[18 months sober... and happier than ever. There is hope.]

Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me some hope.

[18 months sober... and happier than ever. There is hope.]

On 5/3/2017 at 8:43 PM, Badderall said:

Hi everyone, I've been reading this site off and on for years now and finally decided to share my story. It has a happy ending. For anyone out there who has been trying to quit Adderall, even for many years--there is hope for you.

After nine years of a nasty addiction to Adderall and other prescription drugs during my twenties, I finally got sober 18 months ago, and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I never knew life could be this... beautiful, fulfilling, and peaceful for me. I sleep every night now. I have normal relationships with people. I eat healthfully. I run, bike, and hike. I'm not anxious and paranoid anymore. I even managed to get through the death of my father last summer without relying on drugs. The things that helped me get and stay sober are the following: 

1) Moving away from my hometown--getting away from my prescribing doctor, my dysfunctional family, and my drug friends.
2) Therapy. Online therapy worked very well for me.
3) Running. I never exercised in my life before 18 months ago. I was never the athletic type, and I couldn't really exercise much for the nine years I was on Adderall because of the cardiovascular side effects, but now I run/bike/hike many miles every week. I think running was the biggest help in staying sober. There is science to back this up--read about the FosB gene and its role in both addiction and runner's high if you are interested.
4) Eating healthfully. During my nine years addicted to Adderall, I gained 50lbs. The first few years, Adderall made me lose weight to the point of being too thin. But then I started using alcohol and benzos to counteract the anxiety, insomnia, and paranoia, and I began to gain weight. I think high cortisol levels from the constant stress I was putting my body through, plus poor nutrition and a fucked up metabolism from periodically starving myself on Adderall and then bingeing on junk food when I crashed, also contributed to my weight gain. In the past 18 months I have lost 40 of those pounds through sobriety, healthy eating, and exercise.
5) Medication. Nothing addictive, obviously. I take a very small dose of Lexapro every day and it has helped me enormously with my anxiety and depression.

I have read so many stories on here and I can relate to something in just about every one of them. Not knowing how you can do things without taking Adderall. The anxiety, the paranoia, taking everything too seriously, losing sight of the big picture, losing friends, losing jobs, etc etc etc. I can relate to all of it. I dropped out of college and did absolutely nothing with my life except weird Adderall projects for years. At the height of my addiction, Adderall even landed me in the psych ward twice in one year. I ruined so many friendships. I hurt so many people and did so many things I regret.

But I fought my addiction hard. And I beat it. I won. My life is beautiful and full now in a way that, when I was on the drug, I never believed it could be. Yes, there are hard times, but I am able to fully deal with them now with a clear head. And the hard times make the good times even better. I don't get my happiness from a pill anymore. I get it from good relationships with other humans and from doing the things that make me happy in life. I'm back in school, and the sense of accomplishment I get from earning good grades is so rewarding in the absence of Adderall. I feel good about myself now. I feel confident.

Maybe I'll write more of my story (it's a long, wild one) another time. I just wanted to let you all know that you're not alone, that there is hope, there is a life for you after Adderall, and it's fucking glorious compared to the dark hole you live in when you're on that awful drug. I won, and I believe you can win this battle too.

 

[So done!]

Thank you for your encouragement. My problem is I have kids so don't know how I can just take a week off. There have been several times lately where I've passed out and not gotten up for 2 days. It's like I'm comatose. Thank God for my mom's help with my kids. I just can't live like this anymore. It's like I have no feelings anymore. I hate being this way.

[So done!]

How do I get off this drug? Do I tell my Dr and hope he can taper me off? I've been on Adderall for a few years. I'm suppose to take 60 mg a day but sometimes I take more. And I hate it! It consumes my thoughts every minute. I don't want to be dependent on it anymore. I know it has changed my personality completely. I'm not the person I once was. I'm truly scared to death about the impending withdrawals. I have two kids to raise. How am I going to get through this? I feel lost and alone and wish I had never taken that first pill. Anyone have advice? Please help me!