tuneum
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Posts posted by tuneum
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I took 130 mg today, and I've taken far more than that during my stupidly-short (yet not short enough) life span/relationship with this horrible drug.
you are not alone, and I'm really happy that you are here/have posted ! I am non-binary, but I, like any other person of any gender (masculine/feminine/gender-fluid/non-binary.....), have also struggled with appearance/weight, so I completely understand that horrible, uncomfortable feeling of being without the drug that temporarily allows us to ignore our body dysmorphia/ED/our physical appearance !!
Unfortunately, I have had to experience both physical withdrawal and 'adderall' withdrawal recently, and I am so glad that I have; nothing else puts the reality of quitting adderall into perspective quite like going through actual (meaning physical; not psychological) withdrawal . I think the scariest thing behind any addiction is not knowing who you will be / how to cope with the real world without a substance
if you need a friend to talk through this / rant about the confusion and fear / just needing a friend ! , i'm here, and I hope we can be friends .i am sending you all of the biggest hugs i can muster . all of us will be okay , one day .
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Where can I find the "5 signs you know you're ready to quit" that you mentioned in your post?
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On 5/16/2020 at 6:12 PM, sweetupbaaby said:
Also, I have entirely lost my sense of humor and this is scaring me. My wit use to be on point and now there is not a funny bone in my body.
Yes! I literally lost the ability to even laugh-- I felt so drained of energy that just smiling was exhausting. It got to the point where I started responding to my partner's jokes with "I'm sorry-- that was funny, but I just don't have the energy to laugh right now"
Good luck on your journey-- I am rooting for you.
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On 6/5/2020 at 7:06 PM, sweetupbaaby said:
I totally relate to discovering life without Adderall is not what I expected. So much newness...but it's raw...and most of the time, deathly boring.
Yes-- the boredom of life is something I'm still learning to sit with (like everyone else).
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On 6/5/2020 at 5:35 PM, my_former_shadow said:
After a lot of thinking, I feel like this is the saddest and most difficult part of the journey -- coming into a life that your true self doesn't want at all.
This broke me. Thank you so much for your post; I needed to be reminded of all of this. Wishing you all the best-- please reach out if you ever need a friend.
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do you mind if i ask how slow your taper was/how many weeks/months it has taken you?
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I've had to go through some long withdrawals (1-2 weeks) many times in the past, and the fatigue/exhaustion I experienced was just too severe for me to handle/function. I was sleeping 16+ hours most days, and caffeine pills/energy drinks did nothing to help. I'm able to get myself to do the bare minimum-- like taking a test for a class-- but was barely functional beyond that.
I've been seeing a TON of posts from veterans here saying that tapering almost never works, and I don't want to be another failed tapering thread, so my question is this: why do you think tapering doesn't work? I want to just get off of this horrible drug now, but going cold turkey has consistently made me non-functional. I binge my adderall right now, so I'm also not sure how tapering would work, but am going to try
Thanks for your help!
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On 10/13/2018 at 3:02 PM, WiredTiredUnhired said:
New Yorkers, is this page still active? I could really use the company of someone who really gets what this is like. If so, please don't hesitate to reach out. I just opened an account on this forum so this is all still fairly new to me.
I just moved to here, and am also new to the forum- have you found anything yet?
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On 12/31/2017 at 1:45 PM, Frank B said:
Well after a months time still feel this supplement is beneficial. Id actually compare the results to Wellbutrin. No it’s not a magic pill but yes it does help with depression. I’m going to continue taking this maybe test out a little higher or lower dosage see what happens.
Were you taking Wellbutrin to get off of adderall?
I'm currently taking 2 150 mg wellbutrin pills a day as a way of staving off adderall withdrawal. Not sure if this is recommended/helpful, since I know it is KIND OF stimulating
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Ugh. I had an eating disorder for a very long time, and was, at one point, hospitalized. I had to go through a lot to get to the point where I was ok with my weight, but after starting a night job/turning 21, I started drinking almost every day, and gained way too much weight.
I weigh your exact same weight. I'm 22, though, so I cant blame my metabolism, and feel really horrible about how I look now
I knew I was getting fat, but this was a punch in the gut
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On 8/8/2017 at 3:09 AM, Lovebear said:
Thank you! Great post. I'm coming up on one year sober, and I finally am myself again. It took 11 months in bed. I thought I was ruined. I googled "ruined my brain" at least once a week. But PAWS ends.
Jesus, I seriously can't imagine 11 months of that
I want to quit, but I not only cannot afford to lay in bed for 11 months, but I seriously think I would rather kill myself than go through this for so long
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On 8/2/2017 at 2:22 PM, Lizzie said:
I needed to read this today! Its been 3.5 months and since I quit and I haven't been able to get back some of the things I use to love. Ive also gained 10 lbs which isn't helping with the depression. Anyway... thanks for the post. It's important that I remind myself this is temporary.
This, to me, is the most terrifying part of quitting, and I'm not sure I can do it.
I feel like such shit without adderall that every waking moment is just miserable. I seriousky can't handle that for 3.5 months.
I also know that I had a major depressive disorder before the adderall, so what happens when the adderall withdrawal depression is gone? I'll just go back to feeling regularly depressed, but this time, I wont have adderall to make it any more bearable
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Your comments about "getting fat" seem to suggest that weight gain is an unavoidable reality when quitting adderall, which, for people with body dysmorphia/related mental health issues, can be a terrifying prospect. I'd love to hear from others who went a diff. route / made a significant effort to not gain weight
Also, I have no idea how to cut my doctors off. It's a walk-in clinic, so I get a new one every time, but they're just so lax and care so little that they legitimately will continue prescribing to me if I come back next month and say I "changed my mind" and I "dont think now is the right time to quit"
Flushed my pills, cut off my doctor, and am starting to regret it
in General Discussion
Posted
I quit drinking about 4 days ago, and I pushed through the WDs and made it to day 2 without dying/seizing. I was starting to feel better that morning, so I took my regular dose of adderall- 40 mg in the morning, then, when that wore off, another 30, and another 30 after that, and a final 30 mg dose around 8 pm, topping it off at 130 mgs in total.
Of course, what I was noticing throughout the day was that, after the initial high wore off, I was hit with a severe, crippling wave of depression/hopelessness/despair, and I could barely get myself to do any of the productive shit I /actually/ needed to do. When the end of the day came around, and when I realized that now I was going to have to endure a horrible, sleepless night/anxiety-filled day the next morning, I panicked; I needed this to stop, but I didn't have any way of coping with the comedown. I caved, and I bought more alcohol.
Before I drank, however, I realized something: 1.) I have never successfully been able to take my adderall in moderation, no matter how convincingly I try to tell myself that I can, and 2.) that my depression gets unbearably bad when I'm dealing with the adderall COMEDOWNS, and that I've been using alcohol to deal with that for a long time now.
Yesterday, I finally did what I've been trying to do for a long time; I flushed my pills (save for 5, which I said I'd save for 'emergencies', but which I promptly took the next day, like the idiot that I am). I faxed my doctor a statement saying that I was quitting and to please not prescribe me anymore, and I left it at that.
Today, I feel myself regretting this decision. I haven't left my room for almost a month now-- I've been binge drinking and contemplating suicide and generally isolating, and I feel physically and mentally like the most disgusting piece of shit alive. I have no friends or family who support me, and I don't think I've spoken to a real person-- besides my therapist-- in months. I don't know if I can do this; I feel like fucking garbage, and I don't know how I'll have the energy to deal with the backlog of shit I've put off in the weeks I've been isolating without that adderall boost. I'm scared, and I don't know what to do/how to get help.
That's all. I'm scared. I want to kill myself. Thank you for letting me rant.