Debra77

I have been taking adderall and vyvanse for at least 4 years now daily. When I don't take it I can't even get out of bed and will stay in bed all day. This stuff has ruined me. I was out of work for a little while and I decided I was going to quit this stuff and I made it almost a month until I found a job and I couldn't function at work without it. I was extremely tired and just stared at the computer screen on the edge of my seat. For the month that I didn't take it my mood was leveled out but the exhaustion never eased up and I stayed in bed most of the time. When the adderall starts wearing off I'm disconnected from the world. I feel like a zombie and all I want is to be left alone and get into my bed. This is a roller coaster ride and I'm so tired of it. My doctor also has me on Prozac and xanax. I'm addicted to the xanax too. I have a few good hours a day and the rest is down hill. When I get home from work i'm totally useless and I have 2 teenage sons that need me. I cry everyday. These doctors just keep prescribing this crap but don't tell you the hell you will go thru if your on it long term. I've pushed away family and friends and don't socialize at all. This has had a huge impact on my kids. I don't want to take this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm taking uppers and downers. I don't know what to do anymore as I'm just existing. I don't see a way out of this especially having to work a full time job. I can't function without it. It is going to be the death of me.

I did relapse on Friday. I made it nearly a month without adderall but couldn't take it anymore. I could barley function at work and felt so exhausted with zero energy. I didn't associate with anyone and kept to myself, didn't get any work done because all I could do was stare at the computer screen. Everything seemed like an obstacle that I couldn't handle. Then when I got home from work I would take a nap from exhaustion but then couldn't sleep that night even with strong sleeping pills. I have to tell you that Friday after I took the adderall is the best I have felt since Dec 13th. No joke. I felt ALIVE. I was friendly with people, I didn't feel exhausted and dead inside, I was able to get work done and didn't come home and go to sleep. I literally got stuff done and felt like someone that was living not existing. By about 7:00 pm I started to come done and I started getting tired and moody but I'm gonna have to say that I'm staying on the adderall. It's like a double edge sword. I'd rather have a few hours of happiness and feel normal than to go all day thinking I can't do this anymore. I'm going to ask my doctor to switch me to Vyvanse which is a l little milder and last longer. It's expensive though. There is no way I can't take adderall or vyvanse right now since I just started a new job and am the single mom of 2 kids. I didn't take any adderall today and I feel awful, exhausted, unmotivated, and just want to stay in bed. I have also gained 15 pounds since I stopped it and that has gotten me even more depressed. I hate to take it but I hate not taking it. I didn't take it today because I was gonna try not to take it on the weekends that way I had an appetite and could go eat with my kids and give myself at least 2 days a week without it but the way I feel right now I don't know if it's worth it because I really had things I needed to do today but way too tired and no energy whatsoever to do them. If I wasn't a single parent and didn't have to work I might be able to get thru this but after a month of feeling worse than I did when I was on the addrell I couldn't risk losing another job and who know's maybe I am ADHD and do need the medication. Heck I don't know anymore. I feel like a loser. Thank you for talking with me. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Thanks everyone. I feel a connectiont to you all somehow. Falcon, your just plain amazing. I've had time to calm down and rethink this and I can't take that huge step backwards and start up with that poison again. I never thought I'd ever even be able to stop but i've made it this long. It hasn't been easy and I understand now how the street addicts go in search of this stuff so I'm not judgemental of anyone. Addiction is a terrible thing. My brother got hepatitis c from shooting up drugs. I've never done anything like that. All the meds I take are prescribed by a quack. Heck I got a DUI over this crap and was hospitalized once already. My credit is ruined. I walked out of a job of 16 years because of this toxic poison. Now here I am thinking I need to start it back up and maybe i'll feel better. I know it's just the addict in me thinking these thoughts. If I continued down the path I was going I was going to die at a young age. The mental pain is so bad and I put on a fake smile at work when I'm really falling apart inside but nobody knows it. Thanks again everyone.

I have been off of adderall since Dec 13 and by now I should feel a little better. I'm totally exhausted and can barely manage to get thru work. I come home and immediately get into bed. I have gained 15 pounds now and none of my clothes fit at all. The only thing that has improved is my skin is not as oily and doesn't break out as bad. I didn't think I would ever go back to this stuff but here I am thinking about popping one in the morning and a couple thru the day. I haven't had any energy at all and zero motivation. I feel like I'm worse off in a way. Heck, I don't know anymore. I saw my psychiatrist the other day and told her I stopped the adderall because I couldn't stand the roller coaster ride anymore and the malnutrition and she said it was a mistake to stop it because she said I have ADHD (which I don't know if I do) and that I need the medication but need to take better care of myself. I'm super depressed because i'm busting out of all of my clothes and hungry all the time. I'm spending more time isolating myself now than when I did when I was taking adderall. I'm tired of living this way. I'm going back because I don't see a reason not to.

I have been off this medicine now since Dec 13 and I still feel awful. I have gained a ton of weight. I'm exhausted and just want to sleep. My skin has improved but that's about it. I honestly think I'm starting it up again. Why not? I dang sure don't feel any better than I did. I figured I would have some energy and a little motiviation by now but I have zero. I'm miserable.

Thanks Falcon. Your are 10 kinds of awesome. This crap has ruined over 5 years of my life. I'm scared I may have permanent damage from the high doses of amphetamines and xanax for all these years. My doctor who is a pyschiatrist actually told me I am done and that I need to file for disability and that she would fill out the paperwork and I would get it would no problem. Who tells a 43 yr old that she is done and to throw in the towel. The words have stayed in my head since she said them and I have made some pretty quick and dumb decisions because of it because I always felt I had disability to fall back on. I can't live on disability, it doesn't pay enough and for heavens sake I'm not disabled but sometimes I try to convince myself that I am because of those stupid words the doctor spoke. I want to feel energetic, happy, be in a meaningful relationship, and just live life to the fullest because tomorrow isn't promised. oneday my oldest brother stole one of my 10 mg xanax and no joke he was so messed up and I take 4 and they do absolutely nothing to me except poison my body further. Debra

This is like my 11th day or so without adderall after 5 years of daily use. All I have done is stayed in bed for the most part. I do have a few sparks of energy by not much. I have gained at least 11 or more pounds. Ravenous hunger. I'm going to watch what I eat from now on though. No more midnight snacking. My son told me today I need to be back on my medication because he said I'm so quick to to anger and have been cursing like a sailor. I had a short fuse while I was taking adderall. I can't go back to that stuff. The crash was something I just couldn't handle anymore and the appetite loss while taking it. I was depriving my body of nutrients it needed for many years. I was very unhealthy. I feel like my bed is the only place I want to be but don't want to be there at the same time. It is so very weird. I'm worried about how I'm going to function in life. Before bed I take 4 10mg Xanax and 2 10 mg Ambiens. That can't be good!!!!!! I feel like one day I'm not going to wake up. The sad thing is the Xanax and Ambien do nothing for me anymore because I've been on them for so long that I have built up a tolerance. About a year ago I didn't take my Xanax for 2 days and let me tell you, those were 2 of the worst days of my life. I was hallicinating, I couldn't sleep, I was incredibly paranoid, I was shaking uncontrollably, crying like crazy. I thought this was the end. My doctor never once told me how addicting Xanax and Adderall are. If she would've I wouldn't have taken them. I wonder if I have permanent damage from all these meds. I mean they do mess with your brain chemistry. I just want to laugh and be happy again. Now I feel like a fat slob from gaining weight and keep thinking that If I take the adderall for 2 days and don't eat I will lose a couple pounds. Oh what has become of me?

Would like to meet with people who are ex-adderall users and learn about your experiences and so forth.

Today is my 8th day off of adderall. I have had absolutely no desire to take another one of those pills that ruined that last 5 years of my life. I had originally posted that I quit my job of 16 years because I just couldn't take the rollercoaster ride anymore. I don't know how I managed. I felt like a machine. I then got another job and when I got home at 6 pm I was like the walking dead and couldn't care for my children so I decided to stop taking them. Big mistake when your trying to work. Needless to say I walked right out of that job bawling my eyes out and didn't say a word to anyone. The effects I have had without the adderall are extreme fatigue and the need to be in my bed all the time. I do get up and do some things and my mood is alot more leveled out than it has been in years. I actually laugh some now. I just know that I will have to find a job in a couple of weeks and I have to get my mind set that I don't need an adderall pill to function at a job. I have been sooooooo hungry and scared about packing on the pounds. I can tell i have already gained at least 10 pounds and that bothers me terribly but not enough to take another pill. I know I need an excercise program and I am going to do that but just to darn tired right now. My skin has even improved, for many years my face was so incredibly oily and broken out and the doctor assured it me it wasn't the adderall causing this. Bull!!!!!! I live in San Antonio, TX and am a 43 year old female and would love to talk one on one with someone that understands me and can relate to what i'm going thru because my family just doesn't get it. Thank you for listening.

Today is my 2nd day without adderall and let me tell you I'm barely able to function. I am a 43 year old female. I feel so physically and mentally exhausted. I'm at work right now and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat so anxious to get up and just walk out and go home and get in my bed. I have been so tempted to grab the adderall bottle and take one but I know it's got to stop. I have been on adderall and at one time vyavanse for 5 years now. Here are just a few of the things that this drug has done to me: 1. I'm thin and unhealthy. 2. I got a DUI 2 years ago. 3. I walk out of my job of 16 years. 4. I've isolated myself from family and don't even answer their phone calls. 5. When I'm coming down from this medicine I am literally like a zombie and want to be totally left alone. 6. My mouth is dry all the time. 7. This medication has RUINED the last 5 years of my life without a doubt. 8. I can't have any type of relationship because I have such a short fuse. Very irritable and mean when the medication wears off. 9. I cry all the time. 10. I don't even cook dinner for my 2 son's anymore and they have been neglected because all I want is to be left alone. Thank the lord one of my sons is 17 and can help me out somewhat. 11. I think about suicide on a daily basis but don't think I would actually do it but who knows with the crazy decisions I have been making. I think about my 2 sons and I bawl my eyes out. I just started a new job 2 weeks ago and have already missed a day and 1/2. I broke down in tears yesterday as it was my first day off the adderall. I had to explain what was going on and will probably be fired but at this point I don't even care anyone. I have been making foolish descisions lately like walking out on my job of 16 years without having another job. I couldn't pay my bills and my credit went to crap. I then found this job and I'm convincing myself how bad I hate it. I don't know if it's really the way I feel or the adderalll talking. I also take xanax and ambien at night to sleep. Also, 40mg of prozac. I'm so sick and tired of this roller coaster ride. I wish my doctor would've told me the effects of this medication 5 years ago and also how addictive xanax is. I didn't take my xanax for 2 days because I was out of town and didn't have it and I nearly died. My doctor has gone so far as to tell me that I need to file for disability. I can't make it financially on disability. What am I suppose to do throw in the towel and say i'm done. Thank you for listening everyone.