tessa0412
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Posts posted by tessa0412
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I apprrcoate these bombs i need it as remjnders i screen shot that response as my backroubd on phone. Im doing good . Using still around day 10...13 so ive stretched it but not good enoigh. do i give myself credit.? I struggle with that
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Another roubd of 3-4 days of binging but u managed to steal them each time i feel like defeated . Ive been here before and im just so sad for myswld
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@blesbro...nailed it
Nailed it. For one im super hard on myself i dont even fealize it but the lightnulb went on in theraoy when i was about to give my self credit for something and hesitated..her mentioning that and me seeing it from outsidd of myself has helped me notice now when it hapens or is Bout too. It will take years or who really knows till i can feel secure and confident and proud of myself. I def make it alot harder than it is and i almost have to laugh because as i was reading that in ur post my brain goes...ok im makong it harder than it is things could br worse but does that mean im comparring myself to others to make myself feel better? Shouldny i fully embrace this shit so i can wipe the dust off my hands and be free from it?
Than on and on the mind train goesa
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Defibitly do delte bit i go back . My phone is key for it. Sometimes i leave it st home when im at work. I deinitly know and understand the tools to stay positive and sober im in therapy and everything so its frustrating that i can wake up journal feel good eat good say today is going to b a good one than i get to wherever im going and if add is there boom i go for it. Sometimes very rarely i have strong will power. If i stay sober for months will i still have that weak willpower?
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Well i havent had a presxription in 5 years. I no... i get it from people dealers .. steal it
ita bad so i ushually go off 5-8 days than get some and binge for 3 -
Im able to sleep through the night its just frustrating because when i wake up i realized i didnt use and it was juzt a dream but than i want to use. Also caved yesterday
back to day 1 -
Day 6. But let me tell u i hate the dreams they are enough to say fuck it. Every damn night i use in my dreams . Ive always remembered my dreams every morning and have been a vivid dreamer so its like i cant escape it . Last night my aunt and my grandma even used adderall? Ha wtf? And i of cpurse stole it all
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Feels good to be experiencing a very cool life event like this SOBER . Thank god
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Thanks guys! Day 3 on my way to look at wedding venues
yez im getting married:) ive also finally made my ancupuncture appointment .. anyone ever tryed this??? Apparently helps with addiction...-
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Day 1confirmed.I like this idea
I left my phone at home today and just have my kindle at work. Not having access to add dealers helps me... also makes me feel like a child but gotta do what I gotta do. Just for today I stay sober...even as I write that I feel fake or nervous tho..cuz if given the chance I'm afraid I'll fail-
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for the answer somwhere late at nigt after a binge like u said ( i of course hope u don't actually do this) than ur search or mine atleast always brings me back to this site... i come back on and off on and off much similar to my addiction. years of the same pattern and cycles. and when i come back i no reading everything gives me that feel good change but the kind of feel good that happens though with in before after and during some rough emotional inner work kind of pain.. therefore i leave often. it just blows my mind how similar we all are
i sware every time i come to this site i choose a thread to read and i have to scroll up to see if i wrote it.. we sound so similar. its insane.. even the words we choose. i tottaly and completly do the exact same thing u mentioned and whats crazier is that the other night i was up late doing so and had these great plans that physically and mentally felt amazing like theres no way i wont do this tommarow ect. and i remember the other night i thought u know what i do this alot i bet tommarow it will be gone.. it was and i pondrered on that and than havent thougt about it again till i read this post just now...
insane. we are all patternized cycle running conditioned little addie addicts and i feel like since we all go though the exact same thing or since i do than i should consider the thought that this is real. serious.
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..looking to find some supplements vitamins To help gain some brain power back or put back what I lost with adderall binge/ addiction.
Currently have l tyrosine I heard of l carnitine and curious if anyone knows anything
About it
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Hey guys sorry for not coming back I like the idea of thinking of the positives and finding the neg so when I get craving I can pin point which false positive it was..
I've been on adderall 6 years first 2 prescribed with occasional abuse than the last 4 have been abuse
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I'm in therapy and aware of how bad I am with this yet I turn it off and use a week later even if I've been self controlled positive or had a great day no lack of energy or anything I just fkin take it than I do that for couple weeks completing avoiding my issues and refusing to do anything positive for myself and right
Now that's where I am
I like cant identify with myself right now
Anyone
Else feel this way ever?
Like I'm trying to tap into the motivation fire under ur but feeling the feeling of holy shit my life is way to important to throw away.. And I can't tap Into it
I can't relate even tho this is what I want and I
Know I can do it.
Help
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Reality is beautiful like the real natural life around us I do believe that so its frustrating my action speak otherwise... Obviously I'm running to a fake world and not truelly believing reality is beautiful
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Eek lots of good stuff here but also re capping adderall activities just makes me wanna use
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I'm back with avengence . Sorry to have bailed! Im glad to be welcomed back
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I actually had to check who wrote this because I've been on and off writing posts for years and I seriously thought I could of wrote this.. Like I would always come here while coming down alone in my family room while the rest of the world is sleeping and write feverishly till 530 am and make a post.. Ur story sounds like mine so much that I thought I could of written it and didn't remember. The longer the time passes the more I realize how shot my memory is. Of what I did while useing. I get a memory of stupid pointless shit I did while on adderall and I literally like shake my head like physically because I'm so disgusted that I need to shake it off I used to do this and be conscious of wanting to physically shake my head to the thought now I do it and afterwards realize its super similar to a unconscious tick.
Lets try one day at a time ya?
I think it's super important to tell ur friend and others who use
Write a letter if that makes it easier
Once u do that not only does this 1000 lb weight come off but u no u cut those ties and that's huge
Next write a letter to yourself and talk about why u wanna stop and where ur ideal place would be for u in life 30 days from now. In 30 days read it and write another one and so forth . This will show u ur triggers and patterns
Knowing ur triggers and patterns and recognizing them won't cure u but trust me the first step to serenity is just being Able to realize them and realize them in that moment. We have to start new patterns an habits even if a simple walk or journaling is a new one that hey give ur self credit because its a new pattern or habit that's not one of the adderall game.
Don't forget
To breath. Breath it in exhale it out. Take ur feet like ur breath and walk out.. Step by step. Day by day
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well its pretty standard of me to give my all and find joy and go at recovery fast paced and full forced than disappear. which is what i did...i was posting alot and doing well than i used once that 2 maybe 3 long days in a row clean for 6 back again for 2. around the time i stopped writting in here i stopped journaling as well which is crucial for my recovery and my sanity.. i also learned that helping others in here and allowing others to help me was definitly a strong point in my recovery too... like it got the next leap ... i feel alot of recovery is day by day steo by step with moments of leaps where i change something repetivly in my behavior therefore i begin to see the natural happy change...writting here and on my own was that leap. all wa good than i just stopped writting..mmissed some therapy sessions.. all under the radar.. what i mean by that is like i dont say fuck it i give up woah is me let me dive head first. but more like tap out no ones home I'm driftiing through each day in a bubble outside of my myself my feeelings addictions and i use. this has been my cycle for many years .. ive been wanting to quit for 4. i wonder if i ever will? because i so badly want and NEED TO yet i use again and its not even because im getting uncontroable cravings its just because i just did. the good thing about the past year is i opened up about my addiction to my fiancé and friends and I've been activly at work at my recovery or 50%. i know 50 isnt good but it used to be -5%. ive learned i cant be around users i envy and want it so bad to the point where i steal it ..un detected to them and i make myself feel undetected to using again as well. i also need to write every day go to therapy journal and feelmy behavior notice patterns and work out. all things that im fully capable of but get lazy. i never regret doing it once i start but im lazy
any advice out three? i feel hopeful yet stuck
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I decided adderall was bad for me and I had a serious problem about 2 3 years ago since than I've actively tryed to better myself making strides in growing and staying clean ( for 9 days at most) than find myself binged out blacked out in my own personal world of I don't give a fuck about anyone or anything than me and my adderall world that's spinning around my dizzy sleepy fucked up head. Than back on the therapy Positive I hate this stage for a week or so than back around again/ I'm still thereS I'm in therapy I'm trying I'm not getting change I don't know what else to do
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I must be out of abbreviation loop but what's OP ??
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Triggers triggers triggers yes I have them but what I struggle with are the times all is good I'm sober life is good but I still choose to use. Like there are no triggers that are my big ones present
I just fuckin cave and use
I go numb be invisible and just use
Anyone else experience this?
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Here's some recipes my vegan sis in law sent me
Hi sis! Here is our menu/grocery list for the week:
menu:
Stuffed Acorn Squash (recipe is in email to follow- use whatever fresh herbs you would like, and I use regular bread crumbs to make it easy)
Lentil Sweet Potato Stew (makes 2 days worth) http://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/lentil-stew-with-smoked-turkey-and-sweet-potatoes.html Subsitute vegetable broth for chicken broth, omit turkey if you want to make it vegan)
Baked squash, steamed kale, and quinoa pilaf (recipe is in email to follow)
Veggie burgers (use any toppings you want) with spanish style rice
Pasta with spinach green onion pesto (requires blender or food processer) http://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-food/recipe-ramp-and-spinach-pesto-pasta/ (substitute green onions for ramps, you can omit the miso if you don't want to buy it, serve this pasta with mushrooms and tomatoes)
Produce:
acorn squash -2
garlic
onion- 2
carrots- 4
Butternut Squash
Green onions/scallions
Spinach
lemons- 2
Tomatoes
celery
Fresh herbs (whatever you want)
Kale
Lime
Shelf:
1/4 cup raw cashews (in the bulk section at whole foods- don't get too much, they're expensive!)
Apple cider vinegar
Bread crumbs
Quinoa
Seeds of Change brand Spanish Style Rice
Whole wheat spaghetti
Burger buns
Lentils
Vegetable stock or broth- 2 cartons (don't use cans)
Freezer:
Veggie burgers
You may want to double check the recipes and make sure I got all of the ingredients on here and didn't miss something. Let me know what you think!
love youuuuuuuuu
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Do u cook? Cooking is super theraputic for me.. I eat meat occasionally but cooking vegan or vegetarian meals are way easy and makes for a nice little day when searching for products at whole food stores or farmers markets. Eating a raw diet is not only easy but super healthy for your mind body and soul. Plus Pinterest has tons of options. I just find when I cook and turn on some music light some candles set up a zen space and cook it leaves me only thinking about cooking or what the next step is.. Than u can get satisfied with a healthy meal. Feels great. Just made vegan low fat stuffed green peppers yesterday it was awesome
Believing in ourselves
in General Discussion
Posted
This reminded me of a thought i had that j kept in my head all day and it was a lightbulb moment for me it was simply..::im in charge of ny body:: me the me thats been around for 26 years not the monster of adderall for 5 years. Me . Im in charge