Workingthroughit

These are all excellent points. Unfortunately, I took out a massive student loan to go to law school. I can't quit my job, and I cannot afford to be fired. I know going back on is harmful to my health, and I will die sooner. But I'd rather live a short life being happy and successful than go through what I've been going through.

So I posted on here about 7 months ago. I had been on adderall xr 20mg for about 6 years. I'm a lawyer at a decent sized firm, and routinely work 60 hours a week. I decided to quit for my health. At first it wasn't bad. Now I realize how much I really need it. My work has suffered incredibly. I can't focus. I start something, and without provocation, I'm on the Internet. I'm probably about two months or so away from getting fired. My billables are way down, and I can't work 15 hour days when needed. Hey, I gave it a shot, right?

First and foremost, I need to thank this forum. Reading these stories is so incredibly helpful. I was on xr 20 mgs for about 7 years when I quit cold turkey about a month ago. I'm a lawyer and I used adderall to get through law school and the 70 hour work weeks. I'm 29 years old, and I was seriously concerned about my health taking this drug. The first week was absolutely brutal. Luckily that first week coincided with a major flu epidemic that hit my office. I got away with a 40 hour work week. I slept a solid 14 hours each night. And this is really embarrassing; I had some serious constipation issues. After that first week I started to "feel" again. I'm not trying to be vague; I actually finally felt something instead of being a drone. I remembered what I liked and what I didn't like. On adderall, I could literally make anything interesting. I've been known to go through bankers boxes of documents in 15 hour clips. Adderall let me lose myself in my work. Now, I get to choose what I like. No more constant dry mouth. My workouts have been off the charts. I sleep soundly at night. i never thought my sex drive was low. But its incredibly higher now. My energy levels are getting better and better each week. I'll never have the energy I had. But I'm really learning to love my job for what it is. I still process information quickly, but I make less mistakes. It's a struggle. But the positives have outweighed the negatives and I know this was the right choice. Thanks to everyone for your stories. They got me through this and will continue to get me through this.

I feel like my battle with adderall is one I can't win. It's been over 6 years now since I started, and that time is almost like a blur. There is no question that these 6 years have been the most productive of my life; at the same time I know what I'm doing is having adverse affects on my body. I feel like I'm going to die young; at the same time I know I cannot acheive the levels of professional success I've had so far without it. I look back on final exams my senior year in college, when someone gave me that first pill, and I curse that moment. I then curse the moment when I duped my PCP in to writing me a script because I knew it would give me the "edge" in law school. It certainly did. But now I can't get off of it. I take one 20mg XR every work day- usually 6 days a week. I cannot function creatively without it. I tried to today, and it was a complete failure. I can't wait to get a good night's sleep and pop one first thing in the morning with a big cup of coffee to get things going again. I know it's a problem when I need this pill to work. But I feel like I'll never be enough without it. Obviously quitting cold turkey isn't going to happen. Can anyone provide me with a blueprint to get off of this for good? Thank you.