[The +2 Year Mark =,]

On 2/8/2017 at 8:39 PM, duffman said:

Hey Frank!

I really appreciate you writing this because I too think there tends to be an excessive amount of "It will get better" and "stay positive!"s going around on many posts. This in itself isn't really a bad thing however it tends to make people who need to let their frustrations out and to expose their pain and suffering have a more difficult time having a voice in the conversation. No one wants to seem like a downer in all this, but in reality we all feel like you do in this post at times. We all want each other to succeed in this shit-venture, and to do that, we need space to voice both the positives AND negatives of our experience. I know I'm guilty of this at times. I log on with the intent of expressing my frustrations in order to deliver a message of 'Yeah, you're not alone in your suffering', only to see a lot of positivity and I don't want to be the cause of bringing people down when they're already going through so much shit. So again Frank, thank you.

You and I are in a unique position (or at least I think we are), because we quit multiple medications at once. I quit antidepressants, benzodiazepines, amphetamines (Adderall), and phenibut all within the past 2 years. I have no doubt Adderall has been a major contributor (likely the biggest contributor), however I can't say how much the other medications are contributing in all this. For example, I still can't sleep and it's driving me insane. I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing works. I still feel like I could pass out mid morning -> late afternoon, yet am annoyingly awake at 11PM. Last night, I took a small dose of leftover benzo in order to fall asleep. I relapsed on benzos, and I can't say I regret it because I felt pretty good today. I'm pretty sure I can control this because I originally needed the benzo to help ease my Adderall crash, so I'm hoping I don't become dependent on this shit. There's a phenomenon called "PAWS", standing for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. This phenomenon very possibly true for Adderall, but is most definitely and verifiably true with opioids (pain meds). Keep in mind you might be experiencing PAWS from your pain medication use. The shitty thing about PAWS is it can last several years (~2 years, but I've read stories where it has lasted for 5!). I'm not sure if that's an encouraging thing to hear, but it may provide insight as to why you're feeling the way you are feeling. 

Nothing wrong with using benzodiazepines.

I'm only a month free from Adderall. I promised to myself to never go back to it. Now i use other prescribed drugs such as (lyrica, benzos,etc)  and supplements (caffeine).

anything other than addy is good in my opinion. Do Whatever gets you through the day without going back to it.

 

[The +2 Year Mark =,]

On 2/5/2017 at 11:02 AM, duffman said:

 

 

Thank you. Your post gives me hope. 

[The +2 Year Mark No]

8 hours ago, Zerokewl said:

close to 4 years later I am very aware of depression, what causes it and how to deal with depressive episodes. When I look back on my usage of Adderall I really did use it to cope with depression. I really did feel like it solved my depression issues early in my usage.   When I quit I experienced a prolonged and extreme depression.  I eventually emerged. Ultimately some tasks like taxes, work email  are just painful without adderall... you just learn to plow through them.   This takes time and practice.  Motivation is a question of passion for me.  I need to love a task to be motivated.  Not every task is loveable tho so you just get through it. 

The depression you feel after aderall is your brain in shock as it returns to reality. You go from 100mph to 30 mph. The biggest reason why we feel depression is because when you have experienced the amazing things a pill can do , it is very difficult to go back to normalcy. To us normal isn't even normal, its depressing.

 

I still can't believe that some of people at the 2,3, 4+ year mark are struggling. Something tells me this will be a lifelong struggle. 

[The +2 Year Mark =,]

I've been browsing through the forums and noticed those that have been adderall free for 2,3 and even 4 yrs still experience lack of motivation.

 

That is because they go back to being their pre adderall self. I remember I had very little motivation and was depressed before I took the pill. You will never truly be magically 'motivated' as your adderall self.

This is where people make the mistake of believing they are still in withdrawal. They are back to base self and life will have ups and down.

They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not really relief from withdrawal symptom. 

I'm 1 month free (used for 3 yrs) and I already feel like to base line. The way I used to be before adderall. I honestly don't think I will have much improvement in the future. 

[The +2 Year Mark No]

I've been browsing through the forums and noticed those that have been adderall free for 2,3 and even 4 yrs still experience lack of motivation.

 

That is because they go back to being their pre adderall self. I remember I had very little motivation and was depressed before I took the pill. You will never truly be magically 'motivated' as your adderall self.

This is where people make the mistake of believing they are still in withdrawal. They are back to base self and life will have ups and down.

They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not relief from withdrawal symptom.

I'm 1 month free (used for 3 yrs) and I already feel like to base line. The way I used to be before adderall. I honestly don't think I will have much improvement in the future. 

[The +2 Year Mark No]

I've been browsing through the forums and noticed those that have been adderall free for 2,3 and even 4 yrs still experience lack of motivation.

 

That is because they go back to being their pre adderall self. I remember I had very little motivation and was depressed before I took the pill. You will never truly be magically 'motivated' as your adderall self.

This is where people make the mistake of believing they are still in withdrawal. They are back to base self and life will have ups and down.

They become more active and productive few months later because they were forced to function without adderall. Those tasks eventually become a habit. This is a result of training the brain, not relief from withdrawal symptom.

I'm 1 month free (used for 3 yrs) and I already feel like to base line. The way I used to be before adderall. I honestly don't think I will have much improvement in the future. 

[Holy Shit! 9 Months!]

Job is not important. Quitting adderall is! I wouldn't have quit addy while working, fuck that! 

[I Quit My Job]

On 1/29/2017 at 4:07 PM, hyper_critical said:

It gets SO much better. No bullshit. 

There have been several stops along the way where I felt hopeless. Just beyond those points, incredible growth was waiting. 

The first year sucks. No getting around that. The second year sucks less. And so on. It's a process. I'm coming up on four years completely clean and sober, and am loving life, including my job. 

Keep after it, one day at a time. 

 

I don't like to work without adderall. I am on welfare now till my motivation improves

[Frustrated at lack of productivity]

On 1/31/2017 at 10:20 PM, Danquit said:

Normal people don't get super excited about cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. They just do it because they have to

That really sucks and is depressing... 

[I Quit My Job]

11 hours ago, quit-once said:

If taking Adderall is that glamorous to you, why did you quit? 

 

Obviously, I wouldn't have quit adderall if it was so 'glamorous' to me, I would still be taking it.

 

I quit for the same reason you did

Being adderall free is better than adderall but I have to deal with doing things that used to be fun on addy, but no longer fun anymore like work, cleaning, errands, etc

Hoping someone can relate to my post

[I Quit My Job]

Without Adderall, I don't want to work. So I Quit.

 

My current routine is wake up after a good night's rest. 

Take Kratom and go for a walk. I walk till I'm tired then go home. 

 

After walking for 1 and half hour I feel better. I am in the mood to do things. Lets say half hour to get ready and another half for commute. Total of 2 and half hours.

 

If I had a job, that mean I will have to wake up two and half hours early in the morning to get in the mood to go to work 

I don't know if I will be handle a job and do what they expect of me. I can't focus or remember the things I did on adderall. I cannot articulate. I have a hard time making decisions. I am crap

[Embarassing Job Interviews On Adderall]

I started to adderall in the summer of 2013. At first, it was incredible and I could do anything. After several weeks of daily use, the magical effects went away and I became a cracked out maniac.  

 

I spent most of 2013-2014 applying for jobs. During interviews , I would just ramble like an idiot and make no sense. Sometimes they would ask me a question and my answer would be completely unrelated (like a story about my ex). They would have a "what the fuck?" expression on their face. They probably thought I was mentally challenged. 

 

Whenever an interview would go well, I would find a way to bomb it due to paranoia. I was insane. I still kept taking adderall despite all this. 

 

I became increasingly paranoid and crazy. One time I told the interviewer that she was terrible and asked too many questions. I became increasingly pessimistic due to my failures and would tell interviewers to go screw themselves. 

 

Adderall made me sensitive to any criticism and I would take everything seriously to the point it became personal. I have burned so many bridges and ruined my relationships with people.

 

I broke a roommates door down and smashed their windows because they left it open during the cold weather. Quite the genius huh?

I bullied co workers till they quit. Then got myself fired after my boss made a comment about my poor judgement. My mentality was "oh you wanna see poor judgement motherfucker? I will show you poor judgement!" I was extremely hostile to other people for no reason at all. 

I am one month adderall free and can't believe some of the things I have done on it. Things that are completely embarrassing. 

 

What are some of the insane things you have done on Adderall? 

 

 

[1 Month: No Motivation]

Ever since I quit Adderall 1 month ago, I just surf the net and have no motivation to do anything.

 

When I wake up in the morning, I turn the alarm off and just go back to sleep. I used to take adderall solely to get out of bed, because I have no ambitions or desire to do anything with my life. 

I guess I am just waiting for motivation to magically appear one day. It sucks but I am never going to touch adderall again. 

 

[i might go back on this shit]

I'm back on the shit. I will never get better without it. I was always u motivated before adderall

[No Desire To Work]

I have a hard time accepting that life sucks. I live at home and see my parents work 60+ hours a week just to enjoy weekends.

Is this what life is about? I used to have a part time job, I loved it. I didn't love it because the job was fun. I loved it because I used adderall to work and it made me enjoy it. Ever since I stopped the adderall and entered sobriety, I dont even want to look for work.

How do people do it? Do you guys force yourself to get up in the morning? Do you work due to the fear of consequences if you stopped working? At one time I used to be like that, forced myself to go, great pay, but ended up horribly depressed after doing the same shit for a year.

Life sucks, we slave ourselves through most of it and then die? This is it?

I do not have interest in anything. Never had. I racked up loan after loan to live life on my terms. Maybe I was never cut out for this world.