sirod9
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Posts posted by sirod9
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On 11/26/2016 at 10:44 PM, eckoangel said:
Hi All!
I quit a week ago today, yay! I've been on it since I was 15 and I took it for 15 years total so this is a huge adjustment. It's been a rough week but I'm feeling good with my decision and it needed to happen. However, I am suffering from extreme bloating and constipation. I look 3-4 months pregnant because I'm so bloated. Did anyone else have this? How long did it last? Any suggestions or things i can do/take to help?
Thanks a lot!
This is normal and it will take a while for your body to adjust. for constipation, buy "Calm Magnesium Citrate" powder, take double the serving size, and you will go number 2. you can use that once or twice a week to help with constipation. get a good fiber supplement, and make sure to drink lots of water. Adderall messed my microbiome up (not sure how, but it did) and it has taking a while to get normal. The water weight will subside. Ultimately, you may gain a lot of weight, a little weight or no weight, it all depends on your habits and behavior. I gained a solid 20 lbs, but I'm not made about it.
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23 hours ago, Teresa said:
@sirod9...I'm 61 and past menopause. I remember when I quit years ago I was finally ok. I think part of my problem is my husband has been doing our yard. It's been 3 years. I'm so sick of it. He won't get help. And he's a hoarder. I just want simple and clean. We've been married 33 years and I'm not giving up although it plays in my mind. I'd have enough from a divorce to live a nice quiet life that I'd regret. Oh the brain. "NOT TODAY SATAN!"
yeah, that does sound difficult to deal with. I'm happily single, but being coupled has its pros.
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On 8/4/2023 at 2:17 PM, tjzen said:
Sirod how are you feeling these days has your mood improved or are you in a similar place?
Thanks for sharing
I'd also like to share an interesting observation. As I began healing more, and having less to no PAWS, my Adderall cravings increased. which is odd - but makes sense. I guess without PAWS reminding me of how awful Adderall is, the parts of me that I still need to work on, that led me to abusing Adderall in the first place, are still present. Working on it daily!
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On 8/4/2023 at 2:17 PM, tjzen said:
Sirod how are you feeling these days has your mood improved or are you in a similar place?
Thanks for sharing
Not at all! I'm feeling much better. for instance, I cleaned my apartment yesterday with no issue. I mean, I'm not always into cleaning, but I'm better at executing plans these days. Sometimes I will have a lazy day or afternoon, but nothing like where I was earlier in my recovery. Thank you for the reminder of where I came.
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it takes time to heal, that means you are going to spend much of your time feeling like shit. go back to stims, and you will throw yourself back even further. I remember 9 months being a particularly difficult time for me, then around 12 months it was hard too, all the up until 18 months. then things really started improving in bits. I just hit two years, and I'm doing much better. Ask yourself where you will be in 8 months if you do use? and then consider where you will be if you decided to stick it out. I also want to point out that hormonal changes for women will worsen things. Adderall threw me into early perimenopause, so I had to seek out a doctor who would test my blood and prescribe hormone replacement therapy. it has helped tremendously.
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Hi Sprad -
This sounds right, after a year, things go down hill. I was chained to adderall for around 6 years, upping my dose until my highest daily intake was between 90 to 200 mg a day. I found outside sources (black market) for when my script ran out. I ran up terrible cc debt, spent ungodly amounts of money on nothing, and spiraled. I kept it together enough to keep my job, but towards the end of my use, I was very close to loosing that too. I will be 2 years clean August 1st. it was HARD, but I was ready. The longer you stay on adderall, the longer your Post acute withdrawal will be. I experienced PAWS even at 18 months clean. I still have "foggy" days, but things are so much better. My world did not collapse because I quit adderall. I kept my job, I did not become obese, and I did not have permanent damage. or at least nothing I haven't been able to cope with. I still crave the drug occasionally, but that is part of recovery. learning your triggers and working through cravings. learning new ways of coping with life's stresses.
Read through this site and begin your quit journey. Good luck to you.
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On 6/28/2023 at 1:00 AM, Teresa said:
I'm there too . I have to quit and I can't seem to get it done!!! Makes me so mad at myself.
Mine have passed. They will always pop up, but I think it is just something we have to get through. If I caved and used, I would be absolutely miserable right now. So I will take the occasional discomfort of cravings over the hell of active use.
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Hi Everyone!! So, my two year quit anniversary is approaching (Aug 1st) and I'm noticing that cravings have increased. During the first year, I had very few, if any cravings. I was mostly dealing with intense PAW symptoms. Now that I have fewer PAWs symptoms, I'm suddenly grappling with an increase in intense cravings!! I run the tape through, and choose NOT to use, however, that little voice keeps popping up and random times and tries to suggest using adderall would somehow be fun, or a good idea.
Which is total bullshit, I know. I guess I'm reaching out for support. I know what happens after relapse...and non of it is good.
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Good job on hitting 7 months. I will be at my 2 year mark on August 1st, and I still have occasional cravings. But I run the tape through. We used daily for years, I think it will take years to re-route our patterns.
Also, don't be discouraged when you hit periods of post acute withdrawal symptoms. around my 1 year mark, I went through a terrible period of symptoms. I felt like I was in the first few months of withdrawal again. then it gets better, then you hit a snag, so on and so forth. It is a very slow process with leaps and bounds of progress, sometimes followed by setbacks.
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19 hours ago, risingpheonix said:
My dear sirod9 - how are you doing? I feel like I have so much to learn from you and your wisdom. I almost always read quittingadderall on my phone and not on the computer, and I somehow can't log in from the phone, so I don't comment. But your support and insight here is invaluable. You are a good soul and your wisdom no doubt helped more than one person through the dark night (me!) How is life for you?
I once read a thread here by a guy who decided to quit and who came back to write regular updates on certain anniversaries. It was super interesting. He ended up finding Jesus, something I don't expect for me, but his updates were still so encouraging to me. I am thinking it would be great if more people can do that when they are further along in their journey.
So how's it going for you?
@risingpheonix - Same to you. We all help each other, and being able to give support and encouragement to others directly helps my own recovery from adderall. I'm doing well! Moving! and spearheading the whole thing myself, Stim free! I will have two years on the first, hallah!!
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This is awesome! So happy for you
- I feel like we have a lot in common in this journey. so glad to see that we both stuck through the 1-year depression. In hindsight, I see my previous adderall use as "borrowing from tomorrow, to escape today" and not accepting that life is often times hum drum. Accepting the way I feel, day to day, is freeing.
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You will feel good again, I promise!! Just be where you are and know, it is temporary. Heck, even feeling good is temporary. Try to take some time to yourself and sit with the feeling, without judging it or putting labels in it. Try to get in your body, and feel it. Imagine you are a room, and your inner world is in that room, your feelings fill the room. acknowledge how the energy (feeling) feels. Does it feel heavy, sharp, empty, etc. Imagine compassion is sitting outside of the room. Acknowledge its presence. Does it have a color? is it a person or thing, a being? Maybe it is female, a cat or dog. maybe it is a bright sky or a cool breeze. Once you acknowledge compassion, see if you can invite compassion into your room. into your heart. Compassion for yourself and your situation. Play with this. Maybe next time you can invite hope into your room, etc. The point of this is to learn how to move through this difficulty without using. without making bad decisions that will ultimately make your situation worse. Learning how to accept ourselves "as is" and move through difficult days, weeks, etc. is the thing we need to learn to do. Because not being able to accept ourselves, and move through difficulty is what got us in this mess!
If anything, know that you are in the dark days of quitting adderall. What you are going through is totally normal and to be expected. It will get better, the brain heals slowly.
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Me too. constantly worrying about running out, and how I could swindle more. I'm so glad I'm not completely consumed by that stuff anymore. Keep in mind, sometimes all of the supplements in the world will not fast track healing. You have to "walk through the fire" so to speak. Just know, I've totally been there and IT DOES GET BETTER. it takes a long time. I remember when I was approaching my year mark, I felt terrible. I felt like I had just quit. the post acute withdrawal symptoms sprung up out of nowhere and lasted a few months. I was so bummed because I was expecting the year mark to be better. it still took a while. Now, I am SO GLAD I QUIT. I thank myself often for quitting because I did "future me" a huge solid. Keep going!
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Hi Teresa - Just a little background on my adderall (use and quit) journey. 43 y/o woman. used very high doses of adderall for approximately 6 years, give or take. with an 11 month break somewhere in there. On July 31, 2021 was my last dose of adderall, and I have been clean ever since. It was VERY HARD. I feel your pain. I too, took supplements during my initial withdrawal, and the following things really helped:
- cordyceps, magnesium, LOTS of water, I did a few NAD+ infusions (google them, expensive, but they helped), all of the vitamin bs
Another thing that helped was psilocybin mushrooms, microdosing. if you are open to it, and can find them in your area, I highly recommend them. even with all of the healthy eating and supplementing, I still had terrible days, weeks, sometimes months. I'm approaching 22 months clean, and the last few months I feel much more normal than I have during my whole quit. Even at a year, I was still struggling with terrible PAWS symptoms. Just keep going. One of the things that helped me quit adderall was I'm getting older, and entering perimenopause. My hormones are fluctuating, and I don't bounce back the way I used to. I have since begun using bioidentical progesterone, along with cycling estrogen cream. Replacing fluctuating hormones has helped me greatly!!
Good luck on your journey. and if you need tips, support, or just have questions, feel free to ask, or IM me
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Hi Choosingme -
I read your story. I used anywhere from 90 to 200 mg a day over a 6 year period. I wasn't in school, but I had/have what I believe to be a mentally demanding profession, though I am on the computer all day. I have been off of adderall for 20 months. It has been difficult, but I cannot imagine not quitting. Like you, my health declined, mentally and physically, I was depressed and lost, I had wracked up A LOT of debt, and ignored my true wants and needs. It will take years to clean up that mess!! Even my teeth took a hit. Had a lot of decay and issues to fix. Now my teeth are much better!!
My advice - this is what "choosing you" looks like:
Begin taking care of your health, even while taking Adderall. Begin eating healthy, getting enough sleep, stop the Adderall binges, only take it in the A.M. and a booster in the afternoon. Look into supplements to support your system while you are still using stimulants. Drink plenty of water, quit alcohol. This will help you immensely when you actually quit.
consider putting school on hold. Adderall changes our personality to an extent, makes us think we want this and that, and makes us think we can do more than we naturally can, or even should. we often ignore our inner-self to chase "adderall dreams." Then we come out of it deeply in debit, physically and financially. take a break and get back in touch with yourself. The schools will still be there when you are ready.
Find support outside of just this website. Find a good therapist, look into addiction support groups. Find the family member or friend you can talk about this too. Let your closest friends and family know you are struggling with addiction. If they are true, they will be glad you confided in them and will support you during your quit.
As for your current job, Initially, I had to take a week off of work. and take it VERY EASY on my self for a long time. But we were still working from home at that time. Luckily, I have been with my company for almost 10 years, and they are understanding. I spoke with my manager and let her know that I was coming off of a prescription medication, that there is a long withdrawal period, and I had my therapist ready to send a letter (if needed). I let my work know that I may not be performing to the degree I was for a while. You will be surprised, people are understanding. I still have that job, and was promoted. but it was HARD at first, I'm finally feeling self motivated, when before I had to force myself with many breaks in between periods of exertion.
It was and still is hard, 20 months clean and I still have days where I don't want to do anything. But it is getting so much better. IT IS WORTH IT. I can feel myself coming back "online" and I'm slowly cleaning my life up. There are still days where I wish I could take adderall to plow through stuff, but I remember how miserable I was, and depressed. How much damage it did to my body, brain and teeth. and the craving passes.
It will only get worse if you keep taking it Unfortunately, choosing you means turning away from what you think you want while on adderall, and making decisions that benefit our physical, and mental well being in the long run. those are hard decisions to make, because at first, it seems like everything is falling apart. but in the long run, it is the best decision you can make. And, You may come out of this still wanting to become a physicians assistant. and you can pursue that.
There are many supplements, and lifestyle changes that can support you while you quit. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you have a faith, or a spiritual side, I suggest turning to that too, for additional support.
Feel free to IM me if you have questions or need support.
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So, I had to go back and read your story before I replied. First off, congratulations on getting so much time under your belt. That is huge! I took very high doses too, and went cold turkey, it is not an easy route. You are young, and have your whole life ahead of you, but I bet you feel so low that you can't see that. Okay, from reading your story, it seems like you have had some pretty big realizations about how you handled day to day life. Such as the addictions to video games, porn, escapism through social media. Being able to recognize this is a positive thing and a huge opportunity. I feel like our society doesn't give young folks, or older folks, any emotional support. We have to find support ourselves.
I don't think your situation is post acute withdrawal. Possibly unearthing the reasons behind your addictive behavior can be like shadow work, and if we don't have the tools to make changes and get proper support, we are left with the thing we were trying to escape this whole time, ourselves, the moment, some deep seated sense of unworthiness. Which is all the stuff we need to heal in ourselves. the "thing" that pushed us to using, which we are often unconscious of.
In short, I think you are "in between" a realization that you have always escaped through various means (including adderall), and truly understanding the reasons why you escaped and healing those parts of you. This stuff does not happen over night and you should seek out support. Proper counseling (finding a good counselor that doesn't just want to push prescriptions on you). Something like psychotherapy. Also, if you have ever had interest in amazon plant medicines, or have been called in any way to these modes of healing, you should look into that. Ayahuasca helped me immensely. But if not, there are other ways.
Either way, I think quitting drinking and smoking, continuing to get proper nutrition and exercise, and getting proper assistance to help you heal your emotional world will be what ultimately serves you having a good life. Also, be really kind to yourself, because the relationship you have with yourself, is the most important relationship you will every have.
Wishing you peace.
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Do you always feel this way, or do you just have "slumps" short periods of time where you feel like crap.
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OMG - I could barely get out of bed on day 9, let alone do what you say you did in one day, then write about it in detail. Keep it up, because continued adderall abuse will just create further damage.
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8 hours ago, quit-once said:
Thinking back to where I was at 18 mos post quit, I was still taking the supplements L-Tyrosine, Lions Mane and red bull. I kept the Tyrosine on hand for a few more years to help manage the occasional bout of depression or PAWS. I would have a couple of slumps a year, still do, just not as intense or as often. I think quitting smoking would also affect how you feel so hang in there. PAWS will eventually not bother you anymore. Enjoy your newfound freedoms and way to go for kicking the cigs!
Thank you, Quit-once. It is just helpful to know that this happens, it is not unusial. "Slump" is a great way to describe it. Could you share what brand brand you used for L-Tyrosine?
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I'm venting and seeking support. I'm 17 months clean off of adderall. Over the last few months, I have felt pretty damn good, but I occasionally experience what feels like PAWS. bouts of PAWS. They are not as long as they used to be, but boy are they frustrating. Each bout begins slowly, as though I begin a slow decent into quicksand. Then, it peaks for 24 to 48+ hours, then a slow ascent back up to normal. Right now, my current bout began slowly next week. Then on Friday, I sunk throughout the day and I'm still in the worst part of it.. I'm experiencing the following:
- fatigue
- my body feels heavy
- scattered energy, thoughts
- can't execute plans
- my plans go all over the place
- low mood
- anhedonia
- increased hunger
- my chest feels heavy
so, here I am. a few weeks ago, I felt great. I have been feeling really guilty and bad about this, because I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I asked my boyfriend if he experiences this type of mood, he says yes. And tells me it is normal. But I'm not sure. it feels like I just quit a month ago. I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I have to just accept this and try to enjoy it I guess. This is going to happen, and I no longer have a drug to turn to.
Also, I quit smoking last week, with the help of nicotine patches. I guess that may be contributing to this crappy feeling??
Looking forward to 18 months, looking forward to feeling better again. Ugh!!!
I hope everyone is having a good day.
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Hi newseason. This is a tough one, because there really is no way around it. However, for me, not having access to the drug helped. I cut off my prescribing doctor and my "street connect" was no longer available. I think if I had a secret stash or a way of getting it, that may have made cravings much stronger. Also, I quit a few times before, but I wasn't truly serious inside, so I did not cut off my doctor, therefore my cravings were unbelievable and I ended up getting my script filled.
In short, there really is no way around or out of cravings - you have to go through the cravings. There are ways to manage or at least assist with withdrawal symptoms, and I think that if you are eating a really unhealthy diet and drinking, dehydrated or just low on vitamins/minerals, that in itself will exacerbate withdrawal symptoms, thus increasing cravings. Even with integrating healthier eating habits, exercise, supplements, etc. you still need to get past your own attachment to the previous unhealthy habits. So, being kind to yourself is key.
One thing that helped me A LOT in the first 4 months was getting NAD+ infusions. Google it. I believe I got 4 of them. They are pretty expensive, so it may not be feasible, but you can shop around for a less expensive option if you like. But they did help with the intense PAWS I was experiencing, which helped alleviate strong cravings.
Good luck to you! If it helps, know this - Things WILL improve. I've been off of Adderall for 16 months (90 to 200 mg a day for 6 years) and I woke up this morning without that terrible foggy heaviness, I'm in good spirits and almost ready for the day. This is how waking up in the morning should be naturally, no pill needed. I'm so grateful I quit.
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On 12/17/2022 at 7:35 PM, tjzen said:
This is great advice thankyou for sharing I am on month 5 and feeling glimpses of joy and Lil bursts of energy especially when I drink my first coffee and while working out.
Month 4 was very tough the snow started and I was starting to lose patience with feeling sad for such a long time.
Short term memory is still a major challenge remembering my address, phone number, even how to spell my name is a challenge some days.
I was a polyaddict for 10 years and quit adderall, Canabis and alcohol July 14 2022 this is my first winter sober in a long time.
I appreciate all the advice from this forum during this difficult process.
Impressive quit, tjzen! I would suggest supplementing with vitamin D. My doctor tested my levels, and they were low. Considering you live in a cold winter climate, you may be low too. I began taking Jarrow Formulas Vitamin D3, and it has been helping so much! Your memory will slowly improve. I also took Cordyceps, Lions mane, Magnesium Glycate, among other things - these all helped a lot! if you can get your hands on psychedelic mushrooms, I highly recommend microdosing. if you don't know anything about it, there is a lot of information online.
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lol, I also did a bunch of stuff to improve absorption - even avoided vitamin C like the plague. My prescribing doctor was always quick to increase my dose. Ultimately, I am soooo much happier off of it. Giving my body the nutrients and vitamins it needs, while balancing my natural energy stores. You will probably be "out of the woods" much quicker. I would say get off of it, and give it a year.
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You're welcome. Yes, the stories "seem" scary. I used to read them when I was just thinking of quitting and I had the same thoughts. In hindsight, it was my addiction that made everything seem scary. honestly, continuing adderall is much more scary. Adderall provides a false sense of control, and feeling the discomfort of withdrawal "seems" so incredibly out of control. Again, everything "seems" that way, meaning it is just our perception of it.
As for my use story - Towards the end, I was using 90 to 200 milligrams a day for 6 years. so if I can do it, you certainly can! My addiction was pretty bad, so I had to flush my remaining pills and inform my prescribing doctor about my misuse of the drug. I literally had to tell them "do not prescribe to me as I am a liability." I tried every other way to quit, weaning myself off, quitting while keeping a "just in case" bottle, simple drug breaks, etc. I always went back to the drug, and ended up in the same place.
Out of everything, work is the biggest brain drain. And my motivation returns in spurts, and while my job is important and I stay on top of things, sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day is a UGH. Luckily, I have a good job, with good people, and I am good enough at what I do to keep my job. When I quit, I did inform my manager that I was struggling with prescription addiction and was quitting under the supervision of a therapist (who was available should documentation be needed). I let her know I needed to take a week off, and that the first year I may not perform above and beyond. They were very understanding and did not burden me with too much stuff. That also served as another point of accountability. Now my employer knew, so I had to quit for good!
The fact that you were taking such a low dose, you may experience a shortened recovery timeline. And the fact that you experience so much physical discomfort while using, is a blessing. How long did you use for?
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The Insidious Orange Devil
in Tell your story
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Hello - I would say you are approaching the path of recovery, its a process. I abused adderall for 6ish years (90 to 120+ mg a day). I have been off of adderall a little over two years. I'm no longer in hell. But the path out is difficult. you have to let go of what and who you "think" you are, what you "think" is important (all of that posh crap you mentioned in the beginning of your post) and let go. PAWs still appears occasionally, and I'm very "routine" oriented, meaning, if I am off of my regular sleep/eating routine, I will experience PAWs symptoms....its weird.
But my relationships are really good. I love my family and friends. I am learning to deepen the love and care I have for myself, and I am learning to walk through cravings by carefully observing why the cravings arise. and I'm learning self-compassion. I don't know if I will ever fully heal from adderall abuse, but I'm certainly in a better place now than I was on it.
A good place to start is self love. begin by trying to get a regular sleep schedule (with or without adderall), try eating healthier and taking supplements. give your body what it needs so it has a better chance when you quit. Its like we turn into out of control teenagers who make all the wrong decisions and you have to become your own parent. Ultimately, quitting comes down to self-acceptance and self-care. Its bloody hard, but what will you do if you continue on this road?
Good luck!