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EstherEmily

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Posts posted by EstherEmily

  1. I'm also six months clean.

    I can't imagine how hard a breakup would be right now, so my thoughts and prayers are with you!

    I stopped when I became pregnant, so I, too, have fears of relapsing once the baby is here. I told my husband of he ever finds out I'm taking Adderall again to make me choose between rehab or him and our daughter. I'm trying to make sure I'll be strong enough to never touch this crap again!

    • Like 1
  2. My anxiety has been so much worse since I quit. I've always had general anxiety and panic disorder, but all of my symptoms have worsened.

    What has helped me is going to church, but I understand if that's not your thing. And even with God's help I still struggle... I take some Benadryl when it's really bad, especially to fall asleep some nights.

  3. They say you have to hit rock bottom to quit, but that's not always the case. I was actually taking less than I had in the past couple of years when I found out I was pregnant and quit. I went from 70 mgs in 2014 (yes, my doc actually prescribed such a dose) to 40 mgs in 2015. Two months before I quit I had switched to 70 mgs of Vyvanse, which is equal to about 30 mg of Adderall. I was improving, but still abusing... Taking two on some days when I had a big project at work and such. I was planning to quit after my wedding, but I got pregnant five months before I was to walk down the isle. It was the best accident ever! :)

  4. I caved and got put on Zoloft after making it about three and a half months clean.

    I've been on them all, and Zoloft was chosen because it's the best one when you're pregnant.

    I was really hoping it would make my panic and depressing thoughts subside, and I guess it did to an extent, but I just couldn't handle the way it made me feel. I felt like a zombie, unable to feel neither great happiness or great sadness.

    But sometimes antidepressants do help, and each one is different for each person.

    In the past, Lexapro always worked best, though I had major weight gain with it.

    Good luck. Keep us posted.

  5. I quit cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant, and I'll be honest - I had it much easier than you guys. I had no choice but to quit. The moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, a euphoric feeling came over me. I was going to be a mom! The choice to quit and stay sober has been easy.

  6. I just hit my six month mark a few days ago. I'm happy to hear it will only get better from here!

    The hardest part - as silly as this sounds - is missing the fun I had on Adderall. Staying up all night, chain smoking and playing computer games. That sounds so awful right now - but on Adderall it was pure euphoric bliss.

    Boredom has been harder to deal with than anything else.

    • Like 2
  7. Congrats elaina. Was it hard to quit once you found out you were preggers? Or did it take you awhile to quit?

    It wasn't really hard to quit - I knew I had to. I flushed my pills the moment I found out, although I'll admit - I was down to my last two anyway. But I have been clean since. Emotionally it's been rough - I miss all of the good times I had on it. I definitely don't miss the fast, pounding heartbeat, though! :)

  8. Five months clean. It feels pretty good. The cravings have went down, slowly but surely, these last couple months. After month three things seemed to get a little easier.

    I still tend to dream about Adderall, almost nightly. It's something I haven't been able to escape completely, but I knew this wouldn't be easy. I also am a bit of an "emotional cutter" - I'll find myself looking at photos on FB of when I was out tweaking with my friends, and I really miss it. My friends and I all had scripts and such, and these girls are still good friends of mine, but I've cut contact a lot. They know I'm done with it, and it's something we don't discuss. I refuse to be around it.

    Though it's been easier for me than most, since I quit when I found out I was pregnant. So relapse is not an option, and for that I am grateful.

    So, I just wanted to check in. Although I'm still struggling, it's definitely not as bad as it was.

    Every day it gets easier, and that's something I can smile about.

    • Like 4
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