Alyssa
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Posts posted by Alyssa
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On 11/8/2017 at 4:40 PM, Emmz12 said:
I've though about this a lot lately. It's been 11 months since I took my last adderall and I have ups and downs. Some days I feel okay (these are unfortunately the ups) and other days I feel completely useless. Like I could sleep for 28 hours straight and still not be rested. I often think, is this because I'm still not over my adderall addiction? Or is this because I have some sort of motivational depression and this is just the new norm for me. I'd be devastated if this was the new norm for me. Would drive me to use adderall again. It sucks.
How are you doing as of recently?
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On 11/9/2017 at 3:23 AM, Emmz12 said:
It's not so much that I feel depressed as in sad... It's more like I just don't have the energy or motivation to do the things I should be doing. I sleep all day when I have the day off and at work I'm a half asleep zombie the first part of every day. Is this lack of energy and motivation? Or PAWS? Now that I have discovered this thread and realized that this is a thing (today!!!) I finally might think its still withdrawal from adderall. Before today I had suspicions of it still being an issue but intense fears that I was just always going to be this tired and lethargic and lazy for the rest of my life. I was on adderall or some other amphetamine for over 20 years. Never with a dose of over 20 mg a day, tapered off my dose and quit several times in the last 5 years, and even was able to end it up doing 5 mg every other day. But even the small doses that I was on gave me some sort this of stimulating effect...
You are very brave for turning your life around after so long. Keep going!!!
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On October 20, 2017 at 11:45 PM, Frances B said:
I think depression has a lot to do with it. It's so hard to quit when you have this amazing hot body and everyone around you rewards you and compliments you for it, and we live in a culture where a woman's physical appearance (especially weight) is directly tied to her self worth. Best of luck in trying to get off, I'm struggling too. I have depression and adder all seemed to have masked it.
Yeah. I lost my amazing bod though due to college, even on adderall.
You should try antidepressants! I recently started and it's been a roller coaster, but along with a therapist, I am in a better place than I have been in in 2 years.
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5 hours ago, Emmz12 said:
I've though about this a lot lately. It's been 11 months since I took my last adderall and I have ups and downs. Some days I feel okay (these are unfortunately the ups) and other days I feel completely useless. Like I could sleep for 28 hours straight and still not be rested. I often think, is this because I'm still not over my adderall addiction? Or is this because I have some sort of motivational depression and this is just the new norm for me. I'd be devastated if this was the new norm for me. Would drive me to use adderall again. It sucks.
So this sounds a lot like the questions I ask myself a lot. My therapist is telling me that I have a problem with "lows" and "highs". I think this is an effect of adderall, and driving us to need that ultimate high that literally nothing can bring you down on.
I think this new norm for you might feel depressing just because you clump all not extremely awesome feelings together under depression. That's what I do, did at least. I am learning to be more comfortable with the normal pace of life. Everything I do isn't absolutely the best ever, like it was on adderall, but I am learning to feel peaceful with normal day life.
It seems like you would benefit from anti depressants and a therapist. It's a process but there is hope.
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Have you seen this video? It talks about addiction and society. really short and really interesting
Not trying to persuade you to tell your parents, you know what's best, but thought you'd like this!
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I had no idea it was a side effect.... why is everybody on this crap
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I tried to quit adderall a week or two ago but had to get back on it. Different story
ANYWAYS the night before I started taking adderall again I started feeling different. I was crying and lights looked weird as I was driving? They seemed brighter or something. The next day I took 50 mg throughout the day, got one hour of sleep that night, whatever. Never caught up on that sleep. Last night I drank w friends and got 10 hours probably?
Always, took adderall again today, and lights just have been looking weird to me sometimes these past 3 days. I feel "high" but more like an acid trip high than a weed high. I think I am very sensitive to lights and colors? Like when I was studying I looked at a red paper then a green one and kept tripping out. If I was looking at the red paper, I had to completely hide the green one from sight or my vision would get all weird.
This part is hard to explain, but I'll look in the corner and it seems dark, and my brain thinks night time, and then when I look back a little later it seems light, like day time! but the light hasn't changed? To be honest last night I thought it was sleep deprivation and thought it was cool I was kinda hallucinating and went with it. Now I think it's weird that I still feel a lil out of it. My vision almost feels like it's lagging. Keep in mind I often take only my normal dose of adderall! I've never taken more than 50 in a day.
What do y'all think? Similar experiences? also I try to bold the important parts so y'all don't get bored haha.
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this is awesome
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also one of my new favorite songs
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^ what is NA?
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On 10/5/2017 at 8:32 PM, Kiona said:
Somebody on reddit recommended this site, so here I am. Let's see if getting this all off my chest helps.
I've always known I have ADHD; I was diagnosed as a kid, and my parents had me on an adderall substitute, but I don't know what it was or for how long. I'm fuzzy with the dates, but when I'd left for college and was living on my own, I decided my depression and ADHD needed to stop if I was going to get anywhere in life, so I went to a doctor and got me some adderall. I wasn't expecting the high, and kind of started to use it to treat my depression more than my ADHD. It was great for a few months. Then it started working less, so I asked my doctor for a higher dose. And later on, it stopped working again, so I asked for a higher dose. I did this until I was taking 30mg three times daily (or at least, that's what I was supposed to be taking--I did closer to 300mg daily until my supply ran out). I've been on the stuff for two years, I think? I'm female, and was sitting at 120 lbs for most of my adderall days. Now I'm almost 200 lbs. I primarily interact with my dad's side of the family, and they hate drugs like adderall (if only I'd listened), so I never told anyone I was taking it.
It wasn't really my decision to get off the stuff; I just got sick of the withdrawal that followed every time I burned through my script in a few days. I finally figured that if I was going to go through that withdrawal phase, I was only going to do it once. I've fallen off the wagon twice, and this is day 10 since my last pill. I'm afraid I'll never get off it. The dopamine deficiency is killing me more than anything; I hate it, I hate feeling like this, I want to want to be alive again. I wish I'd never started taking this crap. I wish I'd researched it before I asked for the script. The worst part is, I can't tell my family anything because they'd disown me if they knew I'd got myself addicted to amphetamines. So I'm trudging up this hill alone, and everybody is getting super ticked off at me for how I'm acting, and that isn't helping in the slightest. I have a little bit of cushion because they know I'm depressed, but for the most part they're just making this whole process so much harder. I don't make enough to live on my own, so here I am, almost thirty and still living with my dad. I hate that, too. I don't know how I can possibly get through this, let alone get my life back on track.
The first time I tried to quit, I ended up calling out of work so many times they fired me. I have a new job now, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose it, too. It's so frustrating not being able to get any work done. I hate not being able to make it through my days without wanting to scream or maybe kill myself. It's so hard. I know other people have quit successfully, but it feels like I'll never be one of those people.
(What kind of doctor prescribes 90 mg a day to a college student? sounds like 3 guaranteed mood swings a day)
Although I have not been able to quit for good yet I want you to know I understand completely how you feel. Try and remind yourself that although these thoughts you have are valid, your depression (or dopamine deficiency as you stated it) is causing these thoughts to be overwhelmingly negative and one sided. Depression sucks because it can make you think that who you are while you are depressed is who you are as a person. For example, you're not "lazy". Sounds like you're just exhausted. But that will change soon, I can see you are on the right track
You seem like a great person. Don't take your life. We on this forum understand you, you're not alone.
also as a side note I would recommend telling your family you are addicted to adderall for more support. Or see a therapist who you can talk to about it, it helps me a lot
you got this!
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On 8/24/2017 at 8:18 PM, Kimber said:
Good for you on month 2. I just finish week 2 and feels like every hour is a mood change. And yes the tight clothes can always get me. I've got to start working out...never had to before, but would probably help with more than weight ... good luck to you also.
Yes! Every hour is a mood change. Look up "mixed state" on Wikipedia. That's basically how I feel when I am going through withdrawals. It's a symptom of bipolar disorder but I think very relevant here bc our neurotransmitters are screwed up too
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4 hours ago, Nicole88 said:
This pretty much sums it up for me as well
what made y'all so unhappy? Like what was the turning point? personally I'm not gonna lose my job (don't have one) or get kicked out of college etc. did y'all have some kind of "rock bottom"?
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Like many, I treat my depression with adderall. But what does this depression mean exactly?
Does this mean by some awful fate our brains were naturally born depressed, and then we got our ADD diagnosis, and then we were like wait this solves my depression too hell yeah! And self medicated?
does this mean that we never had ADD but really we just had depression, which cause ADD like symptoms?
OR are we FEELING depressed because adderall addiction is screwing with the rewards system in our brains?
^ which basically is our addiction speaking, telling us now that we have been depressed all along, and need the drug more than previously conceived. Right?
Is this depression ( whether natural or causes by adderall ) able to be solved WITHOUT medication???
to those who are still on it, what are your moods like?
To those who quit, do you feel you will always battle this depression?
are there any of you who have never felt depressed???
(i have been feeling insane these past week or two. I upped my dose to higher than before to lose some weight, and then it pissed me off so I quit cold turkey for a week, that made me almost psychotic so now I'm back on it, and right now I feel INSANE I took 40 mg and wow talk about a tolerance break. I'm tweakinnn)
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Also congrats. I can't even do a week so 10 months is unimaginable.
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Could you go into detail how your moods are day to day, month to month?
I quit adderall to be happy and I take it to be happy. But yeah if you could tell me if you're truly more content now then before it would be great to hear , considering I'm hypedddd on my second pill of the day right now after quitting cold turkey for almost a week lol
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23 hours ago, Nicole88 said:
Hi Alyssa.
welcome to the forums!!! I thought I'd give my two cents in regards to your question about quitting adderall while in college. I can only speak from my own experience, and while I did not quit in college, I put it off for the same reasons you mentioned. I had determined it would be easier after I graduated, but I could not have been more wrong. The problem with this logic is that while you won't be in school, you'll likely have other, if not more pressing, responsibilities. In my particular case, I already had a full time position in my organization my senior year of college after being hired from an internship. I conpleteted that year by taking night and online classes all while working full time. My career really took off initially and the prospect of quitting adderall became less and less of an option. I've talked in several other posts about how my additiction spiraled out of control until I was left with no other choice but to quit. To do this, I had to, after over 4 years in my organization, go to my boss and explain that I needed to take a leave of absence to go to rehab. I am incredibly lucky and forever grateful for the support and understanding I received, but this was far from an ideal situation. I won't sugar coat the fact that getting off this shit is a miserable process. I personally was pretty much useless for almost 10 months. However, if I could go back in time, hindsight as it is, I would have just taken a semester off in college to take care of the problem. I would have saved myself so much heartache.... keep us posted on your decision and best of luck to you!! You deserve a life above and beyond the cycle adderall has you trapped in
Thank you so much for sharing. I think you're right, saying I'll quit after college is like people addicted to cigarettes saying they'll quit after college. Just another excuse my addiction is telling me!
Thank you for your story.
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On 10/4/2017 at 9:27 PM, EricP said:
Hello Alyssa, thank you for sharing your story. I am at 4mo since I quit taking and am just starting to have normal days. I still seem to have at least one really bad day a week. I quit cold turkey which now looking back I wish I had tapered off.
Besides taking a semester off maybe you you could start tapering off a couple months before summer then stop once school is out. I would consider talking to your doc about welbutrin as many here have said it helped the transition, I just got a script myself as I am still struggling.
Exercise really helps also, some of my worst days when I peeled myself off the couch to break a sweat really helped.
Good luck and hope you give it a go when your ready for it! Even on my worst days I don't regret quitting!
"Even on my worst days I don't regret quitting" thank you for this! Also I think I am going to taper off like you said. And exercise for sure... can't get fat!
Thanks so much for your reply. Good luck to you, here's to more good days!
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thanks for this. hopefully I can quit soon.
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I have no idea. Scared
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