[my life; controlled by adderall]

i am 23 years old. 5 years ago, i was introduced to a drug called vyvanse. i had never heard of anything like the description i was told about the medication before. i took one blue and white ER cap, which was (if i am correct) 70 mg. who knew that one small pill, one simple little medication could control my life in every aspect for the next 5 years, and counting. i will try to describe these next 5 years, as short, but in as much detail as i can. at first it was fun, more of a game per say. i could take these pills and have so much energy so much urge to clean, my house always looked amazing. my life seemed so entertaining. approx 30 maybe 45 days after taking vy every couple of days, i was introduced to adderall. my one and only addiction in life. its been 5 years, and 2 amazing children later, and i cannot quit. adderall has become my life; my bestfriend, my go to girl, my happiness, the first thing i do when i wake up. its what i look forward to in the mornings, i tell myself just get up, take your med, and get your day started everything will be fine once you take your pill. I HATE THIS! i started off taking 10 mg a day. i now am prescribed 60 mg a day. (since trying to come off, i have started taking less and less, but some days i cant help but to take more). i have done things i would have never imagined doing due to adderall. i have lost friends, relationships, money, my emotions, jobs, my life, my sex desire. i have no control of my life without it. it seems no matter how hard i try, how determined i am, i cannot get the idea out of my mind. i cannot break this horrible habit that i have grown to despise. my SO and i both have tried countless times to stop. and we were doing so well for long periods of times before. 8 or 9 weeks sometimes, and then one day, we start again. we have even started to snort our pills, which has caused sores in and out side of our nose sometimes. we are parents, and we look like we could be on some serious drugs because of the constant sores, the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep, (8 days and 7 nights i have stayed up before). living this life is NOT what i want. i so badly want to become dependent on myself, on the beauty of the world. i don't want to continue to take medication to live. i do not want to spend money buying more and more each month due to my tolerance level increasing, and not only mine but his as well (he can't get his own script). i do not want to get caught selling drugs. i do not want to get caught buying drugs. i am terrified of what my life will become if i do not stop taking, snorting and abusing this medication. i am at a complete loss at what to do, my SO isn't ready to quit. therefore; it's going to be really hard to for me as well. social addiction is the worse, and the habit i have formed of snorting is just as bad. what can i do? i need help. i am finally ready to reach out and receive any and all the help that i can get. if there is anything you can offer me, any words of wisdom, and stories, experiences, please don't hesitate. i want you and i to help each other quit this horrible addiction we have allowed ourselves to create.

 

That's one of the scariest posts ever. It sounds like a drug team is at work. This IS a SERIOUS DRUG and you are already on it!

 

You might have to quit the team to stay clean past 8 or 9 weeks. You have already proved you can quit. If you keep playing games with this drug things can get A LOT WORSE!

[Articles on Adderall...]

The good, the bad and the Ugly. This is a great piece!

 

http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/politics/2013/02/08/adderall-me-good-bad-and-ugly/

 

A scary story: Adderall abusr alters brain, claims a yougn life.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/adderall-psychosis-suicide-college-students-abuse-study-drug/story?id=12066619&singlePage=true

[18 months clear at the end of June]

I feel your pain Sebastian. Others have it worse. There are 3 factors that determine recovery time; How much you used, how long you used and your age. I think you are doing pretty good at 18 months all things considered. Keep the faith. It will all work out in the end. And if it hasn't worked out yet, it is not yet the end.

[Articles on Adderall...]

I like the quote in the first article: “That is the drug of choice in college. Hands down, it’s the one thing that everybody will take. It’s the one thing that med students will take"...Everybody will take it.

 

And the picture of the brain on adderall is amazing!

 

Speed Withdrawal: In order to succeed, it's vitally important to understand it realistically, as a challenging, long-term process.

http://www.tommoon.net/articles/speedwthdrl.html

 

 

Good idea SweetC. Better to have them all in one place.

[Quit-Once?]

Thank you for your very positive and hopeful post. I am so encouraged to know that you have your confidence and motivation back! Knowing this is huge for me. I can be patient for a little while longer now. It's a lot of stress to let go of. Thank you.

 

It's good to know that I am not the only one still resisting a smart phone!

[New job]

Ashley,

 

Your post is so positive and full of hope. You are a miracle of support for so many. I'm so happy for you that the stars are aligning for you; nice boyfriend, picture of ivory snow health, job that you like and steady progress in your recovery. I'm especially happy to hear that you like your new job. Work is such an important part of life. It is often overlooked because we are raised to believe that MONEY is supposed to be THE most important thing when it comes to work. It's a pitfall that many can't avoid, myself included, I'm sorry to say. I look back and see how quickly 40 years in the work force has passed. We don't get do-overs in old age.

 

I'm just checking in to thank you for the many positive contributions you make to the forums. You have helped me greatly along this bumpy road....the everlasting bumpy road, made a little smoother by your gentle encouragement.

 

You have even brought me out of hiding.

[Overcome Year 1 and Imagine Year 2]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on your one year anniversary, ZK. I enjoyed reading your post. It is very written with a realistic hand and that is somthing we need on the site. Congratulations!

 

Like the others, I want to thank you for ALL you do. You have done great things.

[ADDERALLICS ANONYMOUS--NYC]

hummerbird, I like your letter and this topic. I wholeheartedly agree that adderall recovery is unique unto itself. I was in AA for a year before becoming addicted to adderall. While I can say that I have been sober from alcohol for nearly 14 years, it is tainted by 12 years of adderall use. As one person put it, so you went from one to the other. It is painfully true.

 

As you know, AA has members who are bipolar and members who suffer other mental issues, so psychiatric drugs have to be accepted at some level. But, that's where I got into trouble, as you describe in your letter. I agree with you that stimulant use is where to draw the line, but there are many who would disagree (see the discalimer on this site). I don't know how you will ever get around this argument. At the same time, I would love to join SA if it were ever offered in my area. Neither AA nor NA offers the identification that makes you feel at home. I believe that having a home group is a vital part of recovery. It rang so true for me in my recovery from alcohol. I guess that's why we come here. The in-person community experience would have so much more power, even a Higher Power.

 

With two years freedom from stimulants, I hope you stick around here to share your experience, strength and hope.

[On Day 1]

The side effects of quitting are severly under-rated.

 

Have no doubt, txbadger, there are no tips or advice on how to maintain your current level of energy and focus. You will not have these resources in short time after you quit. Given your history of use, you will face the challange of a lifetime. You have great support here, but ultimately your own determination and perseverance will see you through.

[I believe I can do it this time]

Robin, you make a good point about needing help in keeping up with our daily responsibilities. Day upon day of failure to keep up can lead to relapse, like it did in your case. Mike made reference to having to watch some fish die in our aquariums in the beginning because we do not have the resources to save them. Not having the necessary resources can drag on far longer than "in the beginning", in my experience also.

 

It's been said before, but quitting adderall is, without hesitation, the hardest thing I have ever done. It is downright disheartening. Your honesty is refreshing and your perseverance is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your experience. Best wishes with your renewed commitment. I have confidence in you!

[Help with Recovery!]

Frustration. Doubt. Fear.

[Starting to wonder about fish oil]

I've been taking fish oil now for about a week and I definitely notice a difference.  I still get discouraged at times but it is not as bad as it was.

I am noticing a difference too, Justin. I am really glad you started this thread. Thank you. It's wonderful to feel even slightly better. Renewed hope!

[If I take Phentermine, does that mean I relapse?]

I'm glad you ran this by the group, SweetC. It's way too close to adderall to mess with. It's like it's adderral jr. I would be deathly afraid that it would trigger adderall cravings.

 

The temporary weight swing is just part of the dues we owe. It's perfectly normal.

 

Read all about Phentermine on the wikipedia link below:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phentermine

 

Let your good sense make this decision for you, SweetC. You posess so much knowledge about good nutrition and exercise, I can only see you making the right choice. 

[Please Donate]

Done.

[" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!]

Sorry to learn how difficult day 12 was for you Amy, but you made it through without numbing. I'm proud of you. Keep putting your quit first. I hope things get better for you later this week. Today's test was hard enough. Good work on venting here. It's a safe place to do that. Tomorrow will be a better day.

[I need help]

Good luck on your quit, Mike. You are getting out at the right time. I hope you at your bottom, meaning that you have the fortitude to stick it out quitting for good. You need to find something within yourself to make it stick. This Adderall business is BAD NEWS all around. The help you need is right here. You got this!

[Starting to wonder about fish oil]

Jon, how are you getting in your 1tb flaxseed oil and 1tb chia seeds daily?

I add the chia seeds to my "overnite oats" (mixed with 1/2 cup rolled oats, 3/4 cup coconut milk, splash of cinnamon and/or pumpkin pie spice and chia seeds in a jar (stir), over nite in the fridge) then take it out and I add a tb almond butter and a cut up banana and fresh berries. That is my jam. Soo good!

Or you can make a chia seed spritzers and drink them. That is what my dad was doing and he loved it. The texture of the seeds become very "jelly" like once in liquid so beware. If your alright with that texture, you can add them to your tea.

I would make a salad and after tossing on the dressing, tossing on some chia seeds.

You can mix them into your yogurt or apple sauce or a smoothie even. Or your eggs.

Or make chia seed pudding (I've been really wanting to make/try this) or salad dressing (which you can probably add the flaxseed oil into too, as the base, without really noticing)!

Check out these websites:

• http://www.azchia.com/chia-seeds-recipes-azchia/
• http://www.chiaseedrecipes.com/

I'm glad your starting to feel better, my friend

Thank you SweetC for all of this additional info. I'm glad you noticed that I was having difficulty being 100% compliant. You have outlined some great ideas for getting the chia seeds and flaxseed oil into my body.

[Starting to wonder about fish oil]

Jon, Did your doctor have any thoughts on the amounts of the different types of Omega 3's in the fish oil - like EPA vs. DHA?

How many mg's of total fish oil or omega 3's did she recommend daily?

Did you notice any differences in your mental state since taking more and better fish oils?

 

Walnuts are great.  I eat one little package of Emerald natural almonds and walnuts every day.

Quitonce, The doctor didn't have specific EPA and DHA numbers. The doctor didn't say how much total Omega 3's, just the varied forms of it. Some are plant based instead of fish based. You can see that it is suggested I take quite a bit. You could say that I was prescribed to take a mountain of it in almost all it's forms, including eating the fatty fishes: salmon, lake trout, herring, sardines and tuna.

 

I have only been on the program for about 3 weeks. The only difference I've noticed is an improvement in my GI issues, which cover the entire GI tract and were getting very serious. I suppose that has improved my mental outlook some, having less stomach ache, heartburn and elimination issues. Overall, my mental and physical states are weary and challanged every day. Don't forget, I work rotating shifts and will have my 60th birthday this year. Not exactly ideal conditions for enduring an Adderall quit after 12 years of use. I wish I had been taking more Omega 3's since the beginning of my quit, but it's never too late to start.

[Starting to wonder about fish oil]

I went to a homeopathy doctor on March 31st to try to help with my sleep and energy issues and my extensive GI issues since quitting. The Omega-3 fatty acids found in some fish, flaxseed oil, walnuts, chia seeds and high end (read expensive) fish oil capsules taken 4 times a day were part of the doctors 5 page prescription for me.

 

I had been taking one enteric coated fish oil capsule daily before going to this doctor. It had no noticible effect on me. The doctor told me that omega-3 fatty acids are in every cell in the human body. I guess that was enough to get me to shell out the big bucks for a host of homeopathic remedies, herbal remedies and nutritional supplements that the doctor listed. The fish oil she recommended was made by Life Extension. They are available at my local co-op and on the web at www.lef.org. Another brand that was touted by the co-op rep was Nordic. I found that the high end fish oil caps do not cause any fishy burps. I guess you get what you pay for. Who knew? Mike tried to tell us. Another case of "I'll do it my way" in rocovery. I'll listen, but won't really take the advice given. It was another rookie mistake on my part. I should know better.

 

I am not 100% compliant yet. I can't seem to get that 4th fish oil pill in me and I'm still working on squeezing in the flaxseed oil (one tablespoon daily), and chia seeds (about one tablespoon daily). I am snacking on 12 walnut halves every day as prescribed. 12 walnut halves makes one serving.

 

I have noticed some improvement since starting the doctors regimene 3 weeks ago, especially on the GI issues, but it's still too soon to tell if it is going to change the face of my recovery. One thing is clear: Omega-3 fatty acids are a crutial piece of my recovery puzzle.

[" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!]

Congrats on day 6 Amy. I'm happy to see you back. Good luck with the challange. I know you can do it!

[How awful it is to be addicted]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem, Mary Tea. It touches many of my feelings and states of mind I experience.

 

It makes me sad that Adderall calls to you after going through rehab, although rehab is no guarantee that a person is cured from having cravings. I hope you figure out a way, with help, to work with the cravings and find a way to overcome them. If you can adopt the attitude of SweetCaroline, you will lose those cravings quick!

 

Welcome to the forums. I hope you stick around. You have a natural gift for writing that is very stimulating and it would be kind of nice to have you around.

[Interesting how I only remember the good]

 

Today is one of those days I got my refill and this. is. it. I am so done with this ridiculous pill that has convinced me that if I take it I will go back to those times when I first took it, energetic, happy and restless in a good way. I took 40mg today after a 2 month long break and nothing. These past two months I have felt more energetic and happy without the pills than with. It feels like a dirty caffeine buzz with introversion and a hint of anxiety. I took my 60 20mg pills and flushed them down the toilet today, which I have NEVER done before. I swallowed my pride and ego and called my doctor telling him basically that I feel like it is just not for me anymore and never will be.

 

Past times I have hated the pill but never wanted to quit. Now I am more than ready, realizing Adderall has no value to me and does nothing for me.

 

Starting a new chapter in my life and I am EXCITED. 

 

Most of us have played the cat and mouse game like you have with this hideous drug, trying to squeeze out every last drop of pizazz that was experienced when we first started to take it. Eventually we arrived at unsustainability. Once this realization sets in we started looking for a way out and found ourselves here.

 

I like the way you creatively describe the effects of the drug at this point: It feels like a dirty caffeine buzz with introversion and a hint of anxiety. That's good! I really like it. It hits home.

 

Get out while the getting out is good. You are young and have a good opportunity at leaving it all behind you. Don't waste it.

 

Keep coming back.

[wanted to share -anonymous people trailer]

Shame should not be part of the recovery process, but unfortunately it is. This looks like a great film that addresses the issue. Thank you Robin for posting it.

[Trying to Quit]

When it comes to addiction, there are always second chances. There are enough chances to take until you get it right. The important thing is you are trying.

[I'm back]

No one on this site want to see you suffer like this. My heart goes out to you JimmyRay. Try drinking a protein shake. It will nourish you without having to chew food. No going off the deep end. Post again and let us know how you are doing.