[Dallas: Frisco/ Little Elm/ The Colony]

I’m in this area, would be willing to do a Zoom meet up if anyone is interested.

[Just exhausted.]

I just now read in another thread your post sweetupbaaby about your exercise and diet regimen, so it looks like you’ve got those bases covered! I have one more bit of advice that may help. Fatigue comes easily when replaying negative thoughts in the mind. As difficult as it can be to accept sometimes, the reality is that I have free will, and I can think whatever I want. All negativity is an illusion that only holds weight if you accept it as true. When I consciously detach from all these inner-labels (“I’m a lazy loser”, or “I’m pathetic”, or whatever else), I feel better within minutes. I visualize negative thoughts being pushed away from my being, until they dissipate entirely.

This meditative practice has “magically” improved my mood many times and so I just thought I’d share.

[Just exhausted.]

Hi,

I’ve been off addy nearly 60 days now and have been experiencing the same extreme fatigue. I know how it can be a real challenge to be even slightly productive, I really sympathize with you. Before adderrall, I remember I was happiest and had the most energy when I was consistent with my exercise routine and ate more food that nature provides directly, so I decided to force myself to go on long walks and improve my diet. I also bought a juicer and started a 10-day juice cleanse beforehand which did provide me with a great deal of energy and motivation, it lifted my mood substantially. I even came close to the adderrall high one day. So, my recommendation is really watch your diet, eat as much simple natural foods as possible, and find a way to get some exercise. Also, be kind with yourself. It’s easy to resort to self-criticism and feel shame for being lazy, but your brain is repairing itself, and you are doing a great thing for yourself by not taking the drug. That takes a lot of strength and you should be proud of yourself. Hang in there, take it one day at a time, I promise things will get better. Things have a way of working out. :-)

[Juice cleanse]

Since quitting adderrall over a month ago, I did a 10 day raw juice cleanse (25% fruit and 75% veggie). It helped me tremendously with focus, energy and lifted my mood when coupled with Vitamin D intake from 1-2 hour morning walks outside. No heavy exercise the first few days though, to avoid migraines. After that, regular exercise and consistent diet to maintain. 2-3 cheat meals a week. Although, I didn’t maintain this last week and gained some weight back. So, I’m starting another cleanse Monday. 

Does anyone care to share their story with a cleanse or diet/exercise routine that diminished their adderrall withdrawal?
 

 

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

3 hours ago, letsgetzooted said:

Thank you for your quick reply. I feel better knowing someone has shared similar experiences. Well.... I was 14 days in and took some today. I feel like a horrible failure. It's like how many times do I have to try it once more to quickly remember why I want to quit? That cannot be good. 

 

So you quit cold turkey and are 40 days in... how often do you crave it? I would love to hear more about your personal journey. Hopefully you can be my inspiration. 

Thank you for your honesty. It’s okay that you relapsed. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Remember that the journey of a hundred miles begins with the first step. But once you reach 10 miles or so, you likely won’t be thinking about taking the adderall nearly as much. Sure, there’s always a risk of relapsing. But it gets easier. Do you really want to commit to quitting? Flush what you have down the toilet. Tear your prescriptions up. Don’t go back to the psychiatrist. I did that once and it did helped a lot.

I don’t crave it nearly as much as I did those first few weeks. The craving still kicks in every now and again. When I recognize those thoughts that cleverly try to convince me it’s okay to just take a little bit of adderrall, no matter what the reasoning may be, I separate myself from those thoughts, and push them further and further away from my mind. I visualize them dissipating. I keep doing this over and over. It really does work for me. 

if you have any other questions, I’d be happy to answer.

[Almost 11 Months!]

On 5/28/2020 at 10:14 AM, JennyF said:

Hi everyone,

It’s been 10 months and 3 weeks since I took my last pill of adderall.  I took somewhere between 60mg and 80mg both IR and XR even though I was prescribed only 30mg XR and 15mg IR a day.  I was on it for 5 years. 

I just wanted to hop on here and thank everyone for their posts and for sharing super valuable information.  I am 100% confident that I would’ve not made it this far if it wasn't for this forum.

I also wanted to share a few things that have helped me this far and that could help you:

1. Lower your expectations on how you are going to feel and your productivity for the FIRST ENTIRE YEAR.  Since my last pill I have had more bad days than good.  Months 1 - 3 were hard BUT 4 - 9 were unbearable.  The anxiety, the depression, the exhaustion, the anhedonia are incredible.  Getting close to 11 months I'm finally starting to feel a little productive and happier (some days :))

2. Put your recovery FIRST.  No matter how much pressure you feel to be productive or get out of bed, always think that nothing is more important than your recovery and that the ONLY way to recover is going through this process, giving it TIME. I have done the absolute minimum during this time and I have come to terms with it.

3. Do not put ANY pressure on yourself.  Many times I felt that I needed to get out of bed and be productive or go to the gym (I gained a lot of weight) or do laundry when I felt like doing nothing.  I would get so frustrated and that made me want adderall even more.  DON’T fall for this.  You are in a temporary process, just go with the flow.

4. Educate yourself - understand PAWS: Knowing what is happening to your brain and your body is SUPER important. Through my recovery I have had more PAWS days than good days but they are finally starting to ease up. People relapse thinking that they are going crazy and that they’ll never be able to function like a normal person again but that’s not true.

5. Weight gain: I was so hard on myself for gaining 30lbs but you shouldn't.  Just accept it and know that this is temporary and you’ll be able to lose the weight once your energy returns. I’m slowly starting to lose it now that I have more energy to exercise and no longer have the crazy hunger. 

I hope this helps some of you. And remember… there is  NO OTHER WAY out than going through it so you just have to keep going! 

 

Jenny, thank you so much for sharing. This is hitting very close to home for me, especially your point #3. I am on day 40 and have been really hard on myself for my lack of productivity. The pandemic has caused me to lose my job, and most days I have barely any energy even to do my own dishes. I’m the type of guy that worked 60+ hour weeks, went to school and worked full time, I’m so used to getting things “done”, so when I’m not, it’s a challenge to not to go into this mindset of feeling worthless. You are right, I have to be realistic about what’s really happening, my brain is repairing itself, and it’s not productive to berate myself for not being productive.

How do you feel now, compared to when you were taking the adderrall? 

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

28 minutes ago, letsgetzooted said:

Can I ask you.... are you completely sober and don't use anything else to continue these "natural experiences"? If you wake up and feel tired... do you drink coffee or do you think that is bad? It sounds like you try not to rely on anything at all..... And I guess I do agree with this, although I feel I am not quite there yet. I do rely on people, I rely on food (I have left overeating disorder mentality which makes quitting even harder), I abuse alcohol sometimes when I feel insecure. Yeah adderall is the same thing. But if I am still struggling internally and using things to treat that in other ways, why is there so much emphasis on Adderall? Isn't that the least bad for me especially when compared to alcohol or nicotine? I guess I do not agree that forcing my brain into an unnatural state is unhealthy. I don't see anything wrong with having a crazy productive tweaker day once a month. But the reason I am here is that it got WAY out of hand. Clearly still is if I am clenching my teeth with tears in my eyes wishing I could pop a pill that is sitting in my car because I am an idiot and let my psychiatrist talk me into a refilll...... 

Isn't temporary relief ok? Don't we all need that? Isn't that what a vacation to Mexico is? But yeah I realized yesterday the only thing getting me through the 30 days is knownig I can take it again. I am losing site of why I don't want to take it. 

 

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Do any of you know chemically speaking if taking Adderall 2 weeks after quitting will reset the detox even if it is a small dose? My withdrawals are not that bad and I have a hard time believing that a small dose will undo all of the progress. I am in graduate school and stressed AF. I do not have the luxury to "take it easy the first 30 days" and am drowning and could potentially lose a lot if I don't complete this program well. Maybe now isn't the time to quit cold turkey, rather become mindful of why I need it and take less. I am lost. Please help. I am 2 minutes towards relapse. 

forcing your brain into an unnatural state can be beneficial temporarily to give you an experience of “other than”, ie breaking free from the loop of depressive thoughts that I was talking about. But once you’ve had the experience, you have a point of reference that you didn’t have before, so for me, the most beneficial thing I can do is find a way to achieve that state without the drug.

I was in grad school (eventually withdrew) and was completely overwhelmed and can imagine how much relief the adderrall can provide. But what would happen if you didn’t take it? Do you really think you would lose everything? There has to be way to keep afloat, even if it means taking caffeine or something more minimal that doesn’t overload dopamine receptors. 
 

 I still drink coffee, yes. And I still on occasion eat unhealthy food or more recently use Kratom for pain relief, and yes, this is not ideal. I’ve only just quit adderrall 40 days ago, and I’m okay with using these things temporarily to fill the gap that’s missing for adderrall - I’m not taking the adderrall, and that’s a win. I’m slowly weening myself off, it’s a gradual process. I could just go cold turkey and quit everything, but realistically, the chances of maintaining that forever are slim, so for me personally, letting go of unhealthy things slowly and gradually is key. 
 

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

6 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

the problem with this logic is that your addicted mind could very easy rationalize anything if it means getting back to the pills. a 30 day detox simply becomes a drug vacation if you've already decided you're going back to the pill after it's over. if you really want to test yourself, try a 90 day break.

Sleepystupid, you make a great point here. There is no limit to the rationalization a mind will conjure up in order to avoid letting go of something that provides temporary relief. This is why so many of my drug vacations were successful, because I told myself, “just stop taking it for 30 days, then as a reward you get to take it again, and it’s gonna be an awesome day!” I get through the 30 days, I take the pill, the pill wears off, then I’m back at square one. It’s like being on a treadmill, essentially. No growth, just perpetuating a cycle that doesn’t get me any closer to living the life I want to live.
 

I am in awe of the strength and wisdom of the people in this forum - I’m grateful to have an outlet to share what I’m feeling anytime I sense I’m on the brink of relapse - having that outlet enables me to take a step back and say, “no more. I’m putting this drug behind me, and that’s that!”

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

18 hours ago, letsgetzooted said:

I have a similar question, EthericTraveler. I have been taking adderall for 6 years but for the first 5 only took it once or twice a week. Year 6 is when I became absolutely dependent and addicted (taking 100mg + per day for some weeks) and chased the high rather than using it to be productive.... 

 

I am still not convinced my life will be better without it and although I am detoxing for 30 days, I still want it in my life a few times a month. I believe that if I can live without it, it will be okay to take and enjoy every so often. Is this mindset messed up?? I want to get back to where I was before I became dependent. I did not look forward to taking it, just took it when I had 100 things to do and needed to focus. 

 

Do you think I am not ready to quick if this is my mindset?

Letsgetzooted, I was in a very similar space as you. A while before I went back to once a week usage, I told myself, “okay, adderrall once a month is fine.” I was trying to convince myself that adderrall used in extreme moderation, and used with the intention of facilitating my own inner work to overcome trauma (and not used as a means to escape from reality) was perfectly healthy. But even still, something was off. And then, it hit me. Why do I feel like I’m back at square one, even after all the adderrall-induced inner-work I’ve done?  I realized that anytime I am relying on some outer thing, (be it a drug, another person, food, alcohol) to achieve a particular inner-experience, I am not really learning how to achieve that experience naturally... I’m putting on the training wheels so to speak. So whether I take it once a week, or once a month, or once a year, it is unhealthy for me, because it is forcing my brain into an unnatural state, which ironically creates more suffering for me in the long term, its not teaching me how to self-source, stabilize and achieve joy through natural means.

thats not to say that adderrall did not serve a useful purpose in the beginning. I was in a severe, almost catatonic state of depression - sometimes a “jolt” is necessary to get a footing into healthy, balanced living.

I hope that helps. :-)

 

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

I’m curious. I’d like to ask you guys, has anyone here quit after only using the drug regularly a few times a week (as opposed to daily) care to share how you realized it was still detrimental for you and your road to recovery? Or direct me to a good related story already on the forum?

[Almost relapsed. Thank you all]

Hello everyone.

A heartfelt THANK YOU to each of you for sharing your story.

a little recap. For about 2.5 years I was taking Dexedrine, then adderrall only 2-3 times a week. I never took it daily. I used it in conjunction with psychotherapy to help me become aware of unconscious traumas and begin to heal. It actually did serve a useful purpose in the beginning. I actually did manage to break free from a decade long depression. But it now has no purpose for me.

I posted here back in January that I was done with adderrall forever. That determination lasted a little over a month or so, before I felt this overwhelming sense of dread and relapsed. That first day taking it, I justified it because I said, “but, I’m only taking 20-40 mg once or twice a week. So, it’s fine.” Wrong. Although this justification lasted a while, I decided again to quit again a little over a month ago (early June) and felt those pangs of justification again this morning. I decided to read some of your stories on here and I decided not to. I’m done with the constant highs and lows. I’m done with burning my future potential all for some clarity and relief right now. And I’m confident that I can achieve a greater sense of well being WITHOUT the drug, through meditation, attachment with thoughts that lift me up rather than bring me down, diet and exercise. I’ve forgotten what my brain was like before the influence of adderrall, even from not using it every day. I can’t imagine the withdrawal for those who take high doses daily, my heart goes out to you. Stay strong, everyone. 
 

peace

[Adderrall "HIGH" after quitting]

I'm curious if any of you have come close to feeling/experiencing the same adderrall "high" you felt while on the drug naturally after quitting? And if so, care to share how? Ie juice fasting, exercising, homeopathic treatments, therapy,etc.

[How are you feeling today?]

I've been clean for a month and a half now - it's tough. When I'm on the drug, I feel like myself, I feel like there's hope to live the life I'm destined to live. The drug has motivated me to do volunteer work, finish my degree in the field I love... But without it, I feel like I'm not myself. I feel so weighed down. Making better choices in terms of eating right and exercise helps, but it's still not the same. 

 

Ultimately, I quit, because although the drug does trigger a conscious realization of my true self, eventually I went down a rabbit hole and ironically didn't feel like I was living in my own body due to tolerance build up and feeling like I wasn't there. Everything inside me told me enough was enough and that I had to quit before I ficked up my brain permanently, so I did.

[I’m quitting Adderall!]

Thank you for sharing your experience! 

[I’m quitting Adderall!]

Hello everybody. I’m so grateful this forum exists. So awesome to read all the success stories.

Im quitting Adderall. I’ve been taking it on and off for the past 3 years, and although it did help me break out of my extreme depression in the beginning, I have recognized that I am relying on this outer drug to achieve an inner experience, and that’s no good. It’s like training wheels for me at this point, and it’s not helping me grow. I’ve also started noticing this numbing feeling in my mind, and it sucks.

A year and a half ago, I quit cold-turkey for 8 months. I remember how much more “real” I felt and was so much more creative and there was more inner-peace overall. I relapsed when I observed how difficult it was for me to focus on things at work and I “justified” going back to it by telling myself that focusing was incredibly difficult and if I didn’t take the drug, then I was letting my sense of pride get in the way of resolving the focus issues. My oh my, how clever and manipulative these inner-voices can be... not gonna happen again. 

All my best to each of you with your continued recovery!