[A straight up miracle]

Yeah it's hard when being on stims is all you know, I started Ritalin at the age of 7, then moved to adderall ages 14-24 so I can definitely relate. My biggest take away was the understanding that behavior is guided by our beliefs which is just a product of our conscious stream of thoughts. By becoming aware of the nature of this mental chatter, in my case, it's lost a lot of its power over how I feel and act

[A straight up miracle]

Yesterday something happened that I wanted to share with someone because it has been what I would consider a "real life miracle".

For longer than I can remember I struggled with using drugs and alcohol. I was prescribed adderall for ADHD and turned to abusing it in response to academic, career, and general life related stress. I used alcohol to cope with social anxiety and loneliness. My using eventually became a huge source of grief, anxiety and depression in my life, but I could never overcome it because of a set of limiting beliefs I had.

"I need adderall to manage my ADHD"

"I can't have fun without alcohol"

"I can't be successful without pills"

"I can't be happy without drugs and alcohol"

But yesterday, I started reading a book called "Self Discipline in 10 Days". What it really is about is how to illicit a change within yourself. It talks about how a certain part of you does not want to change and will deploy certain tactics to prevent this change in the form of negative self talk. No bs, its basic psychology that your brain uses thoughts/mental chatter to form beliefs and will subconsciously act out in ways that align your set of beliefs with reality. And that's when it clicked you guys.

I am not my thoughts. The limiting beliefs are merely lies and defense mechanisms my brain used to keep me on drugs and alcohol. It's so freeing to detach from the negative self talk that kept me a slave to using for so long and I now feel a sense of joy that I haven't experienced in years. It's like I have reached a higher state of consciousness. If you are looking to change your life I cannot recommend the book enough, it's actually free online. You must print it out, do the written exercises and commit fully though.

https://dreffat.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/self-discipline-in-10-days-how-to-go-from-thinking-to-doing.pdf

Anyways, I wanted to share this with you guys because I thought it might help any one who struggles with the same destructive thought patterns that prevented me from quitting.

[Will the drive ever come back?]

Thanks so much, ya'll are pretty awesome for the responses and encouragement. I feel like the pills are turning me into a fairly weird person for my coworkers to be around. I can barely even use them to be productive at my job at this point. The amount it takes to get me actually working nowadays makes me look wasted and then obsess over non-important things. Like reformatting my excel spreadsheets, or creating an elaborate way to organize my files into folders.

 

I talked to my therapist (lol yes I see a shrink because I've become a total lunatic) and I told her that I am going to give the sober life another shot over Christmas break when I'll have some time to be a lazy turd and do nothing/eat everything.

 

Also Frank/bluemoon - can definitely relate to the making crazy financial/life decisions on adderall. I once almost took out loans for grad school on a whim and got so close to where I actually flew out to orientation and was enrolled before I realized I had given it zero thought. Glad I was able to back out on that one. Can't say I completely regret any of the buy now, ask questions later plane tickets though...

 

Thanks again guys, I almost feel cheesy saying it but you guys really are an inspiration to someone who wants to be free from the pills.

[Will the drive ever come back?]

Hey guys,

 

So I have been lurking around here on the forums for about two years now. Long story short, I was prescribed stimulant medication for ADHD starting at about the age of 8. Ritalin I think. Then Concerta till I turned 15. Then Adderall XR 40 mg daily. When I turned 20 I was prescribed an additional 20mg IR to take in the afternoons, so now I am up to 60 mg daily and I am 24 now. Almost 25. My addiction is completely out of control and I don't know who to turn to.

 

I tried getting off of this stuff once earlier this year, but after 120 days I could no longer bear waking up day in and day out and wanting nothing but food bed and TV. I had no interest in seeing friends, advancing my career or finding a girlfriend and I wanted the old me back. Or at least what was left of him. So I told myself I would start taking it again, but only as prescribed, never abusing it. Fast forward 3.5 months later to today and I am probably worse than before. No, certainly worse off. Binges last longer, doses are higher, pills run out earlier.

 

When I was off them before, I just remember not caring at work, never wanting to play my guitar (something I once loved) and having no interest in socializing. Feeling depressed and constantly uncomfortable in my own skin even around my family who I know loves me. Its almost harder to try at this again now that I know the way it feels to be off of them. I am, what would be classically referred to as, hopelessly addicted at this point. Damned if I do damned if I don't.

 

So my question is, to those who have some legit time off of this stuff, does it get better?