Wreckingball

Tiptoes words might as well be my words. A 16 year long relationship, 14 married ended primarily because of adderall addiction. My story is a little different, but very much the same. My wife was an alcoholic leading into the adderall addiction. 3 years into the marriage she ended up in the emergency room with stroke like symptoms, she was 34 years old. It turned out she was a closet drinker, hiding alcohol in random places throughout the house and drinking nightly. After the ER visit she came clean and quit drinking, as did I. She made it 4 years that I know of and then relapsed. It took me a few months to catch on that she had relapsed, she was really good at hiding it. When I confronted her of course it was my fault and I was a horrible husband for not paying enough attention to her and not noticing for months. This was the beginning of the end. As she tried to quit alcohol again she was desperate to replace it with something, asking me if I thought it was ok is she smoked some weed at night to get to sleep. I agreed, but in my head was afraid of where that would go, eventually turning into a $400.00 per month habit. Then along came the ADHD theory and a trip to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. This is where adderall came into the picture. Of course she didn’t share with the psychiatrist that she had been struggling with alcohol addiction the better part of her adult life. Over the course of the next 4 years I watched the slow decline of my once loving, compassionate, hard working, amazing mom, family oriented wife and mom. I can go on and on about how strong the marriage was. As she continued adderall use, she would make comments like, I don’t take it every day because I don’t think I need to, to comments like I can’t get through the day without it. I eventually connect the dots and figure out she was skipping days so she could load up on other days. Over the course of the next two years she was able to manipulate our primary care provider into more meds, from a sleeping pills, to anti anxiety meds, to antidepressants and everything in between. The last year she was on 6 different mood altering medications all doing different things, I don’t know how the doctors didn’t catch it. She turned into a monster and eventually burned down her life as it once was. Anyone in he’s inner circle was attacked and cast away, friends, family, clients, anyone who interacted with her on a regular basis was gone, anger rage and hatred was all that was left of her. Daily attacks on me, saying horrible things to me daily. She was like an irrational toddler, a Tasmanian devil, spending money like it was as available as water. She thought she was going to be a rock star and spent thousands trying to achieve that goal. at the peak, between meds and weed it was $1000.00 per month. Plus we have two kids 14 and 10 now that watched it all unfold. Several therapists later, one trying to convince her to check into a chemical dependency center, I had no choice but to file for divorce, I still to this day haven’t drank alcohol, the ER trip was 9 years ago. My last ditch effort was making an appointment's with the primary care provider to inform her what my wife has been doing to her life and that she had been manipulated into writing prescriptions for an addict that is self medicating on the long list of medications she prescribed. Theses just so much more I could share, I could write all day and still not cover it all. As of January 1st 2025 she will be out of the house for a year. The divorce was final on May 24 2024 with me paying her $700k because I kept the house and business, the business she nearly bankrupted. But my life is now calm, no one telling me they hate me, that I’m useless, that I’m a bad dad, that I’m a horrible son to my mom, that I’m a horribly business owner, that sex with me is horrible and always has been, again a monster.