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addy8

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Posts posted by addy8

  3. 90 days and feeling depressed

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Prozac helps ALOT. B12 injections once weekly for a month and then monthly.

    Exercise.

    Hang in there :)

    I am the typical medical professional that won't help herself but knows how to help her patients. Crazy how that works :) I'm here if you have any questions. Psych is something I have researched and studied for years. Addiction and depression is a huge part of the psych world. You will get better based on reading your posts. It will just be a struggle. But I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  4. Adderall-Addict

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I have been blessed with family and friends who motivated me by reminding me how kind, smart, attractive and loving I was through out my life---and then I found something that pushed me more, that didn't have to remind me--and made me feel so on top and focused--Adderall. It started off normal but led to a 6 year binge. After years of Adderall abuse, I hit rock bottom and barely wanted to live. Three weeks ago, I called my father is who is a Pharmacist (and completely hates amphetamine drugs). I have started the weaning off process. If I hadn’t made that call, God knows what I’d be doing now.

    My story starts off pretty normal. In high school, I slept all the time but that was because of my constant involvement in sports. I had issues with focus, but I easily made all As and got into a very well known University. I remember the first time I tried Adderall back in 2004(my freshman year of college). I stayed up all night getting things done, I actually WANTED to study. Motivation was always hard for me to find. My friend would give me them when we had exams and I could just walk into the library, take 20mg and power study. This was all great until I couldn’t find Adderall sometimes and then I would fail a test. The Adderall pumped me up, made me euphoric about school—without it, I just couldn’t get things done. My father, a pharmacist dreaded this. He never wanted his children on controlled narcotics because he saw first hand what they do to people. I didn’t care…like any reliance or quick fix at a young age, I believed I could control this. My dad says he still remember the day I called him to tell him I was prescribed to Adderall.

    In 2006, the gates of hell were opened to me. I felt depressed which caused fatigue and weight gain. I went to a family doctor who prescribed me the Adderall—it was a quick fix. I started feeling much better and just went about my daily life. My dad begged me to take a small dose of the Adderall and then stop using after college. I had no idea my 6 year dependency had just began. I graduated college and stopped taking it for a few months. I finally got an adult job that was stressful—so I went back to taking it for the past year and half. I started losing a lot of weight and feeling good about my life again. I was on top at work. After a few months-- I started staying up all night, chain smoking and this was okay for awhile, I would just pop more Adderall. I had no idea this was raising my tolerance and therefore preventing the Adderall to be steady. I was prescribed to 2 20MGs a day, but I would probably pop about 80MGs…sometimes more because I wasn’t counting. There were times were I felt great—the highs were high..but the lows on Adderal---AWFUL. I would lay there feeling paranoid, my mouth dry, my heart racing out of control, my skin breaking out—People who cared about me began to notice this. I didn’t care, I didn’t think anything was wrong. During this time and popping such high MGs, I was spending money out of control, smoking tons of cigarettes, not eating and isolating myself. I didn’t want the people who loved me to see this. At the time, I just made excuses—but this is what all addicts do—make excuses for their ways of filling their addictions. I pretended to my parents that everything was okay.

    This all led to me and my boyfriend of 3 years breaking up; which didn’t phase me because I continued on the euphoric binges. He had begged me to chill out on the Adderall and that he loved me. I didn't really care. I was using the Adderall so much that it masked the sadness that was building inside of me. A lot of other events occurred—one’s that should bring you closer to family. Instead I ended up out casting myself, losing a ton of weight and having constant thoughts of suicide. My performance slipped at work and I almost lost my job.

    My Mom and Dad Skyped me one day when I was crashing on Adderall and had been up for 2 days straight. I was feeling delirious and seeing/hearing things. They asked what was wrong with me and why I was so skinny. I just BSed, but I could see tears in my mom’s eyes. She knew something wasn’t right.

    After years of staying up all night and spinning down the downward spiral--- I called my dad about all of my debt and troubles I was experiencing. He asked me, “Are you taking Adderall?Do not lie.†I told him I was. He knew it, but he knew he was dealing with an addict..and at the same time…his daughter.

    My Dad is a strong man and rarely shows his emotion through his words. My dad told me that his heart was broken to see me like this and if I continued on this path I would end up killing myself from all the speed. He said if he could get rid of every Adderall in his pharmacy he would because of this. He told me one thing that will always stick—“You have created HIGH highs(with the Adderall)—you depend on for all situations ----your brain is not responding to the normal things in life—if you cannot look at a sunrise,feel love or appreciate the small things in life without a drug—something is wrong.†He then put the words I never wanted to hear in front of me---“You are addicted to Adderall.â€

    When the realization hit, I cried. I never considered my Adderall intake bad because a doctor stood there and wrote prescriptions for it—making it seem much more innocent than illegal speed. I thought I was only hurting myself with these highs, but I was hurting everyone dear to me. I had always thought I was getting a “little out of hand†with the pills, but I never thought I was similar to a crystal meth addict. I swore to him on that evening that I would begin to wean off the Adderall. I then realized, I have to get Adderall out of my life for good. I have to exercise, live healthy and begin facing a lot of issues I ignored. I went from taking about 80MGs a day to 15MGs—it felt like hell for the first week. I was up and down—tired, cranky, but very hungry and sleeping a ton. After three weeks of 15 MGs, drinking coffee, starting to exercise, admitting to close friends my addiction—I am starting to feel again—human. I am so blessed that I am in the process of saving myself from addiction and psychosis. I found this website and have been reading other testimonies and struggles with Adderall. I am experiencing so many things that everyone else is. It is refreshing to see that quitting Adderall for good has happened to a lot of people. It gives me hope.

    I hope that by July or August, it will be out of my life for good. I am excited to live again—because when I was Adderall free years ago, I was lovable, funny and known for just being me. My abuse with Adderall turned me into an emotional monster that constantly lived for euphoric peaks without any rest or food. I am scared of gaining weight and learning how to focus without drugs again. I am happy I have become aware of my addiction at 26 years old, rather than live another 10 years in poor lifestyle. This is going to be a struggle for me, learning how to eat, exercise and sleep properly again…but I want to appreciate the small things in life.

  10. Atlanta

    in Member locations (for meetups)

    Posted

    Hooray for the Varsity and stupid amounts of traffic on 285 and 75! If anybody's near Atlanta and wants to meetup, just reply to this thread or send me a PM. I'd love to meet you!

    I would be THRILLED to meet you. I live in Texas but I have a great schedule and can fly anywhere I want. May sound crazy but your website blew me away. I need to talk to somebody face to face than understands. If I go to a psychiatrist and tell him the truth....my license would be pulled. If i even have a diagnosis of depression, I have to explain it to the Texas medical board.

    I would love to take some girls for a girls trip maybe this summer and if you are available for lunch it would be such a blessing.

    You are changing lives....I hope you wake up smiling everyday.

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