Groundhogdaze
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Posts posted by Groundhogdaze
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I don't know what is going on with me at this point. I’ve been off Adderall for approximately three months with the first two weeks being the worst. I am having anxiety on a daily basis. Of course my thoughts are to take a pill but I’m not going to throw away three months just to experiment. I have also taken benzos forever along with Adderall but didn't expect to need them when i quit adderall . Does anybody else experience anxiety after quitting adderall?
Thanks for being here. This is the only place I trust that I will read actual experience of Adderall users..
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Have you been able to relearn how to work without use of this drug? Did you have Depression? Lack of motivation? anxiety? insomnia? I have all these and wonder if it will get better. I've been adderall free since january 19 2024. today is march 15 2024.
Thanks,
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Hi anyone here.
It is March 15 2024 now, I quit January 19th. I have all those symptoms you described above. The weirdest thing is that I expected to be sleeping like a baby and tired and lethargic but i have non stop anxiety and can't sit still and cannot sleep without sleep aids, in my case, clonopan and gabapentin. So now I am going to have to go through literal hell to get off those demonic drugs. I would say I am mostly dysfunctional. I wasn't very functional before which is why I finally decided to quit for good. Adderall made me feel hopeful that I could be ok but I never actually read more, never did well at my social work job (documenting for hours and retyping sentences well into the night).
Maybe this gets better later maybe not but I need some help, mostly getting shit done.
Did NA have ideas for this? Thanks
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Good for you 10 weeks!
I'm having trouble today. Craving sugar lately and body discomfort. It's 16 days fore, I think. I have tapered for past 8 years off and on, since I've tried to kick this over and over.
This is the best I've done outside of when I went to treatment.
I'm just ha.gimg on. I feel better though in some ways.
Hands and feet not cold. Back doesn't hurt as much. Less depressed some days. Actually more productive if that is possi Le. Adderall stoped working for me these past 5 + years or more.
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Existential despair is torture. That's getting better these past two days. I'm on day 14. I figured out I am likely not sleeping well because I've quit clonopin after years of taking it to help with sleep while on Adderall. I got it down to very low dose but this could be cause of restlessness. I also increased ,dose of antidepressant snri which makes me feel restless and want to move my legs.
Thanks for your reply.
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Thank you for the encouragement. I am still off it. Lost track of the days already. I've also been taking clonopin for sleep all these years. I'm mostly off that and doc has me taking gabapentin. I want to get off everything now and clean up my health. I think those first 3 days were the worst. I have always gone back on after 2 days. I can't believe this drug is even prescribed except thats the pharma industries job. Thanks again.
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I agree on connection but the family of the addict probably caused their inability to connect. I had one after the other, incidents and trauma that left me alone without help. 12 step Programs connect addicts to other addicts with no agenda but to help each other. I agree jail is not the place for addicts though.
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RosaRita are you quitting Adderall? I have been on it for 24 years. I tried quitting and never got past six months over those years. Today is day six and I feel awful. I did not sleep last night. It is now 8 AM and I’m just gonna be on the sofa today. Maybe I’ll get out and take a short walk. I asked myself if it’s worth quitting at my age since I’ve been on it so long and I am now 67. I also have extremely dry eyes and have been looking at various glasses that seal them up so when I go outside, they don’t water so much. i’ve been weaning for a long time. When the dose was higher I used to chew my teeth and my tongue and have lost two teeth. It is supposed to be very bad for your bone health and I have osteoporosis. I can’t look back on the years of using the stuff, but I don’t know how I’m gonna do this, I’ve gone on and off so many times and every time I go off I tell my kids and then I go back on and it’s not good for them to hear about this. how are you doing now? I know this thread started along time ago.
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That sounds like a helpful plan. Were your parents the ones who encouraged you to start this drug?. Did you have trouble sleeping or with your sleep schedule when you first quit? I expected to be able to sleep better when I quit but last night I barely slept at all.
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No not cold turkey. Ive been weaning off and on for years. Several times i got to 3 days and went back on it. I will try to pick up that amino acid amd will eat more protein. Thank you. Wish there was a 12 step group or something for this.
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I totally relate to this thread, to both of you. I started taking when my kids were young and got addicted to it and I have been on it for 24 years and it’s pretty much destroyed my life. I used to get chills when I heard music and I used to be creative and I had a personality, and now I feel like I have to force everything and nothing is very moving to me. I am on day four after trying to wean off this and get off it for good, really over the past few years. I even managed to get off for about I don’t know maybe six months After going to treatment in 2013 but thinking I do better on it, i made an appointment got back on and then cranked it back up again and was eventually hooked again. It’s very depressing but I am on day four and I am wondering if I might need a 12 Step program. I just wish there was one for Adderall, because this is kind of a unique drug. I keep reading and hearing about people who never do get off, but I wonder what happens as they get really old this is not sustainable.
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Good for you quitting! I agree it should not be given especially to kids. I think we need a support group for this drug. Its a horrible scam that made a lot of people rich. Like the opioid epidemic. Hang in there. I’m only on day 4 and i can’t move. Took it for 24 years.
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I feel for you. I lost my marriage and hurt my kids but didn’t attribute it to adderall until later. It gets harder and harder to quit over time. Don't let the fond memory of euphoria fool you and trick you like it did me. Over time there is no euphoria just an insane urge and craving to use it. Read Dopamine Nation or read about adderall effect on dopamine neurotransmitters. They get pruned and we eventually do not feel pleasure at pleasurable or awe inspiring situations. Go to a12 step program like NA or AA or CA. Its close enough i believe. Im on day 4 for the 20th time trying to quit for good. I’ve been weaning down for 10 years. I can never stay off. You have a good chance. This is hell knowing i may never get back my natural joy. Don’t let it happen to you. . I have been on it and/or abusing it since 1999.
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I think NA is probably as close as we can get. There are so few pills anonymous meetings, I didn't find it helpful. The desperation I feel can only be helped with a meeting every hour. I found that the first few weeks it was a godsend but I feel bad i didn't stay. I may go to some open meetings and be straight forward with my dilemma. I need help and thats about it for us; and this forum.
Thanks!
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Hi Hopefully,
I know what you are going through. I am on day 34. I use the AA app to keep track.
I have been on this forum previously, about three times, with that same scrounging around, mad I tossed it out; emptying purses, drawers, you name it to find those tiny fragments to use. I always ended up frantically making an appointment and getting more from my "dealer". My doctor prescribed adderall 23 years ago. I've had twenty three years of this roller coaster and my heart is now damaged. My echocardiogram result was the final straw to get me to go through withdrawal.
Now I have new medical results that are making me even more upset. Adderall can lead to osteoporosis. I have it; though not 100% from adderall, I shouldn't have severe osteoporosis yet. My endocrinologist told me adderall causes this as well. I have to go on a painful infusion to prevent fractures, and I am/was an active cyclist/mountain biker/skiier/walker and yet have no stamina, I'm short of breath, and fragile. My teeth are shot. If you are young, I hope this information helps you to stay off and keep or regain your health. Once you are past a certain age, the heart muscle doesn't get much better. Our bones are always losing mass from age 30 and older so we don't need adderall to make things worse. I'm in almost constant pain and almost always exhausted. Normal weight and good diet. Heart rate always at least 90. So...yeah. not happy.
Even with all that bad news, I can only take it one day at a time. At ten days I didn't think I could make it another hour let alone another day. I actually went to NA when I had severe cravings. It's getting better but still comes up strongly. NA helped me because I knew I wasn't alone with the damage I 've done to myself. They teach you how to live life on life's terms and now my terms are kind of sucky.
I hope you get strength from your husband and friends and wherever you need it. If you have to go to a 12 step program or a residential program, I'd recommend it. This drug is not worth the damage it does. Sometimes we can't do this alone. I wish I had reached out for help before I had done this much damage.
Driving? Really struggling there. I rent; i don't own. when I drive, I do listen to podcasts but I was so spaced out I almost ran a few lights and my friend in the car caught it.
Stay current here. I'd hope you can look ahead to better days. I'll get that book later but right now it is too much.
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@realtor
Hi,
I hear you. That sounds really hard. I just want to share my experience. I have ADHD. This addiction has ruined my health which was about all I have. My teeth are rotting from grinding and dry mouth. My life was out of control because I signed up for a life I can't manage without Adderall and other drugs. I couldn't sleep and ended up eventually taking Xanax to cope with adderall insomnia. Benzodiazepines are associated with dementia and Alzheimer's. My marriage fell apart because I thought I could handle leaving. I have an especially bad case but you get the idea. And three weeks ago, because I am experiencing shortness of breath, i had a echocardiogram and my once good heart health is compromised. Something is going on; not with cholesterol and that type of thing but a weak muscle that isn't pumping efficiently so I am short of oxygen when I do cardio workouts. I am done with Adderall even if I can't focus, can't stay awake etc. I do not drive anymore; got rid of car and save a lot of money.
Look up the damage this stuff does to teeth and the heart. I don't think they properly research this area of health related to Adderall and stimulant use. I only need to know it messed up my life. I am a cyclist, walker, skiier etc. No reason I should have this issue. I am beyond upset.
Anyway, I wish you luck and hope you can find an alternative either lifestyle or medication. I think it's the daily use of these drugs that gets us addicted. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if it were once a week. For me that won't work because I am addicted and I've lost control of that.
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Hello NewMindset,
Congratulations on the upcoming baby! I started adderall after being diagnosed with ADHD after having 4 kids when I couldn't cope. I was a much better listener on Adderall but it backfired and turned my life into a hell-storm that I am still in.
I'm early in the process of 0 mg Adderall. I started weaning without my doctors help because I have never been able to maintain my life when I have tried to quit or wean. a couple times I went to treatment to get off Adderall and the doc put me back on it in the hospital.
I have been weaning for around 2 years and three weeks ago stopped altogether. Stopping altogether feels a whole lot different than the 5- 10 mg a day I last took.
I am here because no one i know acknowledges that this drug is harmful and I can't even tell them. If I get any encouragement to go back on, I will. And I now have a heart condition where I the muscle is not able to push enough blood out to meet the demand of exercise. I have no idea why the text just turned red by the way.
I am glad to hear people had some of the same effects from the drug; perfectionism; taking forever to do something because it had to be perfect; not able to cut to the chase. I also planned too much. Nothing was any better except my house was neater. That did happen but it was not actually decluttered; i just worked on it all the time obsessively.
I see other people in my ADHD support group who also do similar things. We FEEL super productive and creative and focused, but the amount of actual accomplishment is near 0. Most are not working at jobs and are supported by spouses while they pursue businesses they have dreamed up. (online business).
Parenting does take organization and focus; if I had it to do over, maybe i would have just stopped putting my kids in so many activities and stayed off adderall. Who knows.
Good luck to you! Thanks for your insight.
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Hi DelaneyJuliette
Good job getting to 42 days!
And, It's good to read it gets easier.
fear I will relapse. I am afraid when my kids and family start wanting something from me I cannot deliver, I will relapse. That is the reason I started this god forsaken drug to start with. I was unable to be the person my family wanted. I don't even have the energy to type right now. It's been approximately three weeks since the last pill of adderall. it has been getting worse recently. Good luck to you!
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I want to look for adderall anonymous also. I feel like NA is a bit too intense yet I need the support. This is so hard. I feel like I’m lurking at NA because I wasn’t arrested or buying street drugs. I don’t have big stories to tell. Pills anonymous is mostly opioid abuse. They cross talk which don’t like.
how about cocaine anonymous or marijuana anonymous?
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Hey I’m going to check in again after 3?years relapse. I gave up every time I’ve tried to quit adderall. Now I am doing this the NA/AA way-One hour at a time. One day at a time. This is so hard but just one day at a time. Will be back to read and post tomorrow.
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Hi,
I apparently set up an account some time ago and I don't even remember doing so. I have been taking Adderall and also often abusing it, since 2000 and I am now convinced this addiction is why I ended my marriage to a loving husband. I was in the throes of one of the stages; irritable, blaming, angry, depressed, anxious, confused, no motivation, living only to take the dose in the morning, and feeling the problems were my spouse's fault.
I have been able to free myself from Adderall about three or four times but never permanently.
I am currently unable to hold a job although I have a master's degree and I don't know myself. I can't make the simplest decision. I have become so depressed and anxious that I decided to try one more time to get off Adderall, about two or so weeks ago.
The first time I went off, I was in rehab for something else and it was incidental to the other rehab. I was in Arizona and it was January. My bleeding painful fingertips healed while I was there and when I got home, I figured it was the warm, dry, weather. I eventually, rather quickly, got back on Adderall.
Now, four years later, I'm free of Adderall for about one or two weeks; having tried to wean down the dose. I never attributed it to Adderall, but my feet and toes hurt and my thumb and fingertips had painful, bleeding, cracks/fissures that made it hard to hold a pen or type. So...two weeks into this experiment, now taking 30 mg/day of Cymbalta due to extreme depression, I notice...fissures are completely closed and healing like some magic thing happened! And it's winter and it's 0 degrees and I'm NOT in Arizona. I'm in the same weather that caused me to need gloves all the time and no amount of lotion would sooth the cracks. Oh, I also am now pre-diabetic and there is no diabetes in my family, I weigh 127#, and I eat green smoothies and whole grains, white meat chicken, a little chocolate now and then, etc. It's just weird.
I looked up this site and wow, read the stages of adderall addiction and now I know why my anxiety has been off the charts. I had all of it; almost into the final brain damage phase. It's terrifying to me because even knowing how shitty I feel on Adderall, I am not sure I can abstain in the future. I was never able to stop it for more than a few days; a few weeks if lucky; and the one time, while in rehab for 10 weeks.
I have to stay on this forum. I was at NA a few months ago and gave up trying to quit; getting that relief from use with the first dose; then the second day, no sleep and feeling shitty again. Then telling myself, those addicts are abusing Heroine and Meth and they will laugh at me if I tell them I'm trying to stay off adderall. In fact, once someone told me, if you have ADHD, you don't need to stop it and it's ok; not an addiction. This roller coaster has to stop. I just want to work and not feel so terrified all the time.
Thanks to anyone reading and please comment if you have any thoughts. I feel unmotivated, insecure, indecisive, and very scattered.
Thank you!
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Hi I am so grateful I found this forum and that it's still alive and active.
I have tried to quit adderall in the past but I think I'm hooked forever now. I have taken this drug and abused it; off and on, slowing down, taking short breaks, then starting up again, for sixteen years. I cannot believe it. I blame this drug for a lot of things, but the worst is how I lost my marriage. At times I wonder if quitting even makes sense now since the damage is so extensive to relationships and the entire structure of my life. I decided two days ago, after one more endless bouts of insomnia and a day of insomnia induced depression and lack of logical thinking, that I absolutely had to quit. So the next day, I didn't take it. Until 2 pm. I called a friend who compassionately suggested taking a lower dose instead of quitting all at once.
I took part of my dose yesterday and part of the pill today. I already am freaking out that i should not do this. I slept until 10 am this morning and ended up crying half of the day. Now my legs feel numb-tingly and it's really uncomfortable. My mind feel like I just unplugged it and there is no filter.
I've been weaning off of a 60 mg daily dose I was prescribed for ADHD, since June of this year and was down to 25 or 30 mg (reg not XR) day. In the past, when I began weaning, I always went back on it and felt instantaneous relief. It's the worst addiction because it is sanctioned by doctors for ADHD. I don't want to tell my doc I'm weaning off it because I don't know if I can handle this. I want to be convinced i'll be better off without this stuff. ANd my history shows I cannot do it. I always feel better and more productive on adderall but in reality, my life was falling; my life DID fall apart. I lost my marriage in a stimulant induced feeling of invincibility and self desire for a better life, which was a fantasy induced by this speed. I was seriously abusing it back then (2003, 4, 5, 6 etc).
Even on a 25 mg dose, I am not sleeping well and I quit benzos and Remeron, which were my sleep aids for Adderall. Benzo withdrawal made me want to scream and I trembled for 6 months but benzos are horrible for memory and depression. Remeron and all the antidepressants I've used to help with the anxiety and other bizarre personality and focus side effects of adderall have left me with a load of health issues like weight gain, cholesterol problems and pre-diabetes. So, I decide and then try to quit, again, and again, and again. I keep starting back up. I do have ADHD, and Adderall helps with my impulsive interrupting when people are talking. Off adderall, I get so bored listening to people talk and waiting for them to make their points or to stop talking on and on about their aunt and sisters husbands, brother in law who has a kid going to college on scholarship. On Adderall, I can listen intensively to the most boring conversations. I find most conversation somewhat boring actually, so I'm scared to be off of this for that reason. And, top it all off I went back to school and got a masters in social work, while taking adderall of course. I listen to people talk and have to remember what people say. If they are talkinga bout their relatives, I can't act bored or ask to repeat what was said. I don't know if I will even like the work after I quit this. Then again, maybe I'll like it more.
So, are people experiencing rewards for quitting? My kids noticed I was talking about random changing topics the last time I tried to quit (they didn't know I was trying). It's embarrassing.
What about this thing with tingling in my legs and with crying and feeling depressed? Have any of that anyone? Does it go away? IS THIS WORTH IT? Oh and my gums and mouth; problems with gums receding and with decay and root canal and crowns. I"m quitting for that reason also.
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Around 7 weeks sober, really struggling with self control, is this normal?
in General Discussion
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Hi how are you feeling now? I stopped on January 19 2024. I still have too much anxiety but I know part of it is the dage I did to my life while I was abusing Adderall. I also know that outside of this forum, no one understands what we are going through. At least not yet. Few people who have abused Adderall long term can even get off Adderall let alone stay off. So congratulations to you and all of us.
I might go off coffee to see if it helps the anxiety.
Hope you're well!