Greg Posted December 6, 2012 Report Share Posted December 6, 2012 I am finally doing the whole 9-5 thing without adderall. I feel just like a totally different person. Im still trying to figure it all out, as ive never worked without adderall before now... I was curious how you all think you've changed at work without the adderall? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted December 6, 2012 Report Share Posted December 6, 2012 I'm glad you bring this up, because I suck at work without adderall. I'm super lazy and unmotivated and I just don't care about my job. I feel like just working isn't enough now, like I need to find a job I care about, but I don't know what that would be because I'm anhedonic and can't figure out what to do with my life. I take stressing out about career uncertainty to an unhealthy level. On the plus side, I'm not angry and on edge all the time, and I don't waste time on meaningless work projects. I've basically traded doing meaningless work projects for slacking off and surfing the internet. Like I said, I just don't care about work like I did before and on adderall. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted December 6, 2012 Report Share Posted December 6, 2012 Hi Cassie, wow I have to admit your post surprised me. Sure, it's only been a little while I've been on the forum, but for some reason your expressive personality made me think you could approach anything with enthusiasm and rigor. I also had it in my mind you were a med student or a doctor. Is this right? I'm with you about the "not angry and on edge all the time". I have just started the early stages of my job search now, and I am super unmotivated (it's hard to throw yourself in to it when you're still reeling from an exhausting and failed career); but at least I know that the choices I make about the jobs I apply for, the conversations I have with recruiters etc are "the real me", if that makes any sense. Last time I interviewed I am sure I came across as intelligent but probably totally manic. Not to mention the sudden onset of dry mouth - ugh, that was so embarassing, because the interviewers always thought it was because I was nervous. To the contrary, I was just tweaking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted December 6, 2012 Report Share Posted December 6, 2012 I'm a librarian at a university. Why, do I sound 'doctorly'? lol. Adjusting to work has been so difficult for me, and I worked for years just fine before it, so Inrecovery, I feel your pain. It must be that much harder starting from scratch essentially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 I have had the same job for the last 15 years, so I have the perspective of work before, during, and after adderall. Here is how it affected me regarding certain employee traits: RELIABILITY: I hardly ever take sick leave now; on addie at least one day a month, usually when I was taking time off adderall. I spent a lot of work time chasing perscriptions, going to the doctor or chasing adderall from other sources. Having enough adderall was my top priority. QUANTITY: I can't believe I did not get fired for getting nothing done. I did a lot of unnecessary bullshit; played a lot of computer games and surfed the internet all the time at work. Then I had to cover my tracks for getting nothing done. Excuses for everything! QUALITY: I thought my work was great, but it was just average or lower. I could spend a day writing a one page article perfecting the grammar and syntax to the extreme. Now, I can write the same kind of article in a couple of hours, and honestly, I can't tell any difference in the quality of my work from writing on adderall or not. It just seemed so epic and more important when I was tweaked out. BEING LATE: Adderall made me late for everything all the time. Normally, I am an on-timer, and I don't like being early either. It never bothered me to be late when I was tweaked. For the first six years I took adderall only on the weekends and not during the work week so I would fall asleep in meetings and be really spaced out most of the time because I was in some stage of adderall withdrawl. It was one of my core values not to be high on anything while working. Make no mistake about it - the ONLY reason I took adderall was to get high and get shit done for myself or my family. I never did have ADD, if such a condition even exists. As my addiction progressed, first it was OK to take adderall on Friday afternoons at work, then on Mondays then on Thursdays. I didn't consider myself an addict if I did not take it for at least three days in a row. And it gets you a lot higher if you have three days off to "push the reset button" before another binge. Gradually the days off became fewer and fewer and I became a daily user the last couple of years. I convinced myself I had moderate ADD and I probbably did - due to all the fucking adderall I was taking! Those "days off" adderall during the work week made me a really poor performing employee, although I was never called out on it. Since quitting. I get my work done on time, I AM on time, and I have a renewed sense of self-worth and job performance. I could not afford to lose my job because of a stupid fucking pill addiction and that was one of my major reasons for quitting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 These last couple weeks have been so interesting for me. I am observing myself at work trying to see what I'm good at..what the real me is good at. How the real me performa at work, If only anyone at work knew how big of a step or momentous this was for me, but they have no clue about my past I am definitely seeing work through an entirely different lens without adderall. I'm still trying to get my thoughts together about how I've changed. ive been getting lots of great feedback which is very encouraging. o havent been late yet either. Reading your posts has been really helpful. For one thing, I can say I can get 100x as much done because I'm not running out for a smoke breaks every hour for 20 minutes of each hour. Adderall caused a lot of smoke breaks and a lot of wasted time. Not going into psychosis at work is another plus, lol. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 These last couple weeks have been so interesting for me. I am observing myself at work trying to see what I'm good at..what the real me is good at. If only anyone at work knew how big of a step or momentous this was for me, but they have no clue about my past I am definitely seeing work through an entirely different lens without adderall. I'm still trying to get my thoughts together about how I've changed Reading your posts has been really helpful. For one thing, I can say I can get 100x as much done because I'm not running out for a smoke breaks every hour for 20 minutes of each hour. Adderall caused a lot of smoke breaks and a lot of wasted time. I'm doing the same, the more I recover the more I learn about myself as a working individual. I know I'm not constantly staring at the ground now that I'm not on adderall, I would avoid eye contact and over analyze everything, just waiting to get in that perfect "witty" comment.. Now I just laugh and joke around with co-workers, it's great not to have that over-stimulated sense of entitlement to my job, and it's also great to have my sense of humor back (or coming back, that is..) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yes, that is a big thing I was going to mention too. I was intensely focused a lost in my thoughts a lot of the time. Coworkers could say something to me and I would not even hear because I was so focused on something. Now I can laugh and joke around with coworkers and that makes it way easier to fit in. Also adderall does make us arrogant, gives us a sense of entitlement..I don't have that anymore.probably makes me a lot easier to work wi..also I'm less anxious. I think before I must have come off as anxious ( from being on so much medication) maybe harder to trust. Also I am not Jekyll and hide throughout the day as the adderall took effect (Jekyll) and then the adderall wore off and I was in withdrawal (Hyde). I also have more energy when I come home from work. At one point I was rationing all my adderall pulls to take during the day, about 4 30 mg tablets. Then when I'd come home I'd go into withdrawal and just go to sleep at like 6pm until the next day. Now I have plenty of energy when I get back to do other stuff like write on this forum, I usually go to bed at midnight or 1 and then wake up at 8am. This has been such an eye opening past couple weeks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yes indeed, I could just tell that people genuinely didn't like me when I was on it. I was no fun, no one want's to be around someone that overpowering and arrogant. I had no friends at Eglin AFB when I was on it..now that I've been off a while I get along with tons of people and am well liked, it's amazing how much a little pill can make you an entirely different being all together, and a little frightening... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yeah, for real. Adderall does make you the type of person where people DONT want to stop by your desk and chat. And I'm seeing things like that are really important when you trying to do well (fit in with coworkers) at work. Also I think I was too ambitious and took Too much initiative and all that on adderall. Now I have a better idea of balancing things. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Agreed, ambition is important..but not being a complete freak of nature with bloodshot eyes and having a social life at work is equally important in how you're going to be viewed and your chances for advancement and whatnot. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Right, exactly. I think adderall takes away a lot from our ability to act well at work. We are focused on our own wants and needs, ideas and...adderall and not as much on getting along with everyone around us or the place we are working for which is important for doing well at work and advancement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted December 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Basically you know I feel like I've gotten back my ability and potential to perform well at work and am also trying to find out what I'm like and what I'm good at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Interesting to follow this thread. Many things I relate to and again, I know I'm repeating myself but there are so many behaviors I have exhibited that I didn't know at all were adderall related and thought it was just part of my evolving personality (which I didn't like very much) or getting older or something. Now I know so much was related to adderall. Being late is one of them - I used never to be late; used to be able to run around and get ready in 30 mins or less and leave the house with a sense of purpose. I'd be able to time my commute to perfection. Now, (and yes, even off the adderall), it seems to take me FOREVER to get up, shower, get dressed, find things, and for such an every-day thing, shouldn't seem so bloody difficult to get right. I am still struggling with this, to be honest. I've canceled a bunch of appointments today (not urgent really) because I haven't been able to get off my lazy ass and get in the shower. All I want to do is read, be quiet, and not have anyone to bother me. But there are things I know I should be doing!! WTF is wrong with me?! I am rambling, but anyway; my point is, thank you for saying all the little things that have changed for the better since you've come off addy. Each little vignette is a reminder to me that I'm not the only one who felt these things, and that these things are not indications of me going completely crazy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxbury27 Posted December 9, 2012 Report Share Posted December 9, 2012 Yeah. Adderall addiction and work don't mix. I had an awful experience trying to balance these two at my first job out of college. I was never in sync with everyone around me, always had my own agenda that caused me to struggle with relevant priorities. Yet I couldn't stop, poppin on here and there, sometimes leaving work to go home and grab more. I'm so embarrassed, if I ever have to show my face there again it'll be too soon. I can't believe myself! Anyway, I'm about to start job 2. I'm worried about the initial crash carrying over, I'll just have to manage. Adderall is the problem. Never make it part of the solution. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted December 15, 2012 Report Share Posted December 15, 2012 Anytime I've been at work on Adderall, I DREAD social situations like you wouldn't believe (especially when I'm behind on sleep). Most of the time I just pray that NO ONE will talk to me, because faking emotion on adderall feels extremely draining. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tessa0412 Posted August 9, 2013 Report Share Posted August 9, 2013 Damn! I want this thread re posted I'm a hairstylist and tweaking while cutting hair and trying to a have a "normal conversation" with a client while they stare at u speeding along was dreadful n embarrassing 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.