therapist once school starts to keep me on track for the first semester at least. And thank you liltex for saying I would be a great therapist, that is so nice 

[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

Thank you grumpycat! That is so nice! Sadly, I don't have too much of a problem flushing the pills (I mean, it is hard, but I can do it)-my problem is being consistent and staying off. But thank you for the support, it means a lot. 

[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

Hi guys, thank you for the support! I just flushed my pills so this is the beginning for me, May 17th. I need to stay strong. 

 

Grumpycat, yes I was clean for two years, but you know, I don't think I realized how addicted I was. Like I cut off contact with my dealer and just figured that would be that and I would never have to worry about it again. It's funny how life messes with you, because I never would have dreamed I would end up reconnecting with one of my childhood friends and then getting a free pass for Addy at the same time. I just never thought an "opportunity" like that would come, you know? I think I was clean for two years b/c even when I wanted to take it I had nowhere to get it from. I never counted on the fact that I would run into a situation where I would be able to get a script so easy. 

 

And knows_better, yes I totally agree. My use may be sporadic now, but I know once I go back to school it will only increase. 

[Starting an MA in clinical psych in the fall and can't be addicted to addy]

So here is my story: 

 

I was 20 years old in college and had a waitressing job. One night I came back to the dorm after work and had a paper to write and felt too tired to do it; I was freaking out. A girl on my floor told me there was something I could take that would help me. She introduced me to her friend who sold me a pill of addy. I was so nervous taking it because I didn't know what it was or what it would do to me. However, once I took it I was able to finish my paper-I stayed up till way late working on it. That was how it all started. For the next year and a half of college, I would buy from this guy whenever I had a paper or test to study for. I didn't think it was a big deal.

 

After college I spent a year in New Orleans waitressing and applying to grad school. During this year I didn't use addy-my roommate had Concerta that I stole from her a handful of times but that was it. Nothing crazy. 

 

I got accepted to a good school for an MA in humanities and social sciences. Before I went back to school, I met up with this guy in my hometown who was friends with my original dealer. He told me he had something call Vyvanse which was like Addrerall. It had been a year since I had had any Adderall but I missed it, so I bought some Vyvanse from him. This was when I truly became addicted.

 

I moved to a new city to start grad school but would go back home to buy Vyanse from this dealer. I took it every day for almost a year, frequently multiple times a day. I was depressed and anxious, but I didn't think this was from the Vyvanse. I was convinced I was depressed from moving to a new city with no friends and the stress from grad school. I really didn't think it had anything to do with the Vyvanse. Then, about halfway through my second semester of grad school I started therapy for an ED. One of my goals in therapy was to stop using Vyvanse. 

 

I was in grad school for two years-during this two years, there was one semester I didn't use. The rest of the time I was using Vyvyanse. By this point I knew I had a problem and that Vyvanse was affecting my emotions and causing my depression. However, by the end of grad school I had decided not to move forward with getting a PhD in that field of study and I took my last Vyvanse in May, before graduation. I cut off contact with my dealer and figured I was done with it. I would still think about taking some if I had something hard to do, but because I had cut off contact with my dealer, I couldn't give into my cravings.

 

Fast forward two years later-I was working in a job I liked and had been clean for two years. I reconnected with an old friend from high school who casually mentioned she worked for a doctor who prescribed addy like it was no big deal. I resisted for two months. Then, when I was in a licensing class that my job was paying for, one of the students was selling Adderall. I bought a pill, and after not having had one for two years, the effect was amazing! I remembered how much I had missed it and got a prescription from my friend's boss.

 

Now it has been a year since I got my first prescription to Adderall. I now have easy access to this drug and it is scary. I can go a couple months without using, but then I will binge for a week. Or I will be slow at work for a couple days and start using again after having been clean for a couple months. After I use, I end up quitting after a week and then not having any for a month or two until it starts again. 

 

The thing that worries me and is pushing me to quit is that I will be starting a grad program in Clinical Psych. It is my second MA degree, and I do not want to go through this program like I did my last one-completely dependent on stimulants and not even able to enjoy what you are learning. i eventually want to become a psychologist and get a PhD-that is so much schooling and time and I cannot be addicted to drugs during this journey. I want to enjoy my job/school because it's something that I love doing and am passionate about, not because I am taking a prescription medication. I am also going into mental health and I cannot be a therapist that is abusing prescription drugs. I start school in 3 and a half months and I know I need to quit before school starts. Right now my use is very sporadic-, but I am worried that once school starts my abuse will be full blown just like last time, since Adderall is the perfect study drug. I do not want my second Masters degree experience to be like my first one. I need to quit.