[There's Always Hope]

Thanks guys. I'm still free from adderall/vyvanse.

[This binge was my Rock Bottom...thank you for this site.]

Good luck anniem20. You aren't alone in this battle. It gets better.

[There's Always Hope]

Thanks guys!

 

This forum is a VERY important tool for me! Even though this was my first post/thread, I on here numerous times daily reading and relating to other's stories to know that I'm not alone in this matter. It gives me peace of mind knowing that there are others who have problems with Adderall (and other ADHD stimulants) and isn't just me.

Indeed, it's hard to cover everything in just a couple of paragraphs. The pain I felt and what I went through can't be described in a few sentences. I'm a firm believer that only the person with the problem can step up to the plate, admit they have a problem and ask for help.

 

What helped me the most was looking at the long-term effects of daily Adderall/Vyvanse and knowing/understanding that it isn't worth it.

 

Hopefully my story will positively effect others!

[There's Always Hope]

In high school, I was socially awkward and depressed. Sure, I had a few friends that I hung out with once in a while, but I had a really hard time relating with other people. I did fairly average academically wise (B Average), but I just felt lost.

In the middle of my senior year, I saw a psychiatrist to get evaluated and he said I had ADD (and was depressed as a result of the ADD being untreated). He put me on an antidepressant and gave me Adderall for the ADD.

The Adderall transformed me into a new (artificial) me. I started doing my homework on time (not procrastinating), studied for tests, started socializing ALOT more, and was even excited about starting college next year. I ended up finishing my senior year with all A's and graduated with High Honors.

By the time I started college, I was taking vyvanse and an Adderall (booster) in the afternoon when I started to feel the vyvanse wearing off.

Sometime during my first college year (cant remember exactly) I began noticing these "crashes" during the late afternoon and evening. I'd isolate myself, feel depressed, nothing seemed interesting, and sometimes just start crying. I had constant, obsessive thoughts about all the negatives in my life and I couldn't shake them off. Sometimes I'd stare at the ceiling while laying in bed for hours and hours.

Even though every single night I'd go through a "crash", I felt that it was worth going through hell every night just to be proactive during the day on Vyvanse/Adderall. I tried taking days off and even tried quitting totally, but I was either in bed watching TV all day or in the kitchen stuffing my face with any food I could find.

During college, I was living with my mother to try and save money. It helped me a lot financially, especially since I was going to a private university and tuition was very expensive (even with grants and a scholarship). My mother got in a terrible car accident, had surgery and was prescribed pain killers. I started stealing her pills (Oxycodone, Hydrocodone) as a method of coping with my evening "crashes".

It wasn't long until I dropped out of college, became suicidal and was admitted to an impatient hospital.

After I got out of the hospital, I was no longer suicidal, but I was still prescribed the vyvanse/Adderall and didn't want to stop taking them. They were my life. The only good in my life. My "morning mood pill". I couldn't live without them.

I moved in with my father as a result of dropping out. This is where the real horror began... My road to destruction...

I started taking WAY more then prescribed. I'd keep taking them and taking them for days and days. I even went close to a whole week without sleeping or eating/drinking anything. I was binging. One time I went through a whole months supply in just a few days. I started getting heart palpulations, severe skin problems, couldn't urinate, eye problems, itching constantly, terrible odor (didn't take showers) and the list goes on. I had this illusion that if I keep taking them I'd skip the "crash".

I was on the computer 24/7 doing the most random, repetitive things like looking for "freebies" (free manufacture giveaways), product deals/sales, etc. I didn't do anything perverted. I just looked up, searched, and read about the most random things.

When I ran out, I'd be in bed and constantly eating for weeks until I got my next script. At one point in time, I was getting multiple scripts a month and went to multiple pharmacies.

Probably four months went by of this and I finally decided to stop. It wasn't worth it. I'm better off without it. I don't want to end up commiting suicide or try meth. I couldn't do that to my family. I don't want to go to hell. There's a VERY, VERY small light shinning through a long tunnel. It isn't much, but there's hope.

After "relapsing" probably five/six times, I finally admitted the truth to my psychologist and psychiatrist. Now I don't have any access to the vyvanse/Adderall. The first few weeks clean were a living nightmare, but I made it.

Today marks the third month clean after taking vyvanse/Adderall for over 5 years. The truth has finally set me free. I'm now even closer to my family and few friends than ever before. It was a hard lesson that I learned and now I'm paying for the mistake I made, but I accept it and have to live with it everyday.

There's always hope.