[1 month in, still struggling]

On 1/13/2017 at 9:33 PM, Kcchiefs0321 said:

Hey all just want to say thanks for all the tips and posts. I read alot of the threads before deciding to try and quit adderall. 

I am a month in and kind of got boxed into taking adderall today for the first time. I have taken 30 mg XRs for 8 years every day. For a month i did not take it and felt great about myself but still feel a serious lack of production. 

Today my boss lit me a new one about lack of productivity. I hadnt gotten alot done in a couple weeks and took an adderall and got it all done. My question for all is how did you cope with lost production and what is realistic for not feeling like task starting is like climbing a mountain? I get some things done but not enough to be acceptable.

My sleep has been much better, relationship is better and so is my outlook. The problem i have is still not getting that i am finally awake moment and feeling like i have to sleep all the time.

Has exercise, diet change, or OTC vitamins helped anyone? Any ideas to help me plan are appreciated. I am trying to take baby steps and make to do lists every day. I feel like some of this is legitimate withdrawal and some is mental. I just hope somebody can help me find solutions, i cant feel like my job is on the line over not taking the adderall. Thank you for any comments

Hi Kcchiefs0321,

Your job is on the line BECAUSE you are taking Adderall.  And until you realize that, you won't be getting off it anytime soon.  

You've been on the stuff for one year longer than I was on it.  I've been clean from from that devil drug for more than three years now, and I'm still not sure I'm fully rested after all those years of abuse.   

Here's what's working for me (yes, that's right, workING, not workED, workING, because it's an everyday and ongoing practice in my life):
1. admit that I am an addict.
2. find a 12 step fellowship and make a meeting (hint: Google "narcotics program for living")
3. meditation (I practice Transcendental Meditation, it works for me; if you can't afford TM, figure out one that works for you)
4. stay abstinent from all mood or mind altering substances
5. repeat steps 1-4

You're not the first person to attempt this.  You won't be the last.  You can get through this, and remember this, YOU MATTER.  YOU FUCKING MATTER.  If it means you have to take a leave of absence from your job in order to get the rest your body probably desperately needs, you'll figure out how to do it.  If you want this bad enough, you'll get it.  I'm proof that life without Adderall is so much better than with it.

Now, get busy.  There's so much more to life than what you've been living.  I've been there.  I know.

[Checking In]

On 1/18/2017 at 6:17 AM, sadderall said:

 congrats, flow3! your positivity is shining and helps me look forward to life without adderall. 

Hey sadderall,

For me, it's easiest to turn this into a daily maintenance program.  Staying clean JUST FOR TODAY.  I found relief through a 12 step program.  Just Google "narcotics program for living" that will lead you to the support fellowship I'm describing.  I would suggest trying that avenue and route.  I've been clean from Adderall thanks to the men and women in that fellowship for nearly three and a half years.  I'm grateful beyond measure to be clean today.  I can do so much more today than I ever could when I was using.  

Be well.

[My Own Private Hell- Adderall Binge]

Shea,

Thank you for your service.  You're a tough cookie.  Welcome to the next chapter of your life living drug free.

 

I identified with your experiences.  So, I wanted to offer a few suggestions that have helped me since quitting Adderall a little more than a year ago:

- meditation -- transcendental meditation is what I began about a month before giving up Adderall.  It's an amazing practice that has helped restore my cognitive capacity.  It also happens to be a practice that many service veterans undertake to counter PTSD symptoms.  As I said, it's an amazing practice.

- Narcotics Anonymous -- this didn't seem like a thing that was for me, until I went to my first meeting, and realized I heard other people with different drugs in their lives describing some of the same feelings I was going through.  It gives you that in person support you won't find from an otherwise amazingly supportive online community found here... you know, the sort of warm and fuzzy things like hugs you might want from time to time.  Oh, and keychains.

 

Be well, and please send an update.

[Has adderall affected your physical health?]

Air hunger (could never catch a full breath)

Shoulder tension

Headaches

Cracky bones

Foot cramps after running or biking

Eye muscle twitch

Dry mouth

Dry eyes/shriveled contacts

Dizziness, low blood sugar feeling

Ear popping like an elevation change

Thin, limp hair

Slow reaction times

 

The most annoying side effects for me were air hunger and having to pee every hour.

Eye muscle twitch!  Haha!  I nearly forgot about that one.  FANTASTIC.  So happy to be off this crap. 

 

I'll also add:  palms like fire hoses on full blast.  Sweaty all the time.

[What moment did u realize adderall had taken over your life?]

The moment I realized I was an addict was after I was fired from another job, paying out of pocket for a doctor's visit, then retail price at the pharmacy.  No insurance discounts.  No income on the horizon.  Foolishly handing out cash for another fix of pills.  Brand only, of course.

[Did adderall cost you your job?]

While on Adderall, I was fired from the following jobs, and the amount of time I worked at each before I was fired: 

- conference director, six months;

- legal assistant, 18 months;

- project assistant, six weeks;

- legal assistant, eight months; and

- selling tickets for a comedy club, six hours.

 

I never attributed Adderall for the above stellar professional track record, but looking at it like this, perhaps I ought to?

[I got a year today]

That's exactly what I'd hoped would happen.  Encouraging to hear that that was the case for you, quit-once.  Muchos gracias.

[I got a year today]

Pleased to share with you that I'm clean off Adderall XR 30mg (and everything else) for a year today.  OK.  Carry on.  Thank you.

[Anger on Adderall]

My anger on Adderall was extreme.  I remember in the first year of using, it would bring me to tears during my one hour lunch.  I would go to my car, call a friend, scream at them for any number of reason(s), cry until my face was beet red, then go back to the work restroom to try and look presentable again.  It was insanity, you guys.  That was just the first year of using.  The "breaking in" period.  I needed several more years after that in order to have this drug hand my ass to me.

[My clothes fit better today than when I bought them while using]

I don't care how silly, or shallow this seems, I'm thrilled to let you know that I'm fitting in my clothes better today (11 months, one week, and one day) clean than they ever did while I used Adderall.  Can I get an "Hallelujah" up in here?  It takes work, but you can do it too!!!

[I'm afraid of getting fat]

Hey Chaingang,

Here are a few friendly suggestions. 

 

I wrote about the subject of weight changes here:  http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/2082-weight-changes/?p=17879.  Read it.  Then, read it again.  Then, think about what and who it is you think you are.  Then, read it once more.  Then, make a decision.  In that order.  Hope this helps.  : )

[Weight changes]

One of the reasons I took Adderall was to avoid gaining weight, and possibly even be thin.  One of the reasons I was afraid to quit Adderall was, of course, to avoid gaining weight and possibly even be fat.  I'm roughly ten months free from Adderall, and for those who are interested about weight changes as I was, here's what I experienced.

 

The first three months were a blur in almost every respect.  I didn't know what it was like to feel hungry.  I hadn't felt hunger for many years.  I was relearning what it meant to be hungry, and to feel full in my first three months free from Adderall.  I gained weight at this time.  I'm not sure how many pounds, I just know that my clothes weren't fitting me.

 

Months three through six of being off of Adderall, I began to understand my body again.  My body told me what it needed.  It was at this time that I began to learn how to listen to these internal bodily queues.  I stopped gaining weight.  I may have even began to lose some weight in the five to six months range.

 

Months six through nine, I understood how to feed my body so that it fueled itself.  I understood what it felt like to feel full.  I knew when it was time to eat because I would feel hungry.  I picked food that only gave me energy.  I stopped having those junk foood, high sugary cravings I remember always having while on Adderall.  I began losing weight during this time. 

 

Months ten and change, I'm astonished to share this, but I am at the weight I was at while using Adderall and maybe even less now.  I'm able to fit into all of my clothes again.  No more holes in the jeans where my thighs were rubbing together like what I experienced in months three through six being clean.  My embarassment for thinking that Adderall was the solution to being thin increases by the day.  All throughout this experience I practice Bikram yoga regularly.  Including the months where I gained weight.  That's why I want to emphasize the diet and appetite aspect of this post, rather than the exercise aspect -- because my physical fitness regime remained steady throughout.

 

For all those who are anxious about the seemingly trivial subject of weight gain, take heart.  You'll see your weight change, yes, and then you'll see it change again.  Don't let that fear stop you from putting down the pills.

[Here I am...again]

When I first started reading this forum a year ago, I noticed a certain closed mindedness to the support offered by NA.  In spite of this impression, and after a failed attempt at quitting without the NA fellowship's support after 20-ish days, I went to my first meeting.  I hated how much identification I felt in those rooms.  My ego wouldn't allow me to believe that I was a drug addict.  Problem was, I couldn't dispute the evidence of sharing many of the same feelings and experiences as other NA members.  I write this to say this:  I'm thrilled to see that there is more conversation on this same forum beginning to be open to the support offered through the NA fellowship.  It's many things which will help us stay off of Adderall.  There's no magic bullet.  No one thing that will prevent us from relapsing.  So, it's encouraging to see members of this forum being open to all facets of support.

[Skin health?]

"Time heals all wounds" they say, and I'd argue those induced by prolonged drug use as well as the acne it may or may not have also brought about.  Great thread.  I am like Chipper in that I was a face picker.  On top of the dehydration we probably all faced while on Adderall that made our skin so dry yet so broken out, I also don't have a colon.  That's right.  No colon.  So, I was especially dehydrated and yet broken out while using Adderall.  Unfortunately, my skin did not magically return to some healthy glow upon quitting.  It's taken a lot of work to get rid of the cysts that cropped up no matter what time of month accounting for any hormone changes.  Here's what's working for me: 

- give up dairy.  I'm originally from Wisconsin.  It was practically sacrilegious to do so, and yet I did, and I can tell you it's helped tremendously.

- get a probiotic.  It helps to restore all the right kind of gut flora you need in your intestines.  It works on even my shortened digestive tract.

- give up gluten.  I haven't had to take this step yet, thankfully, because my skin is responding well to the above two suggestions.  I consider this the nuclear option, and it will be what I do should I need a next step. 

 

Hope this helps.  And remember:  give time, time.

[Ten months and change.]

I write today in hopes of returning a little of what I read so obsessively for nearly a year now:  a story of life after Adderall.  I dropped the habit cold turkey a little more than ten months ago.  It was this time last year that I knew it was time.  It was a now or never fate I faced.  I won't belabor the point, you probably already know how miserable the stuff makes you feel. That is, when you're capable of caring enough to assess how you feel.  What can I say?  These ten months have seen so much change.  I stopped the day job I was in.  Truthfully, it stopped me.  I'd been fired from most of them.  All while thinking I was so amazing at each consecutive one.  I just want the new folks on here to know that they can do it.  For me, what's worked was reading this forum obsessively, learning transcendental meditation , going to Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings, and joining Bikram yoga.  Professionally, life is still in flux, but I am calm, and optimistic about a future over which I can completely control.  It's now or never, my dears.  Grateful, and glad that you've all been here for support without your knowledge.  Now, I'm happy to finally participate.  Thanks.