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WiredTiredUnhired

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Posts posted by WiredTiredUnhired

  1. On 9/9/2019 at 1:08 PM, tuneum said:

    I just moved to here, and am also new to the forum- have you found anything yet?

    Hi @tuneum, welcome to new york. I'm always looking for new friends so feel free to drop me a text anytime! I'm DM you my number, k? 

    Quote

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

     

  2. 11 hours ago, Mrslock said:

    You have to have the right stack to help you in the areas that you need. I would really look into asking in the nootropics Facebook page. 

    As for you being a stim user I would stay away from the racetams. 

    Look at stuff to help you get and keep energy. Taking adderall diminishes magnesium, b vitamins, and the list goes on for necessary bodily supplements. The magnesium to take for energy and feel good is magnesium malate. 

    It also messes with the dopamine, serotonin,  norepinephrine ect... if you been on it for a long time, or if you have been abusing adderall your pathways and receptors have paid the price. That's where the depression, anxiety, no will to be a productive member of society. 

    That's when you start looking into rebuilding receptors and neural pathways along with giving your brain the nutrients it needs. 

    NAC - N-acetyl L-Cysteine is a neroprotectant 

    Citicoline -Citicoline seems to increase abrain chemical called phosphatidylcholine. This brainchemical is important for brainfunction. Citicoline might also decrease brain tissue damage when the brain is injured. (Long term adderall use or abuse is a brain injury)

    Triacetyluridine (uridine tau) -Uridine, along with CDP Choline, promotes the growth of new dopaminereceptors in the brain by activating D1 and D2 receptor signaling, helping to prevent dopamine receptor burn out, especially in brains with fewerdopamine receptors. This mechanism helps optimize mental function and improve both mood and cognition.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15970626/

    Dha fish oil is required for the uridine TAU to complete its job since its fat soluble.  Also it just helps bring everything together so great. 

    Sulbutiamine - Sulbutiamine is an upgraded version of vitamin B1 that can pass the blood-brain barrier and reach your brain.Sulbutiamine is a nootropic (aka smart drug) that decreases both mental and physical fatigue. ... Sulbutiamine also improves mood, and may boost long-term memory.

    D3 is a body essential. 

    If you get anxiety L-theanine helps calm the jitters. 

    Now this is a good stack to start with. Also look into other things to start repairing other parts of the brain that may have suffered during this run. 

    My husband is on this stack. It's been 2 weeks at minimum dosing and he is starting to feel the effects of it. He is happier,  he isnt waking up hating the world, going to work and actually staying awake when he gets home. 

    If you have Anhedonia like symptoms add the amino acid sarcosine its water soluble and it tastes like sugar. Google or look on reddit for sarcosine and NAC combo. People have been seeing lots of great things from those 2 combined. 

    Here is a little pub med on sarcosine 

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5331637/

    Dont expect this to be instant fix, you didnt break down in a instant and fixing it can take a while but I will tell you that you will start feeling the effects within 2 weeks. 

    As for bpc-157 we just started this week on it , maybe like 3 days ago. Going to wait at least 10 days before we start saying anything about how it acts in the brain. I've done 7 months of research on different things to help the brain and for my husband to feel better. Bpc-157 has been very high on my list and all I have seen is benefits in this peptide so it was added .  

    Good luck in your journey and remember you are stronger then the drug. You can and will be back to normal. :)

    And watch where you buy your supplements from. They may say they have what they have but it's in min amounts. 

    Nootropicsdepot.com

    Brainvitaminz.com

    Pepwarehouse.com

    Good sources. Tested supplements high quality. 

     

     

    Thank you, Mrslock, for going to all the trouble of listing out this information. I'm definitely gonna explore your recommendations. Perhaps nootropics are a part of the solution after all, but don't you think this sounds like A LOT? Please don't mistake me. I'm a believer in the benefits of taking the right cocktail of non-narcotic supplements to heal a narcotic problem, and clearly I had no qualms about polluting my body before I decided to kick amphetamines, but idk... I just don't love the idea of pouring so many synthetic chemicals down my throat. I guess I need to think about it some more, do some additional research on your suggestions while I'm at it. In fact, I'm gonna check out what Facebook has to say on nootropics right now.

    One more thing... What are "racetams"?

    11 hours ago, Mrslock said:

    You have to have the right stack to help you in the areas that you need. I would really look into asking in the nootropics Facebook page. 

    As for you being a stim user I would stay away from the racetams. 

    Look at stuff to help you get and keep energy. Taking adderall diminishes magnesium, b vitamins, and the list goes on for necessary bodily supplements. The magnesium to take for energy and feel good is magnesium malate. 

    It also messes with the dopamine, serotonin,  norepinephrine ect... if you been on it for a long time, or if you have been abusing adderall your pathways and receptors have paid the price. That's where the depression, anxiety, no will to be a productive member of society. 

    That's when you start looking into rebuilding receptors and neural pathways along with giving your brain the nutrients it needs. 

    NAC - N-acetyl L-Cysteine is a neroprotectant 

    Citicoline -Citicoline seems to increase abrain chemical called phosphatidylcholine. This brainchemical is important for brainfunction. Citicoline might also decrease brain tissue damage when the brain is injured. (Long term adderall use or abuse is a brain injury)

    Triacetyluridine (uridine tau) -Uridine, along with CDP Choline, promotes the growth of new dopaminereceptors in the brain by activating D1 and D2 receptor signaling, helping to prevent dopamine receptor burn out, especially in brains with fewerdopamine receptors. This mechanism helps optimize mental function and improve both mood and cognition.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15970626/

    Dha fish oil is required for the uridine TAU to complete its job since its fat soluble.  Also it just helps bring everything together so great. 

    Sulbutiamine - Sulbutiamine is an upgraded version of vitamin B1 that can pass the blood-brain barrier and reach your brain.Sulbutiamine is a nootropic (aka smart drug) that decreases both mental and physical fatigue. ... Sulbutiamine also improves mood, and may boost long-term memory.

    D3 is a body essential. 

    If you get anxiety L-theanine helps calm the jitters. 

    Now this is a good stack to start with. Also look into other things to start repairing other parts of the brain that may have suffered during this run. 

    My husband is on this stack. It's been 2 weeks at minimum dosing and he is starting to feel the effects of it. He is happier,  he isnt waking up hating the world, going to work and actually staying awake when he gets home. 

    If you have Anhedonia like symptoms add the amino acid sarcosine its water soluble and it tastes like sugar. Google or look on reddit for sarcosine and NAC combo. People have been seeing lots of great things from those 2 combined. 

    Here is a little pub med on sarcosine 

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5331637/

    Dont expect this to be instant fix, you didnt break down in a instant and fixing it can take a while but I will tell you that you will start feeling the effects within 2 weeks. 

    As for bpc-157 we just started this week on it , maybe like 3 days ago. Going to wait at least 10 days before we start saying anything about how it acts in the brain. I've done 7 months of research on different things to help the brain and for my husband to feel better. Bpc-157 has been very high on my list and all I have seen is benefits in this peptide so it was added .  

    Good luck in your journey and remember you are stronger then the drug. You can and will be back to normal. :)

    And watch where you buy your supplements from. They may say they have what they have but it's in min amounts. 

    Nootropicsdepot.com

    Brainvitaminz.com

    Pepwarehouse.com

    Good sources. Tested supplements high quality. 

     

     

    29

     

    • Like 1
  3. Thank you for opening up this topic, anonymousdino. I've become quite doubtful of these OTC supplements like l-tyrosine and 5-HTP and CoQ-10 and so on. I bought a few bottles like two weeks ago from The Vitamin Shoppe, thinking there was nothing to lose by giving them a shot. It should be noted first that it's only been 10 days since I took my last Adderall and only 7 days since I started taking the supplements, but the skeptic in me says that these capsules could contain baking flour or sawdust for all I know. Has anyone else here had similar thoughts? 

    • Like 1
  4. Writing while 100mgs of amphetamine are pumping through your synapses is enough to drive anyone clinically bonkers. Even when it comes to simple tasks like texting a friend, I will obsessively write and rewrite, sometimes for hours, because everything I put down on paper (or on my phone) isn't right or clear or articulate. This point makes no sense, I'll think, normally before I've even completed the sentence. Better tack on a few more words. Y'know, so the reader gets what I mean. Meanwhile, four hours have gone by and I've only managed to string together a paragraph or two. I'll briefly shift my eyes from the glare of my laptop to the digital clock beside my bed. It's 5:30 AM? And I hardly noticed a single minute pass.

    This is just one unique example. On Adderall, I can spend days spinning my wheels, working on a project or seeking a job or just jumping from one website to another. Only after the effect of the drug has worn off will I realize how much wasted time I've poured into completing some menial task. It all sounds so insane unless you've experienced it before. Adderall has a way of tricking our brains into mistaking mania with productiveness. It alters perception in a way that convinces you that there's no problem. You're not obsessed; you just hyper-engaged. All the while, you've got this broken mind whispering encouraging yet insidious lies. Well done! Keep up the good work.

    Overcoming the illusion is the first indication that your thinking might not be totally shot after all. The next obstacle is even more daunting. Once you subtract the artificial motivation you've relied upon for ages, where do you turn for the healthy, organic kind? I've forgotten what it feels like to care passionately about anything. I know the part of me that's eager to enjoy the company of others and pursue an interesting project or simply participate in life has to be inside of me somewhere. I didn't always feel so hopeless and apathetic. I want that feeling back. The hard part is accepting the fact that there's no magical potion that will make me into that person. Then I remember that's the kind of thinking that got me stuck here in the first place.  

    Someone? Anyone? I don't know the first thing about how to handle anything that demands effort. Please help me if you can.

    • Like 1
  5. Thanks, Frank! And yes, I'm 28 so you could make the case that I'm still in my "mid"-twenties. Thankfully, I finally earned my BA about 2.5 years ago. There are grad programs, of course, but I would probably pick waterboarding over returning to school (right now) if provided the choice. I do like higher education---the sounds, the sights, the smells. Even the crisp autumn air promises unlimited opportunity, hope, inspiration, creativity, and a love of learning***. But just 31 days into my sobriety, I think I'd sooner jam a sharpened pencil into my eye than churn out 5 pages on Jane Eyre.

    Your college-bound son actually sounds a lot like me when I was an 18 y/o freshman. For most adolescents of this generation, the message behind why HS matters was as plain as day: "To get into college, dummy!" That was good enough for me...until I finally got there. Not surprisingly, I was almost instantly struck by intense, unfamiliar sensations of discomfort and unease. (It took two stints in rehab plus countless sessions with my psychiatrist of 4 years and counting to finally assign clinical names to these conditions and to properly treat them with non-narcotic antidepressants and cognitive behavioral therapy.) It didn't take long for me to arrive at a similar version of your son's question: What, I genuinely wondered, are these four years really about? And likewise, my HS offered a similar answer to the one your son received. A HS diploma + a BA degree + Internships + an Entry-level whatever + Promotions + Marriage all adds up to... No wonder I resorted to every drug dealer/pill dispenser on campus! After a childhood spent following the rules, doing the work, and sticking to The Plan, of course I couldn't cope without knowing what was supposed to come next. 

    As a father who not only gets that the idea of "life's correct trajectory" is the stuff of mythmaking but also one who clearly adores his boy, this can't be an easy position to be in for either of you. You want the best for your son but learned a long time ago, as we all do, that "what's best" is rarely college. If there's something he naturally loves to do, though, like study film (I was always the AV dork...) or play sports (...yet played a season of D-III hoops!) or jam out on music or write for the school newspaper, there's a good shot he'll find it there. Friends included! 

    College, it turns out, is precisely as valuable or as useless as one makes of it. (Unfortunately, I was hardly privy to this kernel of wisdom at the time. I was too busy managing an unauthorized, unregulated pharmacy by cashing in on endless stacks of written scripts and CVS bottles.) And if your son is anything like 18-year-old me, he won't fully understand what a truly powerful thing that is until real life kicks in. But hopefully, he won't take the bait (Adderall) like the people on this forum most likely did.

    Thanks again for your support, Frank. It always feels nice to be recognized for something you're proud of. 

    ***Not including the $200,000K in student debt you'll owe by the end of your senior year. There is good news, however. In exchange for a modest six-figure balance, you'll be afforded the privilege to enjoy American academia's rich history of unabashed patriarchy, sex abuse scandals (followed swiftly by ugly, litigious coverups), Greek life and the extremely disturbing behavior it condones, and of course, the Universities themselves which turn a blind eye to all that and more!

    • Like 1
  6. This is not easy to say this but I can't store it inside any longer. At this moment, I want to die. Let's give it a name. How's severe suicidal ideation? I've been taking between 120-150mgs of Adderall IR every day since I received my last refill. I spend all day feeling like a rockstar, behaving like some kind of manic weirdo, spontaneously talking to strangers about nonsense that seems exciting and charismatic through my eyes.  But if people didn't know better, I'm pretty sure they'd think I was some raving lunatic. So I guess I'm lucky I don't meet the physical profile of a homeless drug addict? Anyway, after hours and hours of spinning my wheels, doing a lot without actually getting anything done, I turn to my Xanax prescription because I need to recover from all that time not eating or sleeping. I'll take 8mgs of that at once. That way, when I'm conscious 4 hours later, I can repeat the exact same cycle the following day. Obviously, at such insane quantities and rates of intake pounding two highly addictive, often lethal drugs, I run out fast. Ten to twelve days if I use "responsibly." Naturally, I crash almost immediately. Remember that rockstar with a broken brain telling him he could conquer the world? Well, right now he's hibernating in his messy room, alone and friendless and a joke of a human being. It doesn't feel over-the-top to say people like me don't deserve to live. Even worse, this is not even close to the first time I've been through drug-induced nightmares like the exact same one I've been subjecting myself to for years. I normally characterize the feeling as "hopeless" because invoking the word "suicidal" opens the doors to hospitals and group therapy and 12-step meetings and medications and so on, all of which I've endured firsthand as a patient. More than once, it shames me to say. There are kind people out there who say I'm hardly the biggest fuck-up in the world but I'm only inclined to believe them because how the hell would I know? It's not as if I have an impressive circle of friends or family or people in general. I'm just a nobody who lives for a drug that tricks his brain into feeling less broken. If anything I've described in this post sounds even remotely familiar or relatable, please say hello. I can't take much more of this loneliness. My goal is not to forge lifelong friendships, per se. I just crave company. Will someone out there spare just a little bit of their time to help a stranger feel less worthless? Please. I'm desperate.

  7. Greetings,

    I am so, so, so conflicted! On one hand, I wouldn't be here if a piece of me wasn't at least somewhat interested in kicking Adderall. Since I opened this account a few days ago, I visit these forums several times a day. I posted an abridged version my story. I know this is unsustainable and will just get worse if I continue. On the other hand, however, I still crave my confidence candy. In a couple days, the effects will wear off and I'll revert to a comatose state. I'll lose that immediate kick of courage and enthusiasm it gives me. My confidence will be totally deflated.  I've read a lot of posts here saying time will heal these deficiencies. But in my experience, it never does. The motivation Adderall gives me may be artificially induced but it's better than nothing. I know this may seem childish, but when I have a fresh prescription at my disposal, I'd rather resort to the fake boost than take my chances with real apathy. Why is it so daunting to give life a drug-free chance? How does one learn how to handle hardship and boredom and responsibility like an adult? How does one develop passions the natural way? Do I even have the capacity to lead a healthy existence anymore, to set goals and take the steps to achieve them without a stimulant to get me over the hump? What do people do to make the adjustment more seamless? Please, folks. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I was last able to bring myself to abstain, and I can already start to feel hopeless and lethargic. "Make recovery your full-time job," they say. But what if the inspiration is gone for good? Then what?

    WiredTiredUnhired

    • Like 2
  8. Greetings Everyone,

    First, here's a brief introduction. I've been familiar with this site for at least a year by now, but today I'm proud to say I finally decided to open an account!* (I'll be posting my story after I complete and post this entry.) I've wanted to be a regular participant on this site because of the hope you all inspire each time I recognize a piece of myself in your stories. This is something I could never get out of 12-step recovery, despite the last seven years I've spent attending AA meetings pretending to believe in God so as not to draw attention. You know how they love to say an addiction is an addiction all the time, right? Well, when I discovered QuittingAdderall.com and read your stories and insights for the first time, I immediately took comfort in knowing that there was a community of people out there who understood how our addiction to Adderall is unique after all. Not necessarily more or less challenging to overcome than an addiction to alcohol or heroin, for example. Simply a different condition that requires different approaches to combat.

    When I used other substances like booze or weed or Xanax and even heroin for a time, the reason was to resign from life. Plain and simple. "I don't want to try anymore," my mind would tell me. "What's the point? Leave me alone." Adderall, on the other hand, has the opposite effect on me. I take it to engage in life. Sober, the world is a woefully dreary place. Everything lacks flavor, color, and texture. I have no perceptible purpose. In fact, I can barely remember what it even felt like to harbor interests and pursue goals before Adderall. It doesn't even seem possible to summon real, organic enthusiasm for anything. I'm also not the natural extrovert I've spent my whole life wanting to be---the kind of person who's effortlessly motivated to meet new people and try new things and spend time in new places. Once Adderall came into my life, however, my inhibitions were at long last lifted. Suddenly I felt overcome with excitement. People were finally noticing me, it seemed. I felt spontaneously compelled to read and write for recreation. I no longer dreaded the company of others.  Since then, I never needed to learn how to socialize or develop interests on my own because I had found the magical elixir that did those things for me. (An honest marketing campaign might read something like "Personality In a Pill.") And yet the world still mistakenly believes Adderall is dangerous exclusively because of its prevalence on college campuses and in academic circles. Yes, it elevates focus. But that's not why I'm addicted. I don't have ADHD. There's nothing medicinal about the way I use it in a clinical sense. I take it because I know of no other way to be the lively, interesting, charismatic person it brings out in me.

    In Mike's description of "The Challenge," he says the goal is to wake up feeling like Superman without Adderall, but I worry that ship has sailed for me. Once Adderall is subtracted from my life, I have no clue who I am anymore. Even worse, I lack the motivation and courage to bother figuring out who that person once was to begin with. What if he's just the shy, anxious recluse he's always hated? Why is the undrugged version of me such a bore? Again, my compulsion to use stimulants stems from a desire to actively participate in life, not to submit to its hardships and wait out the clock. I'd go back to drinking and popping Oxy if that were the case. And even though I'm aware that the perceived personality Adderall gives me is largely an illusion, I've yet to find a satisfying alternative. It's all I've got for now. Why can't I simply get out of bed each morning, clean and sober, take a shower, eat breakfast, go to work (I don't have a job),  talk to people without succumbing to a panic attack, work out, come home, go to sleep, and do it all over again? Why isn't that good enough for me? It appears to be good enough for most, right? Did Adderall ruin me? Did it break me for good? Because that's how it feels.

    Adderall the Study Medicine? For many, yes. But not as it concerns my addiction. In my case, I rely on it to rewrite the parts of myself that demand correction. Without my Personality Candy, however, I'm lost. The motivation to create and succeed? The bravery it takes to connect with people? The confidence I need to carry a career? How am I simply supposed to learn these skills after roughly a decade operating under its influence?

    Please, fellow speed heads, surely you must empathize with my alarm. How did you address your obsession with Adderall? Does it get easier? Are there techniques? Are there groups (specifically in NYC)? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. You people are my best shot.

    Best,

    WiredTiredUnhired

    • Like 3
  9. Greetings Everyone,

    First, here's a brief introduction. I've been familiar with this site for at least a year by now, but today I'm proud to say I finally decided to open an account!* (I'll be posting my story after I complete and post this entry.) I've wanted to be a regular participant on this site because of the hope you all inspire each time I recognize a piece of myself in your stories. This is something I could never get out of 12-step recovery, despite the last seven years I've spent attending AA meetings pretending to believe in God so as not to draw attention. You know how they love to say an addiction is an addiction all the time, right? Well, when I discovered QuittingAdderall.com and read your stories and insights for the first time, I immediately took comfort in knowing that there was a community of people out there who understood how our addiction to Adderall is unique after all. Not necessarily more or less challenging to overcome than an addiction to alcohol or heroin, for example. Simply a different condition that requires different approaches to combat.

    When I used other substances like booze or weed or Xanax and even heroin for a time, the reason was to resign from life. Plain and simple. "I don't want to try anymore," my mind would tell me. "What's the point? Leave me alone." Adderall, on the other hand, has the opposite effect on me. I take it to engage in life. Sober, the world is a woefully dreary place. Everything lacks flavor, color, and texture. I have no perceptible purpose. In fact, I can barely remember what it even felt like to harbor interests and pursue goals before Adderall. It doesn't even seem possible to summon real, organic enthusiasm for anything. I'm also not the natural extrovert I've spent my whole life wanting to be---the kind of person who's effortlessly motivated to meet new people and try new things and spend time in new places. Once Adderall came into my life, however, my inhibitions were at long last lifted. Suddenly I felt overcome with excitement. People were finally noticing me, it seemed. I felt spontaneously compelled to read and write for recreation. I no longer dreaded the company of others.  Since then, I never needed to learn how to socialize or develop interests on my own because I had found the magical elixir that did those things for me. (An honest marketing campaign might read something like "Personality In a Pill.") And yet the world still mistakenly believes Adderall is dangerous exclusively because of its prevalence on college campuses and in academic circles. Yes, it elevates focus. But that's not why I'm addicted. I don't have ADHD. There's nothing medicinal about the way I use it in a clinical sense. I take it because I know of no other way to be the lively, interesting, charismatic person it brings out in me.

    In Mike's description of "The Challenge," he says the goal is to wake up feeling like Superman without Adderall, but I worry that ship has sailed for me. Once Adderall is subtracted from my life, I have no clue who I am anymore. Even worse, I lack the motivation and courage to bother figuring out who that person once was to begin with. What if he's just the shy, anxious recluse he's always hated? Why is the undrugged version of me such a bore? Again, my compulsion to use stimulants stems from a desire to actively participate in life, not to submit to its hardships and wait out the clock. I'd go back to drinking and popping Oxy if that were the case. And even though I'm aware that the perceived personality Adderall gives me is largely an illusion, I've yet to find a satisfying alternative. It's all I've got for now. Why can't I simply get out of bed each morning, clean and sober, take a shower, eat breakfast, go to work (I don't have a job),  talk to people without succumbing to a panic attack, work out, come home, go to sleep, and do it all over again? Why isn't that good enough for me? It appears to be good enough for most, right? Did Adderall ruin me? Did it break me for good? Because that's how it feels.

    Adderall the Study Medicine? For many, yes. But not as it concerns my addiction. In my case, I rely on it to rewrite the parts of myself that demand correction. Without my Personality Candy, however, I'm lost. The motivation to create and succeed? The bravery it takes to connect with people? The confidence I need to carry a career? How am I simply supposed to learn these skills after roughly a decade operating under its influence?

    Please, fellow speed heads, surely you must empathize with my alarm. How did you address your obsession with Adderall? Does it get easier? Are there techniques? Are there groups (specifically in NYC)? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. You people are my best shot.

    Best,

    WiredTired Unhired.

    • Like 4
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