I have to admit that I have, to my own surprise, been able to make it 10 months with VERY little output at work. I luckily had a great reputation and a very good relationship with my boss, so my first few months back from rehab, no one bothered me too much. I've managed to avoid as many assignments as possible, and basically my routine has been procrastinate for several days, maybe even weeks, then realize I need to put something out and get a burst of motivation under pressure and push out something that looks like it could have legitimately taken awhile to produce. This has been working just fine, and while I do miss the feeling of daily productivity, my main objective this past year has been to just survive.
Unfortunately, I've just been assigned a huge project that requires me to lead a team of senior management. Adderall me would have jumped at the opportunity, but the real me is literally full of dread. I cannot bullshit my way through this, and I am almost paralyzed with anxiety on how I'm going to get through it. I can't even seem to produce an action plan/timeline. These are the kinds of things that make me realize just how far down the wrong path adderall has taken me. Adderall made me think I enjoyed this shit, but the reality is I cannot fucking stand it. I keep hoping that if I can just stick it out that maybe it won't be so bad. I can't afford a pay cut so I'm pretty much stuck for the time being anyways. I feel like I would do so much better in a career like nursing, I would just be busy all day and when I left, the work day would end. I wouldn't have these projects that I take home with me and that stress me out for months on end. I never enjoyed school so the fact that adderall made me think I would enjoy an office job still baffles me. There is no real purpose to this point, but I suppose I just wanted to get that out!
I get it. While heavily Adderall induced, I would apply to new jobs (only to quickly glance over the descriotion), get called in for an interview, nail the interview, get hired, run out of Adderall and sober up and realize that pushing papers all day was pure hell.
When doing the bare minimum is not enough
in General Discussion
Posted
I get it. While heavily Adderall induced, I would apply to new jobs (only to quickly glance over the descriotion), get called in for an interview, nail the interview, get hired, run out of Adderall and sober up and realize that pushing papers all day was pure hell.