[Mr. No personality]

What's lil tex cost/benefit? I can barely read this site on the iphone. I must admit, I am really looking for an excuse to "party". I'm bored as hell, and still a mess at work.

[Mr. No personality]

Congrats on getting through 11 days.

1) I don't know celexa - isn't that an antidepressant?

2) As you go through withdrawals, all kind of shit will surface. For the first 2 months I went from being exhausted to elated to agitated and anxious to furious and all over again, sometimes within a 2 hour period! And I still get bouts of this all the time. I am about 5 months in and I am still pretty tired most of the time. So my point is it takes a long time, you need to just learn to accept the storm and ride it out. It will pass, and you'll be better for it.

Have you done LILTEX's cost/benefit exercise? You might find it helpful....

[Mr. No personality]

Hi, I am still not using adderall or celexa or ritalin for 11 days or so, and I feel great. My mind and health are definitely better, but my underlying anger problem has resurfaced too. I have contimplated popping an adder in the near future to "get some shit done" in work, but I'm going to try and stay off the mind control pills.

[Mr. No personality]

No, I dont sell them. currency is a bad analogy. What I mean is for example, being a person who has access to something people want. Also, occasional01: you show understand this well. I think your description is truth to power. This adhd thing is a fucking joke.

[Mr. No personality]

No, I dont sell them. currency is a bad analogy. What I mean is for example, being a person who has access to something people want. Also, occasional01: you show understand this well. I think your description is truth to power. This adhd thing is a fucking joke.

[Mr. No personality]

Well said. Most people just go and sit there and listen.

They also space out and daydream and stare at the clock and pretend to pay attention while doing stupid shit online, or doodling, or writing poetry when they "should" be writing notes, or whatever. They smile and nod.

Attention comes in and out. It's human.

Being hyper-focused like adderall brings out is not human.

I used to think that everyone else around me must be taking adderall if they were functionally getting through the day. If they were seemingly capable of listening and doing stuff. But now that I'm not taking it, I realize that (with a few possible obvious exceptions) nobody else is, either. Most people can't even drink caffeine at night. Most people have trouble paying attention. They struggle in school, struggle waking up, etc. Most people have other shortcuts than amphetamines, like b.s.ing their way through it, or doing a good job with other ways of self-management.

I mean, what human being can just sit there like a robot-zombie like that for hours on end and actually care about all those stupid details?

I relate to you 100% on the feeling that you need it. But once you let go of it and give yourself some time, you'll find that you really don't need it.

And especially now that you've crossed that addiction line, adderall won't even work that way for you anymore. You'll have to take a ton of it for it to work, and you'll be sitting in that meeting all tweaked out and either not even paying attention, or paying too much attention.

Past a certain point with adderall, there is nowhere to go but downhill.

[Mr. No personality]

Well stated. I understand you know the truth. I am just having a tough time letting go of that script. As many of you know, some of these controlled substances are like currency and they are good to have for "rainy days". 4 days and I feel fine.

[Mr. No personality]

It is the truth. As much as I detest ultimatums, "either / or"; and "black and white" viewpoints, I must accept the reality of this truth if I want to beat my addiction for good. Let me repeat this simple truth:

Once you have crossed over the line from casual/recreational/prescribed usage into addiction, there is no return to casual/recreational/prescribed usage without the return of the addiction.

I am still waiting to hear from anybody who has recovered from an addiction that believes otherwise. An adderall addiction is a lifetime affliction.

[Mr. No personality]

I am quitting, and havent partied in 4 days now. I just want insurance in case I need it for what I was supposed to take it for in the first place....to pay attention in meetings, seminars, trainings. My problem was that I was taking it every 4 hours of everyday for nothing or to just be a lunatic.

[Mr. No personality]

It doesn't sound like you're nearly ready to quit and that's sad to me, but only you can make that decision. Is the hell that you've been feeling the past few days any indication as to what this drug is doing to you, if that's what happens when you don't take it? I sincerely hope you come to a place when you realize life abusing adderall really isn't life at all.

[Mr. No personality]

I have a bundle stashed already, but yes I want to fill the script. Why? Because I will want them again even though they drain my soul out of my pores. And they are slightly difficult to get unless you doctor shop. All the junkies sell em for Heroin.

[Mr. No personality]

I'm still good, thanks. I've been sleeping terrible at night and sweating profusely during the day. I must have maxed out my adrenal glands on that shit for so long. I have an appt to see my shrink where I get my scripts for XRs. I know I shouldn't go, but the dare I say addict in me wouldnt miss it. Its the only appt. I ever keep.

[Mr. No personality]

GETTTT ITT CRAYTHUR!!!!!!

You know what you ultimately want and need to do! There will be a lot to deal with and it's not gonna be easy. But if you have the desire you seem to be expressing here, then you've got this!

There is a better life waiting for you!!!

[Mr. No personality]

Man, im dying to pop one today, but I wont. I am dragging ass today. Gonna get a coffee and fresh air instead. Just for the record, I was laughing all day yesterday. Granted, i was over-tired as hell, but it was still better than a stone face and eyes bugging out.

[Mr. No personality]

Adderall basically turns us into robots just like your post title indicates.

Glad you are transitioning back to 'human' again! Keep it up!! We're rooting for you.

[Mr. No personality]

I didnt sleep a fucking wink, and I was late for work again today. I havent poured any 20s down my throat though. Im just suffering, sweating through the day. Like a bad hangover, but i feel human. Good lookin out.

[Mr. No personality]

Crathur,

Sounds like you really need to quit. When and how do you plan to quit using adderall? You have my support and encouragement. Good Luck!

[Mr. No personality]

. Ive been up for 21 straight hours after sleeping for 23? On this stuff for five straight years give or take. xr 20s. Woke up tired, late for work. Didnt care. Got my assignment, popped a 20, worked on ten different things...all poorly. People went to break, didnt ask me to go cuz they know i say no. Went to work on "creative" presentation that was the result of a major fuckup on my part. People came back, and i felt ashamed and distracted that they would see me obsessing over the smallest detail of page 1. I retirned to my mundane busy work, and felt more comfortable. Mouth was dry so I got an iced coffee with a shot of espresso, and popped another 20. Now I was a work animal. I could do any stupid thing fearlessly and probably badly. Then it wore off less than hour later. And I was a bum. People were rapping about life all around me. I couldnt even open my mouth. They didnt notice. Its been so long. I thought, " what has happened to me?" I used to talk and care and yes procrastinate and flake, but I was fun. And I laughed and I broke balls, and my work was fine. Now im a fucking zombie on speed. Im quitting. Pray for me.