MBM
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@yay_donuts...I'd say just trust your instincts. Recovering from Adderall is a long process. The physical dependence disappears sooner than the emotional/psychological one.
Work on yourself. Find out who you are, what you love. If you are having trouble connecting with others, I'd say that is a direct correlation to how well you are connected to yourself.
It's not a marathon. That connection will come when you aren't looking for it.
Bravo to you for your courage and candor.
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Keep going and, when you look back...because you will, see the truth of Adderall and not the illusion. It's a harmful drug that plays with brain chemistry, affects the cardiovascular system and creates a false persona along with horrific physiological dependence.
I've been off Adderall now for 14 months. Has it been easy getting sober? HELL NO. Has it been worth it? YES!
What I miss about Adderall: NEVER FEELING TIRED; THE FALSE PERSONA OF CONFIDENCE AND BANTER; GETTING AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF SHIT DONE.
What I don't miss about Adderall: BEING A SLAVE TO A PILL; BEING UNABLE TO RELAX OR BE PRESENT; DRINKING ALCOHOL TO CALM DOWN (I quit that too); CRASHING AND BEING MEAN TO MY KIDS; THE SHAKES...RAPID HEARTBEAT, NOT EATING, A SEX DRIVE THAT MADE ME OBSESSIVE; BUT MOST OF ALL...THE SHAME. I DON'T MISS THE SHAME.
I've gained 25 pounds. So fucking what! My head is CLEAR. I sleep 7-8 hours per night. I am REAL again.
Recovery is a process and most likely many of us Adderallics also must recover from other addictions and self worth issues.
I'm writing poetry again. I'm doing well in a phenomenal sales job. I sometimes "think" I need Adderall to "keep up" but I KNOW that's bullshit!
I pray for each and everyone of us to stay on the path of self truth and HEALTH!
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What have you learned from recovery?
in General Discussion
Posted
Great topic. First and foremost, I learned...this time around...that I am indeed an addict. Substances, food, alcohol, sex...whatever takes me out of me...I want more of it to my detriment. I discovered Adderall after being 15 years sober and thought I could take it safely after getting an ADD diagnosis. WRONG. The speedy effect made me crave alcohol and when I finally caved into the craving for that the vicious cycle of addiction really began and kicked in. Speed in the morning and throughout the day to behave like superwoman, a bottle of wine and pot to come down in the evening and then a Xanax to knock me out so I could get up and start all over again the next day. Four years I spun on that merry go round until I crashed and burned...BAD.
So, now clean and sober for a year and a half. Finally have stopped craving Addy for the most part.
I've learned so much about myself as a human and addict. I've learned that the human spirit is capable of anything that stems from your truest and most authentic self. I've learned that the authentic me I ran from for years is actually worthy of my self love and commitment to health and wellness