AdderallAbuser95

I'll also be looking through the site for help while I wait for replies, i need something to keep my mind off these horrible side effects im having

I've quit adderall about 5 different times, yet seem to always go back to it for some reason...most recently being yesterday and into this current morning. My problem is that I can't control my self so I end up binging on it whenever I do take it. My binges are usually about 80-140 mg within a 24-36 hour period, including yesterday and this morning, which I am currently coming down from. I've put my heart through this so many times, I feel like its a ticking time bomb til my heart says enough and just gives up. So far within the last two hours I've had aggressive heart palipations, some light headedness, anxiety, a brief shortness of breath, and a resting heart rate of about 126 bpm. I'm scared.... this drug has a grasp on my life and I can't seem to let it go. I just poured the remainder of my prescription down the toilet, but my problem is that I keep going back to get it refilled and cant seem to keep myself from not doing it. I just really want my old life back... I want my health, my friends/family, my personality, my natural self, even if it means sacrificing my ability to focus. Not being able to focus normally is an enormous struggle for me, especially when it comes to reading, but adderall just isn't the answer. I want to be free from this drug once and for all for the love of God please help me. I feel like I need someone who I can text or call whenever I'm tempted to take adderall again... I just don't know what the answer is.... If anyone also has tips to come down from it safely I'd greatly appreciate it as I'm really scared right now, thank you