Jon B

Glad I came across this! - Needed this today.

It shouldn't be bad for you. There is never a timeline specific, but with the very very very small amount of time you've used, I think you will be in the clear very soon. I would do anything to go back to month 4 of my use and wise up and stop. You are in a great spot. Good for you for recognizing it. Get off it now and stay the natural course. It will be worth it.

@FisherKing Man you will be fine! You got this. "Irrational fears" resonates with me big time. I come up with the worst possible scenario for everything that never seems to happen. - I worry about self-fulfilling prophecys - I feel like I knew I would end up in this situation sooner or later when I started taking adderall in college.

How's the new job going? Pretty awesome accomplishment!

I'm gonna have to check it out. Its good to have people like you and others on this site who know what its like to go through this. Not sure what I thought exactly I would feel being this far in the process of getting off. I know there are some aspects of life better now than they were earlier on.

Thanks FisherKing. I've never heard of Buspar. My doctor prescribed me Lexapro SSRI months ago. I havent really taken it though. I know it will make me feel better and take away the anxiety and ease up the depression, but I also know the high probability of weight gain. Plus I've been trying really hard not to get dependent on another mind altering substance. I see Buspar is different though so may need to check it out. The only thing that has helped has been exercise and decent diet. I run a good bit and have been starting to incorporate more weights. We don't have NA where I am, but we do have AA. I may need to check it out. I know I need people who can relate to my experiences in some way. Its hard trying to open up/explain how I'm feeling to people who have no idea what this is like. it makes me feel as though the way I'm feeling isn't valid (if that makes sense) - I get this vibe of "get over it" and "suck it up" haha

Lately I've been wondering if I made the right choice coming off. I feel like I'm letting so many people down and people are seeing me at my worst. I'm almost at 9 months. So many areas of my life feel so out of whack. I'm doing terrible at work. I wasn't doing the best before coming off either, but I know where I went wrong. When I'm sitting down in front of the screen all day, I feel so low. I can't seem to gain any drive to do the things I know I need to do. I understand motivation follows action, but its like I am in a constant state of fear and anxiety that won't go away. I want to wake up one day, not dreading the day ahead. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling like life was good. I know this is my own fault, and I want to clean it up. I just don't know where to start cleaning up my life. The anxiety/depression is paralyzing. I feel so alone and misunderstood. I'm so tired of the internal mental battles that I face everyday. Its like I have one voice that is positive but is overrun by negative thoughts of regret, shame, confusion, fear and doubt constantly. its exhausting. I can't seem to make decisions about anything at all. The only times I feel decent is when I am exercising. When will this end? I've become such a negative person. I'm not mean to people, but I don't have positive energy and vibes to give people anymore. My energy is negative. My thoughts easily sway toward negative thoughts about everything and everyone. Its draining. People have been patient with me. I don't talk about what I'm dealing with to anyone really, besides my therapist. even she doesnt really understand. Its like they google "getting off addy experience" = "oh 30-60 days and you will be fine." Am I crazy? Is this really something I should already be over by now? I want to feel human again....I want to feel useful again.. I want to feel like me again. I want to discover my path and purpose. I want to break free of the mental chains that are holding me down.

Way to go Articulus! Keep on chugging along.

Day 163 Haven't logged in in a while. - Quit my job than unquit my job. Told my boss what was going on and surprisingly everyone has been very understanding and supportive. - I'm thankful for that. I know I would have been more stressed out without a job. - Work is my biggest stressor, Its like I can't get anything done ever. It kills me. I work in a sales job. My numbers havent been good this year (i've come to terms with that) - I'm not getting fired. Its like I'm allergic to work. I don't know where to start. - Living at home with my parents for a year now. I originally moved back from the city just to get away for a bit. My plan was to go back after 6 months, but I decided to get off of the adderall and now its been over a year. Its hard being in this house day after day after day. I feel like I'm going crazy. I work from home and the only people I pretty much ever see are my parents. I have spent some time going back and forth to other families houses from time to time and that seems to help. I know the isolation doesnt help me at all. - I've started seeing a therapist. Sometimes I think it helps, sometimes it doesn't. The hard part is my therapist can give suggestions all day long which I appreciate, but she doesn't actually understand what I'm going through. she tells me I can't put too much pressure on myself right now, which maybe is true. I just feel so weak all the time. My confidence that was so profound is gone. I can't focus. Getting out of bed everyday is a struggle. - A doctor prescribed me lexapro, which I took for a few days. Honestly it made me happier, but I know that feeling all to well. Relying on a pill to manage my emotions, mood, and feelings. I didn't take it long. The thought of having to come off another medication which I've read is really hard to do after a while is just a hard pill to swallow - There are many friends I've neglected over the past year or more. That I would like to reconnect with. I've ignored some, more throughout the early stages of coming off adderall. Truth is I don't know what to say to them. - Its like everyday is the same. Like I'm living in Limbo. Like I'm stuck. I can't make decisions. Simple task take me forever. I procrastinate on things I normally wouldn't. I feel so stupid all the time.. - I think I need to be back out on my own. I think that would help me. Its just really hard to plan out anything right now. - My physical energy is better. Been working out twice a day lately and watching what I eat. That seems to be the only thing that remotely helps me feel better. While I know these are bunch of negative things, I guess it has just been one of those weeks, I'm thankful to be off the drug.

I have plenty of pills left, but at 72 days completely off after a long step down cycle. I don't even look at them. I occasionally think "oh that morning rush when I take it and listen to music was nice" haha I know though that if I were to take it, maybe for an hour or two i'd be feeling great, but after that I also know that I would hyperfocus on the fact I took it and feel deep regret and shame. The "magic" of the pill is done for me. All i can do now is clean up the messes I've made and make better decisions.

Straight up with you. You are at an age where many of us would kill to be at right now. Just quit the shit, and be done with it.

I'm assuming you're weaning off? - If that's the case when I got to 5 mg, that lasted about 2 days and I was over it and just stopped. haha I If you really want to make sure its 5 mg, its easier to do with instant release tablets. You're making some progress, so congrats! Keep it up.

Thats a huge accomplishment! Congrats on 61 Days. I'm on 58!

These parts really stood out to me. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself as I approach day 60. Thinking there is some amazing purpose for my life. Not saying there isn't but, . Why not just focus on just being a normal sober human being and enjoy being alive? - Everything else from here will fall into place.

38 Days with no addy here! You basically described my life right now. Initiating task, figuring out what task needs to be done, daydreaming the day away, etc. I definitely have moments throughout the day when I'm feeling sorry for myself and hopeless. Mainly those feelings are in the morning particularly when i wake up. Its so hard to get out of bed and get ready for the day. Some days the "feeling sorry for myself/anxiousness" last longer than others. We are making some pretty great progress I'd say. there is no way I'm turning back now. I remind myself life is supposed to suck right now. I've got work to do to build a new, better life for myself and with time that will happen. I'd rather life suck for a little while being off addy than live a lifetime of misery with constant ups and downs.