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ionehitwonderi

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Posts posted by ionehitwonderi

  2. PAWS?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I've been clean off the Addie's for 7 months. I went from 60mg daily, cut down to 30mg, then went cold turkey. I was bedridden for 3 months, then was starting to feel halfway normal at 6 months. About a week ago, I felt as if I fell right into the first stages of withdrawal. I've literally been in bed for 1 week & I've been crazy, anxious, depressed & sleeping for most of the day. Is this what PAWS is?! Fck! Right before I fell into this dark hole, I was doing great. I managed to get myself to hike every other day, eat healthy & sleep for no more than 8 hours a day. I feel like adderall had turned me bipolar.

  3. help, no motivation... zombie.. having bad thoughts

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I went cold turkey off the adderall and I started taking all the recommended supplements, fish oil, b12, l-tyrosine, 5htp, vitamin C, etc... It's been about 3 weeks and I finally got over the hump of sleeping 24/7 in a mild coma... but I still lay in bed 24/7 and I have NO MOTIVATION to do ANYTHING. I dont even have the motivation to shower, brush my teef, etc.... this is getting so bad. I've missed all of my interview appointments (I've been unemployed for the past 3 months trying to get off the adderall). I feel like an ultimate failure, loser, can't do anything right, etc... OMG I Just dont know wat to do. I feeel hopeless and am having horrible horrible spiraling bad thoughts. I am thinking of geting back on the adderall, but tapering off this time... I feel like going cold turkey is hella dangerous for me... because I dont have much of a support system.

  8. Is anyone else angered by what this has done to you?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I feel you girl. I'm a writer/poet/songwriter as well and feel that it has crushed my lifes greatest dreams... It got me spiraling into a dark dark dark.. place. It made me hella creative during the first few months of the honeymoon stage & I felt as if I was superwoman... thinkin that I'd be able to create album after album with ease. Boy was I wrong. I completely relate to you on staring at the computer screen for hours.. OMG... and the fact that my creativity/art was the center of my lifes purpose... it felt like I was in hell. I'm still on it trying to ween off, but I was actually able to access my creativity today for the first time in what seems like ages. So there IS hope!!!

    • Like 1

  9. Glimpse of hope

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I didn't take the adderall on Friday & actually felt good & wasn't coma like & feelin like dying. (I've been taking 30mg daily for the past year, 60mg before that). But saturday it hit me in the face like a huge brick. I ended up taking it and guess what... i felt even MORE like shit. I literally sat on my chair staring at the wall having NO motivation to do anything.. I did that for 4 hours. I felt "STUCK" if that makes sense. Stuck in a horrible horrible chemical induced hell. Yesterday I took 15mg and felt the same shitty stuck nasty feeling. But once it wore off, I started feeling better! And not only that but I was able to feel my creativity come back... the one thing that is worth everything to me! This is what I wrote:

    Dehydrated with a killer migraine.

    Memories engrained I try to kick to the curb.

    Paint my souls portrait into words...I used to do without an effort.

    Till I met Esther the go getter.

    Courtesy of my chemical endeavors.

    Such a careless fool i was at the time.

    But I'm ready to forgive her.

    Paying off the debt I owe.

    Reaping what I sow.

    And I've never felt so low.

    But I've never had such hope either.

    I keep telling myself it's okay.

    Even when I'm not okay.

    I keep telling myself it's okay.

    Knowing it will manifest one day.

    Perception is reality.

    Searched for a remedy in spirituality.

    Transcend this fake illusion.

    Hoping it will shift my current state. Can u relate?

    Transmutate this self hate cuz I'm tired of one too many heartaches...

    knowing now that I did it to myself.

    Love will never come ur way if u dont love yourself.

    And I hate cliche ass quotes, but I awoke to the truth and I finally understand.

    The energy you give will smack you in the face with a backhand.

    Put u in ur place where u belong.

    Leave u stranded in the snow with nothin but a thong on.

    But I keep it moving with style and grace...

    I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I want funnel cake :P

    - "Getting off the Addies" 12/17/2012

    post-1127-0-23984900-1355761705_thumb.jp

  13. I hardly have the energy to type this

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Adderall is the worst shit on the face of this planet. Worse than crack tweek and heroin. I can't believe it's legal, cant believe I was prescribed it & can't believe im addicted to it. It robbed me of so many things. I've aged, it took away a huge chunk of my beauty, I've gained HELLA weight from weening off from 60mg to 30mg last october, lost my sanity couple times, robbed me of my creativity (I am a recording artist), wrinkle formation, breaking out, made me hostile, bipolar tendencies, antisocial (I used to be a social butterfly), back pains, joint pains, wasted this whole year sleeping my life away... etc... I feel like it robbed me of my soul. I think the worst part is that it robbed me of my creativity... & i just got signed to a label.. so i feel like my life is basically over because I cant achieve my dreams. Sorry for being such a drama queen but I havent taken any for 2 days cuz I'm just so disgusted with it... and I hardly have the energy to type this, but I'm forcing myself. I've turned to spirituality.. meditation/yoga & folllowing several spiritual gurus on youtube, cuz thats just how hopeless I feel. I'm wondering if I should go cold turkey or slowly ween off? I've tried going cold turkey numerous times & always end up in a coma for a week... and then I eventually break and relapse cuz I feel suicidal .. my thoughts start to spiral and I think, why live if I'm just gona be a vegetable? Even on 30mg a day, I am barely functional. I can still sleep my life away on 30 mg per day... but most of the time im laying in bed, watching movies and eatng everything in sight. I'm devasted I dont know wat to do alkejrla;ewjf;waejkl;ajwef;qk2. Wonder if I should go on the master cleanse? Or organic juicing cleanse? Will that help? HELP! :C

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