jlg789

I feel so blessed right now that I found this group. I am at the lowest point in life bc of my adderall addiction. I struggled in school all my life, but my senior year I was put on Adderall XR and it was great! My grades went from D’s to being on honor roll. Not only did the adderall make me focus & engage in class, I liked the feeling! The rush. I was always shy & adderall just gave me this extra boost of confidence. I loved adderall!!! Fast forward 4 years.... I was starting night classes & still taking my XR 30’s in the morning but I knew that would wear off and I needed it for school. So my doc prescribed Adderall 20 IR. About a year later is when the Abuse started. I loved how it made me so excited & focused to be at work and school, I was always more confident when I took it. I LOVED THE FEELING IT GAVE ME!!! One day I just decided to double my dose bc I loved the feeling so much..Not long after that...I was running out before my next script..buying from other ppl, stealing pills from friends & familys bottles...completely out of control. I knew I had a problem but i really just ignored it and didn’t care. I needed it. Until now..5 years later. I can not keep living this way. My life is a wreck, my mental health is terrible. I feel so stuck and trapped. I get my script and it’s gone in a week. It does not even help me anymore. I’m not motivated, I stay up for days, I’m scatterbrained most of the time, I want to feel that RUSH & euphoria it once gave me. After I come off my binges, im extra tired for a few days but after a week, I start feeling like myself again. And I LOVE it. Yet, I’m still picking up my scripts every month and binging, when I KNOW im just going to abuse them, I’m going to feel miserable the whole time, Im not going to get that rush I crave. I need help I don’t know what to do. Why do I keep doing this to myself.. My family knows something is wrong but they don’t know it’s bc I’m abusing adderall. I’m in counseling for depression, but I haven’t been truthful about the Adderall yet. I’m so happy I found this group I really just need support from people who understand this addiction. Will I ever stop doing this to myself!! I WANT to stop doing this to myself- any support or advice on what to do would help