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ConstantAwareness

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Posts posted by ConstantAwareness

  1. I relapsed. Been using adderall once or twice a week for the past 6 weeks.

    And here I am in the same spot. About a week clean of the stuff, arguing back and forth in my head if I should continue to use occasionally because I haven't had any real problems. It isn't destroying my life. And I like the stuff. It's just

    Consuming my thoughts debating back and forth. I'm sick of living this way

  2. Already twice I've turned it down...once by a person I just met before going to a club and another was a friend. I told both no and explained my new choice to my friend...was and still is extremely tempting..I'm hungover and I really wanted to say yes but didn't. So that's good. The lingering craving is annoying though.

    Trying to focus on some of my worst nights/experiences with adderall as motivation

  3. I can rate in many ways to your experience, at this moment I feel like I have "beat the addiction." And that now it might be safe to try occasional use. That is definitely romanticizing. My only difference is that I cannot just cut it off. I have to find a way to resist on my own. Because honestly, I just know way too many people and friends over the years who I could ask. If I want to find I will find a way...have to just keep telling myself that one will lead to many . Even if it's down the road

  4. Hello, this is my first post but I have visited occasionally and read over the past few years

    Just as a background :

    I've been out of college for about a year

    I started using adderall from friends to study in my second year and it evolved to recreational binge usage . Upwards of 150mg on some days

    I have quit for months at a time over the past few years but always end up going back to some level of occasional use

    Sometimes only once a month, sometimes a binge every weekend for a month

    Never daily

    Adderall has caused me many problems and been my only focus for various short periods, it has lead to stress in relationships, negatively effected work performance , and lead to aggressive behavior.

    I have been totally clean for 2 months , but a majority of that time adderall was unavailable.

    It is now available if I ask a friend

    I am so afraid that I will soon be able to rationalize to myself that taking one to get something done (or much more likely recreationally) will be fine. I know that it will lead to more.

    I just love how I feel now and I think, well imagine how great you would feel if you took one. I know that how well things are going for me is a result

    Of my abstinence .

    WHAT METHODS DO YOU RECCOMEND TO STAY AWARE AND VIGILANT?

    It is so hard to remember the bad times to motivate myself .I want this time to be for good. I need long lasting techniques

    Thank you so much. I have done much research over the years but maybe this forum can help me stay on my current track

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