Lawyer

Thanks. I started 40 mg of Strattera today. It was a rough first day. Initial nausea, followed by feeling groggy all day. Going to stick with it for at least 30 days though, with hope that things will improve.

Anyone have any experience with Strattera? I’m desperate to get off Vyvanse. But based on past experience, I don’t believe cold turkey is a realistic option. I may ask my doctor about a non-stimulant medication like Strattera. I don’t have any expectation that Strattera will be anything like Vyvanse...I don’t want it be. But I am so conditioned at this point to think that I must be taking a pill from a pharmacy. So I think a substitute medication could perhaps help, at least during the months after quitting Vyvanse. I am also considering stacking the Strattera with Lion’s Mane, L-Tyrosine, and Citicoline. Maybe sometime soon I can just go au naturel, but I’m over thinking this has to happen right now. The most important thing is getting off Vyvanse.

Advice needed. I’ve been on Vyvanse for about 5 years and badly want to quit. My biggest obstacle is that I can’t bear the withdrawal—the lack of motivation and focus and fatigue. There is also some depression and anxiety, which is exacerbated by my inability to perform my job well. I often think I actually need stimulants, but I’m damn sick of them. I want off. But I have to continue to function at a decent level. For these reasons I am considering asking my doctor for Wellbutrin to take once I transition off the Vyvanse. I would like to go completely cold turkey, but just being realistic, I know that I need some help; otherwise I will just go back to the Vyvanse. A mild antidepressant sounds much better than tweaking on Vyvanse and then crashing. I am somewhat nervous about asking my doctor for Wellbutrin. When I see him every few months, I tell him that the Vyvanse is working great—even though it hasn’t been. Now, all of a sudden, I want to immediately quit and begin an antidepressant? Not looking forward to this conversation. Any advice here regarding Wellbutrin?

Feeling less optimistic today about throwing my prescription away. There is part of me that is convinced that I need it and that, if I could only commit to taking the prescribed dosage, everything would be fine. A part of my attempt to quit is based on the premise that I will eventually find a new job. But I am worried that this is just a delusion on my part. Ideally, I just want off completely. I want my personality back. I want my mind to be free. Someone convince me that I won’t be able to stay at proper dose and that I shouldn’t even want to regardless.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies and for the prayers. I started out about 4.5 years ago on 40 mg per day. Within about a year or less, I began re-dosing. To resolve this problem, I had my dosage increased to 50 mg per day—my idea being that, at this level, I wouldn’t dare re-dose or even desire to. I was wrong of course. In short time I was back to the same habit. Three weeks is about the longest I’ve been off the medicine, but I consistently go two weeks a month off of it. I’ve known for a long time that my pill consumption is unsustainable, but I kept putting off quitting. But now is the time. I actually just flushed my new prescription down the toilet. What a feeling! So to even get a refill I would have to call my doctor and lie about losing it. I won’t sink to that level. This next decade, 31-40, is crucial for me. I have to put this behind me. I have to be there for my family instead of chasing perfection at the expense of my mental and physical health. I’ve done enough off the meds to know I can survive, even though it will suck at times while I stare at my machine and that blinking cursor in a silent office. But I’ve realized that being an antisocial hermit is not a recipe for success. It’s worth a hit to my work product to be able to communicate and build relationships and see the big picture. I’m amazed at how insightful the content on this website is. It has really cut to the core of my issue and given me the needed confidence to put this behind me for good.

I started taking stimulants in undergrad to cram for finals. It worked well. I did the same in law school, but more frequently, and it also worked then. So when I started practicing law, I obtained a Vyvanse prescription. Five years into the medication, I find myself in a spiral. I am burned out, antisocial, miserable, and stuck in a bad job (and perhaps profession) that I do not like. I can’t—but certainly should—believe that I’ve gotten to this point. Whenever I run out of my prescription early, the withdrawal sucks, and I’m worthless at work. But I also eventually feel much better (outside of work) and start enjoying life again (again, outside of work). I’m a better person without the medication in every truly meaningful sense. This gives me hope. But during that period the work piles up, and I eagerly refill my prescription when the time comes. I love that first day back on the medication. This vicious cycle continues...month after month after month. I want to quit but am terrified of attempting to work daily without it. It has helped me produce work product that I believe will be unattainable without the medication. This work product is now expected from me. In addition, even basic organizational tasks have now become difficult for me without the medicine. But I have to quit. There are more important things in life. And the side effects will only get worse if I don’t, including depression and anxiety. In communicating with people, I am actually more confident and articulate off the medicine. The returns of the medication are rapidly diminishing. My most immediate obstacle to quitting is that I just don’t see how I can survive the withdrawal phase in my profession. I don’t have time for prolonged lethargy. I wish I could just quit my job and find something that I find more engaging and/or meaningful. I find the practice of law to be boring and tedious but still very demanding. I really don’t like it. There’s a good chance I’m doing what I do because of the medication (the 7 characteristics of Adderall users are eerily on point for me). But since I have a family to support, quitting is easier said than done. If I only had to support myself, I would take almost any job, rebuild myself, and then pursue something I actually want to do. Are there any other lawyers who have had similar struggles? I don’t see how anyone does this job without stimulants. Ultimately, aside from my lack of self control and discipline, I believe a combination of perfectionism and utter boredom has led me to the pathetic state I am currently in. I usually sit in front of a computer screen for 10 hours a day composing legal documents. It feels like a 21st century purgatory. Why did I choose this? If only I was capable of self-reflection when I was 20-21.... Right now I have a prescription to be filled at the beginning of next month. I want to throw it away. But I keep justifying not doing so by telling myself I have a major brief due soon, which I do not believe I can accomplish unmedicated and certainly not during an acute withdrawal phase. I know these excuses will just continue each month. I’m almost willing to just toss it and deal with any negative consequences. If I crumble and have to rebuild, so be it. I’m not meant to live like this. I can’t even connect with God on this crap. It feels like a battle for my soul at this point. But this feeling will subside when I am off the meds, and I will refill. Anyone have any advice? I want to escape my isolation, regain normal thought patterns, sleep naturally, laugh and smile with ease, discover and attain my natural life goals, stop gritting my teeth to the point where I can’t eat a chip. I want to have meaningful friendships. I want to interact with my wife and children without feeling like a zombie. The list goes on and on... My good days when I am off the meds and past the most acute withdrawal phase give me hope. But I don’t fully trust myself.