[Anyone have experiences quitting a low dose to share?]

Thanks,  speedracer and sleepystupid! I really appreciate your perspective. 13 days today! This is the longest I've gone without taking it in many years-- even before I had a prescription, I still took my friends' pills a few times a month. It feels good. I also cancelled my appointment with my psychiatrist today, knowing that I'd be tempted to ask for a refill. I'm still having trouble on a day to day basis (my sleep has gotten really bad these last few days), but here are the MAJOR upsides I've been experiencing:

-The great relief I feel at being able to trust that the thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing now are really MINE, not the byproduct of a drug. I might be a foggier version of myself, but at least I am myself, not a projection of a chemical.

-Not feeling like I'm holding in a big secret about being on a drug all the time.

-Not being anxious wondering whether or not I'll ever have the strength to quit. Look ma, I'm quitting NOW! 

-The evenings. Instead of a claustrophobic, anxious, crash feeling, I roll into the evening feeling about the same as I had felt all day.

-The ability to truly relax. Even while "winding down" on adderall, I was still clenched because of the lingering effects of the drug. Even though I'm sluggish, it's actually quite pleasant to loosen the laser grip I had on every waking moment. 

-Not having to deal with the physical side effects: The gross smelling sweat, the weird breath, the headaches and dehydration, etc

Another thing that is helping me is reminding myself that COVID/quarantine is a blessing because it's facilitating my ability to quit. Given the state of the world, everyone is pretty low performing right now. Now, off to try to meet my deadline...

[Anyone have experiences quitting a low dose to share?]

Hi all, first time poster here. First off, I'm incredibly thankful to all of you who post on here and make me feel less alone! I'm currently 10 days clean and struggling a lot.

My (boring) story: I started taking adderall in college to study a few times a week but never had any real issues stopping. I continued to use it casually a couple times a month when I was under a lot of pressure for several years after that. About 3 years ago I finally decided to get myself a prescription, stupidly thinking to myself: "You've been taking this casually without developing any kind of dependency for YEARS. Now you won't have to ask a friend when you want it! You'll just have it on hand whenever you need it." I was working a high-pressure full time job, and I was pursuing a successful creative side hustle as well. Within six months, I not only was taking it every day, but I felt like I NEEDED it to even make it through the day. I was constantly being rewarded for overworking myself, and I felt on top of the world. That lasted a very brief period, though-- within a year or so, I was still feeling exhausted despite taking adderall every day, I completely lost a sense of what I was motivated by, I started to feel alienated from my boyfriend, I constantly felt like I was teetering on the brink of a crash. My work started to suffer. Adderall scrambled my brain and my sense of time. I was late for everything and even more scatterbrained than before the adderall. Plus, every single day I felt like a junkie, sneaking off to the bathroom to sprinkle a few more XR beads into my hand and licking them off. 

I've hated this feeling and I could only see it getting worse as the months went by. I've been trying to quit for a year now, but most of the time I can barely make it 2 days. But I know now is the right time for me to stop: I quit my stressful, unfulfilling day job right before COVID. Because of quarantine, I don't have a ton of work at the moment and I don't have many responsibilities. It's fine for me to take naps every day. It will never get any easier than this. 

I KNOW how powerful this drug is and how hard it is to quit. I somehow thought it would be easier, though. For one, I never really abused it -- I restricted myself to 10-20mg per day. And I've only been on it for about 3 years, so I don't have the intense prolonged adderall wiring that some people do from using for a decade. And yet I'm struggling SO badly. I have no energy. I can't force myself to do work even though I have a deadline this week. My digestion is awful. I'm cranky and constipated. I'm forgetful and lazy. I can barely respond to an email.

I know that it takes time and I'm being impatient. But does anyone have experience quitting a lower therapeutic dose, and does anyone have any experience or words of encouragement to share for getting through work assignments these first few weeks?

 

 

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