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sage

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  4. Any other moms ABUSE adderall? - the guilt

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    i’m just looking for those whose story is similar to mine ...!

    i am an older mom of an 8 & 5 year old.  

    i don’t take adderall, i abuse it.  2-3 times a month (2-3 days awake followed by 2 days in bed). they know i love them immensely but i’m not present in my time with them.  Ive wasted years that could be enjoying them.  i only enjoy being high. happy 

    They are the reason I HAVE TO QUIT but having so much trouble doing so.

    sad situation.. 

    • Like 1

  6. Finally Posting ~ i cant stop!!

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    This will be a short post - longer one later - when it is NOT 3am & i am on night #2.  wow - the shame!!.  i’ve never actually written something about my addiction.  Just now when typing it that i go on 2-3 all-night benders then reading back over it,   it felt such embarrassment.  

    i have young children you guys!, but their birth didn’t change anything (except when i was pregnant). i was an addict before & then after they were delivered i eventually got back into it.  I dote on them when i’m “good” but when i’m high i prefer to play on my phone, clean, etc.  And yes, when i’m all over the place i will dig through the garage & come up with weird crafts to do with them.  ridiculous 

    So during those 3-5 days —                      3-ish days of taking nearly 1/2 of my entire Rx,  then the  2-ish days of sleeping off the those sleepless nights —                              i know they sense something more than the “story” i live by (as far as they go).        I tell them i have migraines —which i do — but i say it is the migraine meds that make me all energetic (tweaky), then different meds that cause me to coma sleep for a few days following. 

    Really short history:  i’ve been doing these 2-3 night binges each week for over 10 years. During that time I have quit 25+ times.. usually for 1-2 months but once 4 months & like i said the 2 (9) months periods when i was pregnant. 

    It seems it was actually the 1st time i fully quit (for 5-6 months) that it got so much worse once i fell off the wagon.

    So ANYWAY, would love to hear from anyone - especially those that used to do the  crazy binges - versus those who take their prescribed dose as indicated, but have been on it so long that they too are dependent (not saying it’s any easier to quit in that siruation)!.   (i wish i could take a normal dose lie i did the 1st 2 years, but that is long gone . Before having children, i actually had 3 (THREE) doctors i was getting them from.. that was only for 2 months, then i went back to seeing a mere 2 doctors (“good job sage” - pat self on back - eye roll). 

    Basically i am a functional junkie - that soccer mom (kids in private school, husband with very good job, who can’t get her life on track because of these f*cking orange pills. I feel powerless. Adderall has essentially ruined the last 10 years of my life - especially not ever being in the moment with my children - i just go through the actions & im losing my time with them.

    well that was an adderall takers ramblings - plan to be sober when i read any replies.  

    i just took a large dose of advil PM with the hope i can sleep. i hate the day after i have been up 2 full nights - that’s when the “weirdness” sets in.

    thanks in advance for putting this group out there.  adderall is no joke. im am so thankful to have found my people.

    sage 

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