NoOne

Hi everyone, I've been here before, I made a post about a year ago with an account I have forgotten about. I was resolving to quit Adderall, I listed all the good reasons why, and yet I failed. My prescriptions are starting to run out sooner and sooner, I can actually feel myself becoming addicted. I finished my latest bottle yesterday less than two weeks after picking it up, I swear to god I'm fucking done. I'm still a total loser, only now in addition to no girlfriend or friends, I look and feel like a drug addict. I've become that bad sort of skinny, my teeth are jagged, and I have zero energy now even when i'm on Adderall. The sad part is I'm very good looking, to the point where, even in this run down condition, I still have girls at school trying to approach and flirt with me. But I'm a shy guy, I end up never making a move and she assumes I'm rejecting her. Its getting harder and harder to not think there is just something inherently wrong with me. Its a horrible thought that, combined with years of loneliness, just makes living too hard to bear. Abusing Adderall is my only escape it seems. My original title was going to be 'bracing for the storm' because I already have some sort of depression naturally, abusing Adderall was my stupid way of coping.. Yet, Adderall has a way of building it all up, last time I ran out, I became so depressed that for a little while, I couldn't even tell if I was real or not. I abused the rest of my pills this morning and I can already feel it creeping in. But fuck it, its do or die time for me. I can't go on like this, I just have to power through it and hope a better me comes out the other side.