HairsprayQueen
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Posts posted by HairsprayQueen
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34 minutes ago, sweetupbaaby said:
Also...I was NOT prepared for all of the shit that happened on Adderall to resurface and to be dealt with in a sober state of mind. I am starting to realize I suppressed A LOT of stuff I didn't want to deal with by popping more pills. Fooling myself thinking I could numb that pain away forever. Haha. What a sad mistake....dealing with all these past issues in my sober, vulnerable state is exhausting!! By the way, I have some pretty crazy intense dreams at night, every night! I wake up so tired from the mental energy consumed by my dreams and nightmares.
Yes! This is exactly how I feel too...every single unresolved issue that I’ve pushed away. It is so exhausting.
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I’m trying to quit after a particularly bad relapse and binge. Today, my brain chained me to the couch in that weird state of sleep that comes during the “acute phase” of withdrawal. During those hours, my brain drug me through every sad thought and fucked up past rejection and regret it could imagine. My brain gave me ideas to message exes, even suggestions for what to say. Thank God I didn’t follow through on any of this, but now that I’m awake, I feel like I’ve been through war.
I checked Facebook in an attempt to fill my thoughts with other people’s problems, only to learn that one of my first patients passed away this morning. All I want to do is sit in my bathtub and cry.
Can anyone relate?
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I’m always here to talk. I’ll try to do a better job of checking messages on here.
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Anyone have any strategies for how to cope with extreme irritability during the first month of quitting? Maybe it lasts longer than a month, I don’t really know because I haven’t managed to make it past that point...yet.
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5 hours ago, eric said:
Congrats on the month clean! I was slightly confused by part of your post when you said “score more speed”, are you getting back on your script or was that a typo?
Thanks for the congrats, but unfortunately I did get back on my script. I feel like I learned quite a bit about myself during the past month though. If I can establish some productive habits (like following a schedule), my next attempt at quitting might be more successful
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After 7 years of Adderall I managed to survive for one month without it. I slept until I couldn't and I've eaten everything in sight. I gained 15 lbs. My clothes no longer fit and I can't stand to look in the mirror. I lose everything I touch. My working memory doesn't exist and I feel selfish for all the failure that has come as a result.
Right now, I'm waiting to be called back so I can confess my failure to my GP (whom I highly respect) and score more speed. Spilling all these words onto the forum is making me feel less wretched, so thank you for that opportunity.
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That’s awesome!!
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6 hours ago, idkanymore said:
YOU CAN DO THIS! I understand feeling like you need it to be a good worker. That is false, that is our addiction talking. You are a productive, hard worker without taking adderall. You can do this!
Thank you so much for these words! I survived! It wasn’t one bit of fun, but I made it!
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I’ve been off adderall for 3 weeks now and was fortunate to be able to take off work. Today is my first day back and I’m SO anxious. I want so badly to call my doctor, schedule an appointment, and refill my prescription. Any words of advice and/or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!
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On 5/19/2019 at 10:45 PM, SeanW said:
Just got to pay the piper man. It’s going to be rough for a little while but to resume the speed is just prolonging and also extending the period of lows you’re going to have to inevitably face. Just ride it out man. Do what you can. We a lot of times feel so down and drained but if someone had a gun to your head or you were running from a pack of lions ready to eat you a live you’d find some pretty profound energy and motivation. What I’m saying is it’s not like we’re incapable or it’s impossible it’s just hard. Real hard. But we have to fight through it, be strong, be a fucking beast and own this shit. You’re not the first or last to be in that position and many people have bodied that shit, fought through, and made it so you can too.
Good luck man, and much love.
Cameron
You’re so right. I might actually get off the couch and do a chore or two this morning. Thanks for the motivation!!
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I’ve searched and haven’t found any :/
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We have quite a bit in common! I'm 32, single, and NEED to quit. My useage started getting out of control in grad school and it's still out of control now that I'm working. Be careful with Wellbutrin. I tried it and it made things worse for me. If you want a friend to check in with, feel free to message me and I'll give you my contact info ❤️
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1 hour ago, iwish said:
I have only recently begun to consider quitting but one of the things that keeps me going is the realization that it takes a lot to be fired from a job. I am terrified of my career going down hill and me losing my job because I am not performing in the same way as I was on adderall...but the reality is that most places aren't going to be able to fire you for being less productive than you were when you were hired.
That's a really good point. I imagine I could even fake some sort of event to give me an excuse for slacking. I wish we weren't in this situation, but it's really helpful to know I'm not alone. It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who takes stupid amounts and cant, under any circumstances, completely fall apart. Maybe if we keep in contact, even if just to complain, we'll have better luck.
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This is me, almost identically. I finished a master's program recently and I'm stuck in the same cycle. I'm just now realized how out of control it is. I can't just quit, my career doesn't allow for that kind of crash. As I get down to the final 3.5 pills I come back to this site...so predictable. I'm afraid.
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On 9/30/2016 at 3:25 PM, Tom23Jones said:
I also have this screwed up way of thinking that 90% of successful people use adderall, which leaves me feeling like I'll never be highly successful without the drug.
Yes! I have those exact same thoughts. Anytime a task requires much thought and/or effort I crave it and doubt that I'll ever be able to do it. I see people who are very productive and efficient and I'm convinced they must be on it...it's like I've completely lost faith in human willpower.
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On 12/23/2016 at 2:13 AM, Emmilita said:
everything is a task to be completed not enjoyed
Yes!!! I feel the same way. Every single thing I do is a task to get through and when I'm doing one task, I'm thinking bout other things I could/should be doing instead. I'm finally getting serious about quitting...I hope.
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You are not alone. I definitely have similar problems, especially the lack of self-respect.
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Long story short, I'm in a situation similar to your's. I'm just now reaching the point where I'm can acknowledge the effects of Adderall on my personality and identify that bad feeling that surrounds quitting as fear. I started kind of setting up my environment for when I'm going to HAVE to break out my chameleon skills and blend in with daily life enough to pass for 'normal.' I would love to have a support type group. As much as I avoid human interaction now, knowing that I'm not the only person to feel this way keeps me hopeful.
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Why, exactly, does tapering "not work"?
in General Discussion
Posted
I’m interested to hear what others have to say, because tapering is not a thing I’ve ever been able to do. Every month, I end up running out with at least a week left before my next refill and every month I tell myself that I’m going to taper next time. I never do.