pgriffin4202
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Posts posted by pgriffin4202
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This is an amazing website, I knew there were more like us somewhere. Adderall came close to ending my life. When I started taking Adderall I was a clinical nurse for a pediatric cardiac surgeon and newly divorced single mother working 12 hours a day. It was my way of coping and doing what I needed to do to survive. Unfortunately I had access to a signed prescription pad and to make a long story short I wrote and had filled 197 prescriptions over7 years before being caught. I wrote the last one September 6, 2007 and have been clean ever since. It hasn't been easy. Not staying clean as much as living with the consequences. I was the last person you would think about abusing drugs. High school cheerleader, homecoming court to graduating my university magna cum laude. I worked in Cardiovascular Intensive Care 10 years and then worked for Cardiac Surgeons as their nurse. My son was diagnosed ADD in 1st grade and told me he didn't want to take his Medicine because of the way it made me feel, so I tried it. The 1st one I took made me feel like what I had always thought normal people felt like. I struggled with major depression and anxiety my whole life and it alleviated that with the first dose. Five years later I was taking 180mgs 3-4 times a day. It's been 8 years and even though I was able to have my criminal record exponged and, get my Nursing license back without disciplinary action, I feel as though I threw my life away. I make it day to day in a very mundane office job that thank God it gave me the chance to work again and meet the requirements of the board of nursing, I am so bored. When I was able to seek employment again without restrictions and a clean criminal record, my history was always retrievable some where on the Internet and kept me from getting another job. I am thankful for having another chance at life but I can't help but feel I deserve whatever bad comes my way.
Regrets and shame serve no purpose, but for me they are always there no matter how much therapy I have. Fortunately I have made the most genuine friends I have ever had that have also struggled with addictions. For me they are my lifeline. Even though I still struggle with depression, I am present for my family and have been there in times of crisis which I never could never do during my later years on adderall. I do the best I can to stay grateful and work with other nurses going through what I have been through. If I can keep one person from experiencing what happened to me, it was all worth it.
- 4
Clean for 9 years
in Tell your story
Posted
This is an amazing website, I knew there were more like us somewhere. Adderall came close to
ending my life. When I started taking Adderall I was a clinical nurse for a pediatric cardiac
surgeon and newly divorced single mother working 12 hours a day. It was my way of coping
and doing what I needed to do to survive. Unfortunately I had access to a signed prescription
pad and to make a long story short I wrote and had filled 197 prescriptions over7 years before
being caught. I wrote the last one September 6, 2007 and have been clean ever since. It hasn't
been easy. Not staying clean as much as living with the consequences. I was the last person
you would think about abusing drugs. High school cheerleader, homecoming court to
graduating my university magna cum laude. I worked in Cardiovascular Intensive Care 10 years
and then worked for Cardiac Surgeons as their nurse. My son was diagnosed ADD in 1st grade
and told me he didn't want to take his Medicine that I tried it for the first time. I wanted to know
what it was he didn't like. The 1st one I took made me feel like what I had always thought
normal people felt like. I struggled with major depression and anxiety my whole life and it
alleviated that with the first dose. Five years later I was taking 180mgs 3-4 times a day. It's
been 8 years and even though I was able to have my criminal record expunged and, get my
Nursing license back without disciplinary action, I feel as though I threw my life away. I make it
day to day in a very mundane office job that thank God gave me the chance to work again and
meet the requirements of the board of nursing, I am board to tears. When I was able to seek
employment again without restrictions and a clean criminal record, my history was always
retrievable some where on the Internet and kept me from getting another job. I am thankful
for having another chance at life, I can't help but feel I deserve what ever comes my way.
Regrets and shame serve no purpose, but for me they are always there no matter how much
therapy I have.