Nicky_B

I do believe in God, but there are many aspects of God and His ultimate plan that we will never understand. A good analogy is to compare our knowledge as human to God would be to think of it as a dog trying to do calculus. A dog has amazing abilities such as an incredible smell (and many other talents) but it will never be able to do calculus. In the same way as human beings, we are provided natural talents, but there are certain levels of understanding that we will never have in our lifetime such as understanding the Plans of God. I have a son who is your age who did not believe in God due to a very difficult experience that he had to go through. I have done this many times with people who had no believe in God. I told him to pray, and say these words, "God if you are real, please show me who You are in a way that I will understand that you exist"...and God did show him in a way that only he understood that he was real. I have made the choice many years ago to have God lead me on a daily basis and what I am to do next. He is the ultimate Captain of my ship He alone sets the course of my life. I have tried to manage my own life many years ago and I ended up wrecking my ship on the rocks. After the disastrous experience of my ship wrecking on rocks through my own ignorance, I decided to do something different and to follow His lead for the rest of my life. Congratulations Invenitur in succeeding in your endeavor to never take amphetamines again.... slow and steady, wins the race... just keep doing what you're doing and take it one day at a time....and you will eventually look back on this great journey that created a life that you could've only dreamed of!! Wishing you the best, my friend Nicky Button

Ivenitur - I tried to taper and it didn't work for me because I always came up with excuses on why I needed another pill. I instead concentrated on one simple thought, "For the next 24 hours (or 2 hours or 30 minutes or 10 minutes) if I can resist taking adderall I am victorious even if all other parts of my life are falling apart, and the only thing I do is just simply exist - (but all other parts of my life got much better over time)". I have kept this Zen like focus for over 2.5 years (up to today) and I will keep this focus for the rest of my life. Because I know as soon as I lose this focus and I take adderall that my life will quickly devolve into the mess that it was for years. A friend (who is an alcoholic) of mine gave me a very valuable motto, which was "one is too many and 1000 is not enough".. I am cheering for you friend!!! -Nicky Button

I completely agree with Sleepy's assessment in that there is a person on the other side of Adderall that you will become that will make you proud and empowered. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Sometimes it's just accepting things in life and coming to peace on those things that are out of your control. I am praying for you brother. Please hang in there and fight for yourself, since you are worth it!!! Invenitur --> You are such an amazing writer. I am thinking that your experience quitting Adderall would make an excellent book. -Nicky Button

Sometimes especially the first few days throw the pills away immediately!!! It's better to take baby steps and make it through each hour and distract yourself with massive doses of Netflix and other distractions that you can find other than going back on and amphetamine. if someone in your household is taking the drug, make sure they hate it or lock it in a safe, so you have no access to it nor are you seeing people use the drug. You all can do it...but this is a marathon, not a sprint, so be patient with yourself and focus on the single thought of not taking Adderall again....everything else is optional. ~Nicky B.

I tried to wean myself off several times, but to no avail because of stress at work. I finally made the decision that my life was more important than my career and I went cold turkey and I've been off Adderall for 2 1/2 years now. The good news is that it is possible to pull off going cold turkey, but it will be bumpy in your career and that's just the price you're going to have to pay unfortunately. I work for a fortune 25 company which can be high stress along with high expectations. I think that if you can pull off the first 90 days you're fine the rest of the time very doable, but in my case I had to take naps at noon for an hour and order to keep up my first few months. I guess I think that if your wife is a solid woman that you wanna be with the rest of your life, then the sacrifice will be worth it even if you end up getting canned in the process and have to look for a new opportunity with another company once you get cleaned up and off the drug. I think for many of us we have a leg in a bear trap, and we have to make the choice of giving up the leg or saving our lives. Sometimes there are no easy answers when you're dealing with Adderal. It's so much easier to find another job, then to replace your soulmate... A friend of mine, who is an alcoholic told me one day, "one is too many and 1000 is not enough" when it comes to anything, you've been addicted to in the past. Best of Luck...you can do this friend!! Nicky

Sorry to hear of your situation tarheel. I can only speak from my past experiences, and perhaps this might not relate to what you're currently going through but I would be extremely careful in your situation. I have heard of many women who have used a frying pan to smash their own face then call the police right afterwards to gain a conviction of domestic abuse in order to get the children and also put the man in a very vulnerable situation on many different levels. I was fortunate that a friend of mine, who was a professional psychologist who I served with in the army years ago, warned me that the next time that I was alone with her, I would likely be leaving in handcuffs. from that point on, I was never alone with her, and would only communicate by text, which was my saving grace in the end. She did falsely claim domestic abuse against me in a civil court to gain custody temporarily of all four of my children since she had bruises on her hand, when I try to get my keys back to escape on the many occasions that she physically attacked me. Although she is much smaller than me, I could've easily pummeled her. I chose the highroad, and never did physically retaliate for these attacks in the past. She also tried to have me arrested when a friend of mine delivered Christmas presents to the children when there was a restraining order against me so you cannot underestimate what depravity people in this state of mind will do to you, regardless of how evil the act might seem to you. It's very difficult to understand the Makavelian nature of women or men that are depraved in the situation, but be assured if you leave yourself vulnerable you might end up with your life ruined very quickly by false domestic violence charges. There is a group called "been there got out" that specializes in helping people that are married to Narcissists that has helped me tremendously over the past few years. Fortunately, I have very little contact since I divorced my ex-wife and do I do not see any change in behavior with her in the future whether she is on and off amphetamines because she is a narcissist at the very core of her nature. I think when folks are in relationships with these types of narcissist, that we end up under their "spell" and it's very difficult to get perspective on the dysfunction and manipulation that is almost a constant experience with these types of people. Needledd to say these narcissists, when they're on amphetamines seem to super charge their evil, and very dysfunctional behavior in my past experience. you might've been married for 14 years, but you would be surprised how these types of Narcissis are continually acting, and there are very few occasions where they truly show who they are to others but when they are on amphetamines, the mask comes off very quickly compared to other times in their lives. I wish you the best and I can relate to your situation which I hope you can safely leave without ruining your life. Best Wishes, Nicky B.

Broken - first I'm sorry that you had to experience such a tragic and horrific situation with this person. I could honestly tell you that you are living in my former life and I can relate to every single thing that you talked about in your post. What I found was my ex-wife was really a narcissist with a personality disorder and the person that I fell in love with was fake and was a complete act. I know it is hard to believe that a person can act like someone they are not for this long but again with narcissists this is typical behavior and eventually the mask comes down. I would be very careful with the situation because you might face a reality of her hitting her self in the face with a frying pan and the police coming to your door and you being dragged out in handcuffs right afterwards. You cannot underestimate with a narcissist (especially one on Adderall ) will do to you once you go from her Knight thst saved her to now someone they hate. I was lucky in that although there was a close call or two she did not get me arrested and I did not do anything wrong criminally. It is going to be an expensive and painful situation separating yourself from this person but I can assure you that your life will be me much better if you move as quickly as possible away from this very destructive and evil person. You will find that no matter how many promises she makes they will be broken and no matter how many times you take her back it really doesn't make a difference because you're dealing with a fantasy and someone that you fell in love with it wasn't ever real. A narcissist is bad enough as it is but once you put a narcissist on Adderall it's super charges both their extreme behavior and their evil deeds that they normally have no problems acting upon. God bless you and please stay safe!!! -Nicky_B

I wanted follow up to my earlier post to let you all know that I have been off Adderall for two years now and I have successfully divorced my evil ex-wife that was hell-bent on destroying me. I have found a tremendous woman that I've been with that literally makes all the suffering and heartache that I've been through over the years worthwhile knowing that my broken road led to her. I am also thankful that I met her when I was not taking amphetamines so that she can see truly who I am and not the person who had robotic behaviors and attitudes as well as extreme anger in situations that did not require that type of emotional response. Wishing you all the Best!!! Today is my two year anniversary of not taking any amphetamines!!! Nicky_B

I just wanted to tell everybody thank you for the support and the encouragement that this user community has provided to me over the last two years. two years ago today I made a decision to never take amphetamines again and to throw away my Adderall and just go cold turkey. for me it was the right decision because I could never taper down from taking Adderall and I would always find some excuse to take some more. I was never physically addicted but I believe I was very much psychologically addicted and when I did not take Adderall I felt completely drained and unable to function. like many have commented on for the first 90 days you just have to be willing to be a bump on a log and not really be functional at all but that's OK because in the end run it will pick up speed and it'll be worth your time to go through the difficulty of dragging through yourself through the first 90 days. while on Adderall I felt like either I was a robot and I didn't have any emotions or my anger would flare up and I would react in a very negative and angry way towards things that didn't require the level of intense emotions that I displayed at the time. quitting Adderall was one of my best decisions that I've made in my lifetime and I have made sure that my son does not take any amphetamines for his ADHD but treats it naturally with Pinebark and other natural supplements. My life is not perfect but I'm for happier and far more in control of my life and I see myself with a bright future and I have a beautiful woman that I'm with now that makes my life very enjoyable. my life is not perfect but I'm far happier and far more in control of my life and I see myself with a bright future and I have a beautiful woman that I'm with now that makes my life very enjoyable. please don't give up quitting Adderall and amphetamines your life will be so much better for it but just be prepared for the ups and downs that happen during the time in which your body and your mind adjust to the lack of amphetamines. The post below really help me understand the different stages that my body would go through so I wouldn't be frustrated in the process nor have unachievable expectations during my recovery. I wish each and everyone of you the absolute best...NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Sleepy - thankfully when CPS got involve when she scratched my 15 year son she almost lost her RN license. She will be a practicing nurse practitioner soon so she now realizes that I really don't care if I lose $$$ in alimony over the next 20 years that is not worth the price of seeing my children abused and I will report her into CPS again if there are any signs of abuse in the future. Because my son is 5 foot 10 and she is only 5 foot tall I think they gave her a free pass on the physical altercation with him. That being said the next time around there is no way they're going to let her slide and her life will essentially be over at that point. If Cps does make a finding of confirmed child abuse which I'm sure they will the next time they investigate her life is essentially ruined permenantly and she realizes it now. When I talked to my son after the incident I commented to him of what a nightmare scenario it was to be on the receiving end of her physical abuse. He told me that that it wasn't a nightmare what it would've been if he would've lost his cool and put her in the hospital which he easily could've done if he chose to do so in that altercation. (he is a strong football player and a good kid!). I totally agree with you how Adderall changes the person that you are even on minimal amounts dosages to something that is a natural . In my case I was very robotic with flatline emotions. I have laughed more over the past three weeks than I have in years after being off Adderal for 3 weeks now. These forums have been a Godsend and how to approach quitting cold turkey and how to be successful over the long term. For me I think that quitting Adderall is kind of like the Spanish explorers that made all the men get on the beach then burned his ships so there is no turning back. Half-hearted measures always end up in disaster..." either do it or don't there is no try" Yoda

Thank you for sharing your story I really appreciate it. She is very intelligent and could of been taking other medications without my knowledge before I left the home about a year ago. Because the cancer forced her into heavy radiation treatments she had to take massive doses of thyroid medication since she does not have a thyroid glad that is functioning. I have read research in which if your thyroid is too low or too high it can also cause massive mental problems in a person which may have contributed some to her delusional and paranoid behavior. Once she went into one of these "spells" it would literally take her about three or four days to get back to normal. My son who is now 16 years old has seen me physically attacked by her almost a dozen different times (even though I could easily physically overpower/hurt her). Who in their right mind would intentional hurt the mother of your children and my only wife I've ever had a dedicated to for 20 years..is a total nightmare scenario! I did not think that I woukd ever divorce my wife but most people would not have lasted the three years of hell that I went through. I'll always love her but living with her now (even if she was clean and sober) I know that if she ever fel off the wagon the concerted evil that she could bring on my life that almost destroyed me the first time around. It is literally like dealing with PTSD from her previous behavior even if she did by some miracle get clean and sober. I would liken it to being married to a suicide bomber that still had the suit of dynamite but makes the decision everyday to not sqeeze the detonator. No matter how rational and calm they are you realize that they're wearing a suit of dynamite regardless. Again I just do not want anyone to experience what my family went through because I believe there is no coming back once a certain threshold has been crossed (and she surely crossed that many many months ago). I think in many cases she doesn't care if she destroys herself and everybody around her when she goes into these demon possessed "spells". Then when she is not in one of these spells she is burdened by her guilt and her conscience so that she is not able to admit anything and come clean. At this point I need to keep my children in mind and they need to see what a loving relationship looks like so they can hopefully have as normal of a life as possible in the future. i'll always love my wife but that ship has sailed and is not coming back to the harbor in the future no matter what happens from this point forward. All I can say is it is certainly an avoidable tragedy by not allowing Adderall/stimulants in your lives and I hope that others do follow my families footsteps into destruction.

Thank you for sharing your story. Until you see someone experience the paranoia, confusion and delusional it is impossible to describe the level of horror in this scenario. I for one realize that when you considered ending you own life that this was a real credible threat. So thankful you survived this experience and were humble enough to accept the help you needed. For my wife she might not use stimulants for a month or two but when she uses them it is similar to an allergic reaction to the medication. She also has a history of becoming incredibly angry/belligerent on phosphatidyl choline which is a common supplement available in most vitamin stores. So she has a genetic background of being allergic to things she has taken in the past. I have asked her repeatedly to stop taking stimulants and get help which has been rebuffed then normally followed ip by delusion allegations that I'm losening the lug nuts on her tites to kill her and other fantasy scenarios. But at least we know that with prayer that all things are possible...thank you for keeping us in your prayers!

Thanks speedracer I appreciate your prayers. If my story can help one person either choose to not take adderal or permenantly stop taking adderal it would bring purpose to the pain it has brought to my family's lives. The worst part is to witness the pain that this drug can bring to your children and this is something I'm going to have work at rectifying my entire life. Some balls bounce when you drop them and others break once the hit the ground....Adderal can take the bounce out of many of your balls in life and makes them far more breakable....

i've been married for 20 years and roughly 4 years ago my wife decided we should try to treat our attention deficit disorder with stimulants. I originally thought to myself that this was a potentially dangerous experiment but she insisted and because I was weak I went along with the plan. At that point in life we had been married for 16 years and had four children as well as a fairly normal life but we weren't the most productive people due to our deficits in attention. About year after beginning stimulants I started noticing our fighting getting worse and I do remember one very vtrip to Minneapolis in which her anger went off the charts beyond anything that I've seen her doing in the past. We had 6 years earlier gone through a deadly cancer and all sorts of horrific events that went into the treatments but stimulants in the end were more terrifying and more destructive to our marriage and our family in the end It felt like I was losing the person that I married and the slow loss of her humanity on a daily basis. We went into a counselor to address her psychosis/dissosocoation events who then explained the disassociation that she was having and how the stimulants along with stress were the source. He warned us that if things don'y chane that it would get worse (it it got far worse). She completely blew off this explanation and would not talk about it and instead attacked the man's character who we have known for many years. She also refused to get off stimulants due to the boost that it gave her in college. Her violence got to a point where I really felt like I was going to you lose my professional and personal life since she was so out of control. The final straw came when she was physically violent with my 15-year-old son and I had to call Cps and police. Again this was not the actions of the woman I married but of this person that had lost their humanity and their grip on reality due to the use of stimulants. Many times she would do things like hide my clothes or destroy my things and she would lose all of her memory of what happened or where she put things so I went through multiple shoes and sets of clothing over several months. Her anger and her distractive behavior that were fueled by her delusions got to a point where I had to literally sleep on my keys/wallet and a locked suitcase in my van that was cabled downup with clothing to go to work in the morning. Even when I was sleeping in the basement on the couch she would come down at 3 or 4 am in the morning ranting and raving (sometimes physically throwing heavy objects st me) over some imaginary thing that never happened. She would become so worked up by these scenarios in her mind and would become instantly violent to a point where there was no way I could resolve the arguments and had to leave the house to escape her. My poor children watched this situation devolve and I can't tell you how destroyed I am as a human being to see the impact of stimulants on our lives. I have voluntarily chose to not take Adderall any longer and I am been clean for three weeks. Thankfully my use of adderal was only 20 mg a day but even at that low of an amount Adderall change the way that I perceive the world and reacted to others especially in the area of anger and frustration. I felt that I had no choice but to move out and file for divorce and she has been her usual destructive self and I have not seen my children for over a year now due to made up charges against me. I still believe that she is addicted to stimulants that she uses to treat her ADHD and that her psychosis is still very active. She tells my children she thinks I'm going to kill her (I have no criminal background at all nor have I physically abused her) and makes up all sorts of imaginary things that I've done in the past or I will do to her in the future. When we did go into one counseling session briefly she ened up screaming and yelling at me in the waiting room (because I would not walkout side with her without witnesses around)! with patients present so loudly that the manager of the office almost called the police on her. She then blocked my van with her van in the parking lot so I could not leave and had to take an Uber to escape.. Once a person goes into this type of psychosis from stimulants you cannot predict what they're going to do and I was very scared that she was going to self harm herself and then accuse me of hurting her so after I left the home I would not allow myself to be with her without witnesses. There has been so many crazy situations that she's caused and so much damage that even if she wants to get clean I don't think it would be possible to put the marriage together again in the future. I just want to provide a voice of warning of even when stimulants are legally prescribed by a physician they can take a person, their spouse and children down a road that is a nightmare. I guess one of the blessings in disguise is that there is no way I'm going back on Adderall because I clearly see the damage that is it caused and I would rather destroy all parts of my life in order to accomplish the mission of getting off that drug and other stimulants rather than contribute futher into our cycle off misery. I feel fortunate that I was never really addicted but used the adderal as a crutch at times in order to gain more productivity for my own selfish career desires. For those of you that are considering or not to quit Adderall or other stimulants please do take my story as a warning of what can happen in the future. I would not wish this much pain, anguish and heartache on any other human being. Please keep me and my family in your prayers and do not give up on yourself. Best Regards, Nicky