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Aventus

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Posts posted by Aventus

  1. First of all welcome to the forums! I can relate to most of what you've said especially this part.

    I dropped out of school my senior year of college because I felt like I was having a mental breakdown. The only reason I finished my 35 page thesis was because I stayed up for almost a week straight popping Adderall and forcing myself to focus. Adderall was my best friend in college, everybody says it's the college student's best friend but for me I couldn't finish ANYTHING without it and once I discovered that, I didn't bother trying to.

    I hit a brick wall that year when I decided that if the only way I could get a degree was through drug abuse,

    This is pretty much where I am now. I'm 50 days clean and just started my senior year of college, and I'm constantly battling the idea that the only way to finish this year is using adderall. I used to dwell on them and try to hatch plans, but now when they pop up I take a break or try to focus on something else. If I start thinking about it while trying to do some homework I've found that texting someone from the same class and asking about a question from the assignment or asking how they're doing on it can snap me out of it.

    And as far as this part goes

    However, every time I try to just stop taking it I struggle to get out of bed or to do anything all day and it scares me. It scares me because it reminds me of that time 3 years ago and I’m terrified of going back to the person I was then. I’m not sure if it’s a mental handicap that associates the drug to that time and consequently gives me the belief that I’m going to fail or if its actually happening- that’s the horrible part about Adderall, or any drug I suppose.

    that's pretty normal when first quitting. The initial days are the hardest, but it gets better. During my first week I just sat around and ate a lot and anytime I thought about life without adderall I would break down and have a good cry.

    I noticed you haven't been logged on in awhile, but hope you are doing better.

  2. I wrote another story that I was going to post yesterday, but like most things that I’ve wrote while on Adderall it is super long, has way too much detail and makes no sense. So I thought I’d try this again.

    First of all I’d like to say hi and thank everyone who has posted on this forum. When I first started thinking about quitting I think I was here just about every night reading posts and they really helped me out. So naturally I wanted to post my own story.

    It was yesterday when I finally admitted to myself that there is no possibility that I can take Adderall again and not abuse it. I originally started taking Ritalin 2 years ago when I was a freshman in college and then changed to Adderall midway through my sophomore year just to test it out and see if it worked better. I didn’t start really abusing Adderall until this last April. Since then it’s been getting worse and worse until I reached my absolute worst during finals week. That’s when I quit for the first time. I lasted 17 days and then 6 days ago I got a refill, convinced that now I could take it responsibly. It didn’t work out that way and I’ve been out of control the last 5 days. Then yesterday I finally stopped bullshitting myself and flushed the rest and tore up my script for next month. It still amazes me that with all the side effects I was experiencing and how much I was worrying that I was destroying my body that I would keep taking more and more.

    Initially it did wonders for me, but at this point I’m doing shitty in school, let all my friends drift away and so much else. It’s time to get back to how happy I felt after quitting the first time.

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